Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - Beach
So a little backstory here. My FI’s mother and his sister are kind of drama queens to put it short. Particularly, his sister seems to go out of her way to stir things up. He and his sister have practically no relationship whatsoever. They don’t even wish eachother happy birthday. She has shown zero interest in the wedding and frankly, I’m not sure she even cares her brother is getting married. But that’s just fine, really. The only major concern we have about the wedding is how his mother and sister will behave.
So my own step mom has a theory that if I make her a bridesmaid, it will solve two issues. It will force his sister to behave and it will make his mom happy. I have already chosen my bridal party, and if I add her on, Fiance needs to find another guy on his side. I can only see more problems if this happens and I just KNOW his sister will be hell to deal with if I make her a bridesmaid. My step mom seems to think that deep down, the sister does care and she will be hurt if she isn’t in the bridal party. Honestly, I think she could not give two sh*ts in reality.
Of note, my Fiance and I are close with my brother, and he will be in the wedding party. I know this probably adds another level of complexity here, but my brother and I are close, so it just makes sense that he is included.
Post # 2
Megbee617: I agree with you – Don’t ask! The potential for nastiness, from her, is just too great. She sounds like the kind of person who would like to suck the happiness, right out of your wedding. People who stand up to you should want to share your joy.
Post # 3
Are you close with her at all?
My Fiance has 3 sisters, and I let it be his call whether he wanted them or not because I am not super close with them. He chose not to because we didn’t want a huge bridal party. We just went with friends.
But especially if you think she will cause drama, you don’t want any extra stressors for your wedding day. I would say no.
Post # 4
Megbee617: No, no, no, no, and NO. Please DO NOT. It will NOT force her to behave. You will end up miserable and regretting you asked her – trust me!
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2015 - Beach
futuremrsJR: Fiance has specifically asked that I NOT ask his sister to be a bridesmaid because of aforementioned potential drama. He is not close with his sister and neither am I. They aren’t even FB friends, not like that matters, but that just gives you an idea that they won’t even deal with eachother on the internet for godsakes…
Post # 6
Yes please don’t! Just sounds like it would be a horrible idea to ask her. lol She can just be a little upset and get over it!
Post # 7
If your Fiance said no then you have your answer. If you aren’t close to her at all she shouldnt be expecting you to ask…and if she does then let your Fiance tell her what he told you. No worries!
Post # 8
No, don’t ask her to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 9
Megbee617: don’t ask. no need to add extra drama leading up to, and on, ur day.
Post # 10
Megbee617: DO NOT ASK HER TO BE A BRIDESMAID. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through this process: asking someone to be in your bridal party in the hopes that it will improve the relationship will fail every time. Weddings make people crazy and if you give drama queens even more responsiblity, that craziness is only going to increase. Plus, making Future Sister-In-Law a bridesmaid suddenly gives her a say in your wedding decisions since they will affect her. Don’t put that pressure on yourself if your Fiance and Future Sister-In-Law aren’t close anyways.
Post # 11
NO!!!!!! That is probably the WORST idea ever. Your bridesmaids are supposed to be people that love you, respect you, and are excited and honored to be standing up there with you.
If you think that she is going to magically turn into someone else because you ask her to be a bridesmaid, I think you are in for a ruuuude awakening. If she already doesnt get along with you and your Fiance, you can imagine how compounded that will be when you are trying to wedding plan and she has a large role in your planning. I would be too stressed tiptoeing around that messed up family dynamic.
Let her read something if you must have her involved but do not make her a bridesmaid. Too close for comfort.
Post # 12
Don’t borrow trouble. I don’t know where this idea comes from that asking women who clearly aren’t supportive is going to turn them into well behaved people, who suddenly care. It won’t.
OP you pretty much answered your own question with your follow up post. If you own FH is against it, why wouldn’t you heed the warning.
Post # 13
Do not ask her. Your stepmom means well but I disagree that making a drama queen a Bridesmaid or Best Man will reign her in. I had mine as a Bridesmaid or Best Man and will always regret it
Post # 14
Megbee617: People in your wedding party should be positive and helpful. She does not sound like that, so please don’t put someone in your wedding party just to keep the peace. You should want them there.
Post # 15
Megbee617: If your Fiance said that he does not want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man then do not go against him.