Post # 1
I have 6 so far, including my FI’s sister and my 2 cousins. My FI’s brother has a girlfriend of several years. I didn’t ask her initially because 1) we weren’t super close 2) I wanted it to be a bit small 3) my brother and mother were pressuring me to include my brother’s Girlfriend (who I barely know) 4) they aren’t engaged, and I was worried if FI’s brother ever broke up with her, it would be choice I would regret.
It’s about 6 weeks before the wedding. I’ve included this girl in all of the prewedding activities, and we’ve gotten closer in the past year. I also know she’s getting proposed to in a few months(!), and it’s clear we will have a relationship for a long time. I honestly regret not including her. Her BF has mentioned she is worried that she won’t be included in things, though those specific events I have included her in. I also invited her to my last dress fitting, along with the BMs, and she texted me privately to make sure I hadn’t accidentally included her. We were at brunch at my bachelorette and the manager came over to congratulate me. It was a small group, so she said “are these your bridesmaids?” and this girl is the only one who isn’t.
My fiance and I just asked her to do a reading at the ceremony and she was so freaking excited — I thought this would make the situation better, but honestly, the fact that she almost cried with joy makes me feel worse. I even looked to see if there is still a dress in her size — there isn’t one in the style we have (strapless), but I can get it with straps. I mentioned to my Fiance how I felt, and he said I should do what I think is best. My three friends (who were witness to the awkward brunch question), said it was understandable why she wasn’t asked, and that it’s too late now. What should I do? I guess it’s regret, but I think my original reasoning was sensible.
Post # 2
It’s too close. It would seem insulting. Being a guest and doing a reading is an honour enough. I don’t see what will be gained by adding her this late in the game.
However, ultimately you should ask whoever you want based on your relationship. Don’t ask her because the mom or the brother wants you to. Ask her because you couldn’t imagine getting married without her by your side. If that’s the case, then have that conversation with her
Post # 3
To be honest, I think there really are no rules when it comes to things like this. It’s your day and your Fiance is right, you should do whatever you feel! Her excitement about the reading makes me think she would probably love to be included (if of course you really want her there and it’s not just about feeling guilty).
I think if you’re honest with her and say now that you’re closer you want her to be included, she will probably be happy to join in! If she’s not comfortable joining in at this stage then at least you asked and I’m sure she will appreciate the gesture.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t, I think it’s too close. My brother got engaged while I was engaged. He’s been with her for several years, we get along really well and I’m thrilled she will be a part of our family but she isn’t one of closest friends so I asked her to do a reading. She was still involved in the whole day – got ready with us, sat at the wedding party table, and was a part of the ceremony. I think it will be easier to keep things how they are and it’s still very much including her.
Post # 5
I also think it’s too close to add her as a bridesmaid. You had valid reasons for not asking her to begin with, and it doesn’t sound like she has any bad feelings over not being asked – especially as you’ve been including her in as much as you can. Honestly, I would just leave it with the reading.
I’m a big believer in asking people whom you are close with and cannot imagine getting married without – not asking people out of obligation or because of pressure from others. My Fiance has 3 sisters, for example, and I’ve only asked 1 of them to be a bridesmaid because I’m not that close with the other 2 (plus, my Fiance really doesn’t get along with 1 and requested that she not be involved in the wedding party).
Post # 6
I say do it.
Unlike the above posters….I think you have a mouth and words and can tell her the truth. When you were first engaged you didn’t know her well but now have gotten to know her so well and you can’t imagine your big day without her standing up there.
Or let her do the reading and have her seated with her or whichever table you consider the VIP table.
Post # 7
On matters like this, you can do whatever you want!!! It is your special day and you are not offending anyone, so do whatever feels right in your heart. I only had my Maid/Matron of Honor stand with me. However, I had a few close friends in the bridal suite getting dressed with us. And I gave my bouquet to my oldest friend who attended the wedding.
Everyone got along well because I set the tone as the bride! My friends who didn’t know each other before the wedding even went out for drinks after the reception!!!
All this is reiterate, do what feels right to you as long as you are not offending anyone! 🙂