(Closed) Should guests decline if they can't "cover their plate"?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should a guest decline if they can't afford to cover their plate?

    Yes! Not covering your plate is rude!

    No! If I invited them I want them to be there with me, gift or not!

    No, as long as it seems like they put some effort in.


  • Post # 92
    14 posts
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’ve never heard of this cover your plate thing until I read the title of the thread and had to know what it meant.

    IMO, I think it’s greedy and plain RUDE to EXPECT a gift. My first wedding Iwas thankful for whatever we recieved and in a couple instances, did not recieve. I invited people because we wanted them to share our special day.


    Now my second wedding, I had a hard time wrapping my head around even having anything wedding. So we decided on simple, extremely casual, BBQ and the only this wedding-ish I wanted were table decor (rustic flowers with DIY “vases” and DIY log slices. and a cake since my friend makes cakes. I think I will feel embarrassed if people bring a gift. Myself, I’d feel like people would think I’m having a “wedding” to get presents. At 46 and 48, we have all we need. 

    It’s about the two of us and sharing our love with the most important people in our lives. 


    Just my opinion

    Post # 93
    36 posts
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Unless they’ve married recently, how would most people even know how to calculate a typical wedding “plate” cost? I had no idea until I solicited my own catering proposals, and have always gifted according to my budget and relationship to the couple. 

    Post # 94
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I didn’t even know “cover your plate” was a thing until the bee.  How the heck are you supposed to know in advance anyway?  Or do couples with this expectation think guests should write out the check and seal the envelope at dinner (which IMO is horribly rude, like you needed to see what you got before filling in the amount)?  I don’t even understand it.  Give what you think is appropriate, what the couple might like, and what is in your budget.  If that’s just an empty greeting card, that’s fine!

    Post # 95
    78 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @OkieHeart:  +1.


    Are there bride and grooms out there telling everyone how much the dinner is costing so that the guests can gift accordingly? I think that would be much, much tackier than giving a modest gift.

    Post # 96
    2766 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Where I live, it would be looked down upon to give anything less than $100pp. We’ve certainly declined invitations because we didn’t feel close enough to the couple to give them $200. This does arise out of a “cover your plate” tradition, and it drives me bonkers! 

    I’m having the wedding I can afford, and if friends and family with means come with a card in hand and nothing else, I would be happy that they took time away from their weekend to spend with my family. Isn’t that enough? 

    The number of friends who were able to put a downpayment on a house or buy a new car, then brag that it was all wedding money, makes me absolutely cringe. One bride in my extended family bragged that she was able to pay off her sizeable student loans with their wedding money, which made me feel really angry since at the time, I was really struggling to make the payments on my own loans. I refuse to treat my wedding like a fundraiser, and feel really bitter about how traditionally, weddings have become just that in my area.

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