Post # 1
So bees, my SO picked up the ring we designed together today and we are off to visit my family for the next 6 weeks. I presume he will propose within the next 2 weeks. We’ve previously discussed that I’d like him to ask my dad for his blessing before proposing (we’re very close and I am an only child) but I’m worried now my mom will be offended/upset if he doesn’t ask for hers as well. As something of a feminist who also doesn’t believe in ‘giving the bride away’ (though I want to keep this as apart of my wedding) do you think I should have him ask her as well? She is a difficult one to pin down, our relationship is often difficult at times and besides the fact that we are youngish (early 20s) I don’t want to give her any reasons to rain on our parade. What would you do? Any advice?
Post # 2
I am closer to my mom now that I’m an adult but I’ve never really been a “daddy’s girl.” I told my Fiance the only approval I cared about was my mom’s, and I knew what she’d say because she loves my Fiance. My dad does too, but his approval wasn’t as important to me. That sounds horrible, I know, but I don’t think he was offended and I don’t think your mom should be either! Especially since it’s more traditional to ask the dad anyways. Congrats though bee!
Post # 3
I didn’t vote, since none of the three choices apply, to our situation.
My husband didn’t ask either of my parents. I was an adult, capable of making my own decisions. And to say that I’m a “feminist” might be putting it mildly. No one “gave me away” in marriage; we’ve been happily married almost 40 years.
We have two daughters. Neither of their husbands asked us, although we knew they were planning to propose, as they were having custom rings made. I think they knew me well enough to know what my answer would be. (You don’t have to ask!)
Post # 4
My Fiance asked both my parents for their blessings. My mom was appreciative that he included her.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion
I think he should ask her because she’s family and you’re her daughter — not to keep her from having some kind of fit. If your relationship has been rocky, I think she’d appreciate the sentiment.
Post # 6
So, my brother in law asked both my parents and me when he proposed to my sister (think I was a courtesy since I was at the table). My Fiance only asked my dad because we live together and he couldn’t figure out how to see both of them without me becoming suspicious. I think otherwise he would have asked both. Personally I think it’s a goofy and slightly offensive custom but didn’t care because it’s important to my parents and is really no skin off my back (I mean, since they said yes).
If you’re at all worried why not have him ask both of them to save the trouble? Unless there’s a specific reason you don’t want him to ask your mom it seems like the easiest option.
Post # 7
It’s a nice gesture to ask both parents. DH tried to talk to both of my parents, but my mom didn’t want to go on a walk with my dad and DH, so DH just talked to my dad. My mom was ok with it though.
I don’t know how I’d feel if I were the mom of the future bride. I trust that DH would approach it the right way and incorporate my feelings into it, but I really have no idea since it’s just a theoretical at this point.
Post # 8
DH asked both of my parents for their blessing. He knew that honoring them equally was important to both me and to them. Knowing my parents though, even if he had tried to ask only my dad, my dad would have put off the conversation until my mom could be present. (Ex. my dad walked me down the aisle, but when our officiant asked who was giving me away, he said, “Her mother and I”).
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre
My fiancee asked both of my parents for their blessing
Post # 10
Hm, the situation is a little tricky.
Personally, I wouldn’t want my SO to ask my mom for permission/blessing to marry me (my dad is completely out of the picture). I get along well with my mom (now, after my bratty teenage years), but it’s a meaningless tradition to me because my mom has no say in whether or not I get engaged. I mean, she’d be very happy and supportive, but I don’t know… I’d rather know I was about to be engaged first, you know? Lol. And I look forward to telling my mom I’m engaged, I know she’ll be so happy.
So, speaking as someone who doesn’t see any importance in the tradition, I don’t think your boyfriend needs to ask your mom for her blessing. If you think she’ll be offended and you don’t want her to be hurt, it’s certainly a nice gesture. Perhaps if he asked them both together, your father could be the buffer and calm your mom down if she gets upset over the two of you marrying young. And if she says no, well, that doesn’t have any bearing in whether you’re going to get engaged anyway.
Post # 11
I specifically told my OH that I didn’t mind if he didn’t speak to my parents before proposing to me, but if he did, he was to speak to both of them. And I say ‘speak’ instead of ‘ask’ because I WOULD be annoyed if he asked for my father’s ‘permission’ to marry me – that’s just not how modern relationships work anymore. Instead I see it as a mark of respect to my parents to give them a heads up that (all going well!) he’ll be joining the family as their new son-in-law.