(Closed) Should he pay?

posted 1 year ago in The Lounge
Post # 151
Member
1865 posts
Buzzing bee

kgreenie7 :  exactly, birth control isn’t only the responsibility of the woman. It takes 2. He made his choice when he had sex without protection. 

Post # 152
Member
1865 posts
Buzzing bee

camenae :  but that’s the thing. IT IS FAIR!! When two people have sex, both partners need to take steps to protect themselves from pregnancy if they don’t want that. The responsibility doesn’t just fall on the woman. If the man wants to have a say then he can put a condom on, and use spermicide. But the man doesn’t and shouldn’t leave BC up to the woman to handle and then try to tell her what to do with the pregnancy after she gets pregnant! That is INSANE. We need to change this ridiculous standard that men aren’t responsible but woman are. Men had their chance when they had sex to make decisions about to have a baby or not. Once pregnant the woman has every right in the world to keep it or not because it is HER body. 

Post # 153
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

ladyjane123 :  what if he does “vote” by putting on a condom, and the women gets pregnant? 

Post # 154
Member
7720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@vegas then he is still responsible, just as the woman is still responsible if the form of bc she chooses to rely on fails. It’s all about how much risk you’re comfortable with. Condoms have a high success rate when used correctly but aren’t invincible. Same with birth control pills. If “99% effective” or whatever the stats are on a form of bc aren’t acceptable to you then you need to find another method. But the minute you entrust your bc to a condom, the pill, the withdrawal method or whatever it may be, you are accepting whatever risk there is that your chosen method could fail. That is true for both men and women. 

Post # 155
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

ladyjane123 :  I’m not saying he shouldn’t use a condom?? We also don’t know if he did or didn’t. 

I’m just asking those who use the argument that women get to make the choice about the pregnancy due to biology – well biologically she is able to have more control over preventing the pregnancy in the first place.  Say for example he did wear a condom and it broke, wouldn’t the onus then be on the woman to either have a backup method of contraception used, or take the morning after pill.  What if she doesn’t do this?  What if she said she was on BC but wasn’t taking it properly, or even lied?  

Moreso, unless the mother is proved to be unfit, I’m assuming depending on the location, if he wanted to be an active father, it would be almost impossible for him to have 50/50 custody or sole custody, at least while the child is a baby.  

In these sorts of circumstances, why should the man have no say yet be financially responsible to the woman for the next 18 years? 

In my opinion, having a baby and being a parent is a separate choice to having consensual sex.  

As I said in an earlier post, I can see both sides of the argument and the third side too – which is the child who will be brought into the world in less than ideal circumstances.  I’m not saying he shouldn’t pay, I’m just wondering what the argument is to this. 

In reality I think he should just accept it and man up and be an actual father, not just in the financial sense, but I think a lot of the arguments here are misguided. 

Post # 156
Member
203 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

This whole thread is gross. Of course he should pay child support for all of the reasons previous posters have listed and more. If he didn’t want to get a random girl pregnant than maybe he should have invested in a pocket pussy or better yet a vasectomy. 

Post # 157
Member
1175 posts
Bumble bee

For every woman trying to baby-trap a random guy, there’s some stupid and irresponsible man who will make it happen. I think both parties here sound like pretty gross people. Like it reminds me of that Paternity Court tv show. 

I just feel bad for the baby in this situation. I hope it receives the proper care and support xo

 

 

Post # 158
Member
16 posts
Newbee

yes, he should have to pay. the debt is to the child. he doesn’t have to be a father in sense of parenting or visitation but it is a financial debt. it doesn’t matter if he didn’t want the child. you can’t force woman to have or not have abortions. that’s never going to happen.

Post # 159
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

tiffanybruiser :  So he consented to sex, but not a child, and that doesn’t matter? He did what he could (hypothetically) to prevent pregnancy but he loses any choice and now has to be a father?

Would the reverse be ok? A woman has sex w/BC, but gets pregnant. Should she also be required to have a baby and be a mother?

Post # 160
Member
958 posts
Busy bee

youngbrokebride :  I think the outstanding point is that sex=pregnancy, regardless of how much prevention is used. Unless one of them completely removes an organ related to pregnancy, there’s *always* a chance…and anyone having sex needs to own up to that. I know a lot of Bees (self included) are saying “he should’ve wrapped it up”, but even if he did, it still wouldn’t give him a free pass if the condom failed, because we all know condoms aren’t 100% effective (along with other BC methods). It shouldn’t matter who used BC and who didn’t…because pregnancy can happen regardless. That’s not to say people can’t have recreational sex, only that people need to accept that recreational sex could end up being productive sex, and in such a case they’re going to be held responsible for it. 

Some things in life don’t give second chances…pregnancy is one of those things. I know everyone likes to pretend sex is no big deal, but it kinda is. One accident and your life will never be the same. 

Post # 161
Member
7720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@vegas when a man has consensual sex with a woman, he is consenting to every possible consequence of that decision, including the possible consequence that birth control will fail, she will get pregnant and decide to keep the pregnancy, as it is her right to do. It is not his right to say sorry I reject that consequence and I refuse to pay child support. That’s not how the legal system works, and for good reason. 

In the same vein a woman doesn’t get to say “I will have sex, but if I get pregnant I refuse to deal with it.” She doesn’t have that luxury due to her biology. She either has to terminate, which involves an invasive medical procedure and, for some woman an emotionally difficult process, or have a baby. 

I don’t think anyone is saying the man has to step up and be invloved in the child’s life as a father figure, but imo he should absolutely be responsible for child support whether he wanted to father the child or not. For the billionth time, if he can’t abide by that potential consequence then he needs to take some type of action to reduce the risk of it happening. 

Post # 162
Member
2417 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is the thing. Did the guy make his no children views known prior to entering into a sexual relationship or after she became pregnant? Doesn’t seem as if he is terribly serious about being cfbc when he refuses to use any sort of birth control. His actions are of someone who wants to engage in adult behavior without suffering the consequences of his poor decisions. Welcome to the real world.

Post # 163
Member
61 posts
Worker bee

I don’t really know how to feel about this particular situation as there are so many details we don’t know,  but I definitely disagree with the argument ‘he chose to have sex so he has to accept the possibility of becoming a parent’. If this is the case,  then what about every woman who also chose to have sex, got pregnant, and then chose to have an abortion? Isn’t she supposed to accept she might become a parent too? Is she a terrible person for opting out? I just don’t get it. 

Post # 164
Member
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Not only should he pay, but he’s should also get involved in the child’s life and be the best father he can under the circumstances. The child had no choice and exists because of decisions made by the two adults.

Life isn’t always about what you want to do; sometimes it is about doing what is right.

 

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