(Closed) Should FBIL be allowed to bring a guest?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9655 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

put your foot down, unless he is in a relationship and the +1 is his girlfriend/fiance/partner/wife he does not automatically get a +1!

Post # 4
Member
2273 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I say keep saying no… If he had a long term partner then yeah but it is a family wedding he will be fine.

By the way we have 2 single Bridal Party members and they are fine with no plus ones as they have other friends at the wedding to hangout with – to be honest I feel bad for the partners of the other Bridal Party members because they won’t get to see much of their partners until after dinner (about 8ish) and so have to hang out alone (they actually dont know anyone other than Fiance and I and their partners)

After planning my wedding all I can say is etiquette sux… (mainly because it gives everyone an opinion and they try to back it up with “but etiquette says…” stuff etiquette we are paying for the wedding our rules go hehehe)

Post # 5
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m all for the bridal party +1’s, but it sounds like he is going to abuse it. I’d say no +1 for him, and stick to it. 

Post # 6
Member
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Only if he has a girlfriend or a date. 

Post # 7
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would give him the plus 1 but it would have to be a date.

Post # 8
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I wouldn’t give him a plus one as he isn’t in a relationship. Also let him know that the wedding isn’t a frat party and he needs to behave himself. If I were you I would let your Fi handle it, and leave the fact that your parents are paying for the wedding out of it. Let him know you will have a hostess at the door and anyone not on the list won’t get in.

Post # 9
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Agreed. I would only allow him a plus one if it is a girlfriend.

Post # 10
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Furthermore, I’d let the venue/bartender know that he is underage.  Provide a picture of him if need be.  If he gets drunk and hurts someone then the venue, the bartender, you, your Fiance, and your dad could be in a lot of trouble.  If Future Mother-In-Law says something about it (trust me, I know about favoritism towards siblings) then you can send her to the venue manager.  A reputable venue is not going to risk hefty fines just to placate one MOG. 

Post # 11
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Sugaree:  That’s a great idea! 

Post # 12
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you want to be perfectly proper, you would adress your invitations to each and every guest by name.  (I really tried to do this, it was very imporant to me.  But I had an aunt in “on-again/off-again” relationship.  The relationship isn’t toxic, just my aunt being wishy washy.  So she got an “and Guest”  – her man is invited if they’re together; otherwise she can bring her gal-pal to help with the 3 hour drive.)

If you are able to get names for all of your guests’ dates (which makes them feel more like your guests, and prevents the last minute scramble for a wedding date which can come with an un-named +1) then you’ll have a stronger argument for not allowing Future Brother-In-Law to invite his frat buddies.  Afterall, he’ll need to give you the name of his ONE guest months prior to the wedding – when you’re sending out invitations. 

It isn’t perfect, but it’s perfectly proper, it’s non-confrontational; and your Future Mother-In-Law won’t be able to fault you for handling your guest list that way.

As far as the underage drinking goes, if you have an open bar most venues require a licensed bar tender to serve the drinks.  The bar tender should not knowingly serve someone who cannot legally consume alcohol.  If you are very worried about it, it might be worth mentioning to the venue that this is a concern, and you just want to be sure that they know you fully support their policy of not serving minors (as you get nearer to your date and are discussing details).

Post # 13
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’d give him a plus one under some rules. Essentially, I’d tell him xx number of drinks, or you must leave. God love my sister but she can drink the best of the best under a table. We came to a deal that she can’t drink until 10:00, and she can bring one friend (who likes to party) who must stay sober until 10:00, minimum. I figure by 11:00, most of the “older” guests will be gone, so I don’t care if she makes a fool of herself in front of my friends.

Post # 14
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We’re not extending +1s to the wedding party if they aren’t in a relationship. Whether this is a no-no I don’t really know, but we’re following the overall “rule” of if you’re not in a relationship, then no +1.

That being said, I’d say no to a +1 for him. If he knew no one, then maybe. But, since his family social circle will be there, then there’s plenty of enough company for him.

Post # 15
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@takemyhand:  He’s underaged. They can’t legally serve him any alcohol.

I agree with the PP who suggested telling the bartender not to serve him, and give them his picture.

Post # 16
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Absolutely not, if he wanted to bring his girlfriend that would be one thing, but it is entirely inappropriate for him to bring friends to your wedding.  Maybe it’s just his own immaturity thinking he can invite random people to your party, but his mother should absolutely know better.  Your Fiance needs to set them both straight!

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