(Closed) Should I allow +1?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@punkin89:  I think you have to be consistent about your rule.

If you want to make your rule you have to be married or engaged to get a plus one, then that’s fine.

But if you are letting other people bring their boyfriends or girlfriends then you really can’t single this one guy out.

Post # 4
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

If she doesn’t like either of you, wouldn’t she probably skip it even if she was invited?

Post # 5
3775 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I would tell the friend that he can have a plus one as long as it’s not THAT one. 

Post # 6
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I personally think that the wedding party should be allowed a +1. Honestly, you probably won’t even notice her on your wedding day.

Post # 7
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree with Gemstone . Also, I don’t think you should single this Groomsmen out about his plus one. How long have they been dating?

Post # 8
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It would be very rude to not invite this person’s girlfriend.  Geez.  Imagine if that were you!  

Post # 9
5475 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

If they identify themselves as a couple, then they are a social unit- unfortunately etiquette says you should treat them as a social unit.  The good news for you though: if your wedding is still that far away, you can avoid the drama llama of telling anyone she’s not invited, and cross your fingers that this guy wises up & pulls a ditch the witch before your invitations go out. 

Post # 10
11419 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would suggest that you follow the simple, traditional, etiquette rule of inviting (by name, not as a “plus one”) couples who are married or engaged or who are living together.

Given your situation of not even being able to invite some family members whom you would like to include, I would not feel at all compelled to include boyfriends and girlfriends of your single guests, even if those guests are members of your bridal party.  Although it would be nice to be able to include them, it absolutely is not a breach of etiquette not to do so.

Post # 11
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Invite her. If you don’t, I foresee another problem – the groomsmen might take offense and step down from being in your wedding party. Might ruin a friendship, too.

Post # 13
438 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

This sounds like a tricky situation! Most of our wedding party is single, and we have 7 bm and 7 gm…and we are planning a small wedding, so giving all of them +1 would add a lot to our guest list! I did read in a magazine that people are doing +1 on a case by case basis, such as married, engaged or dating over a year…we were thinking of doing this, but the Bridesmaid or Best Man and Maid/Matron of Honor are single and we want to give them a date, so we are trying to decide whether to do a rule that applies to everyone or just hope our friends understand. I hope you come to the best decision to make you both happy! It is your day, and although you may not see her much at your reception, I know I am an emotional person and having her there would create a conflict in me that I wouldn’t want to deal with.

Post # 16
1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Honestly, I wouldn’t invite her.  If your families don’t want her there, and you and your Fiance BOTH don’t want her there, then don’t invite her.  I honestly can’t see shelling out the money for someone who isn’t supportive of you guys, I don’t care WHO they are.  But that’s just me.

As for the groomsman, I’d be prepared to lose that friend if you don’t invite his gf however.

It’s really a lose/lose situation.

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