(Closed) Should I Allow My Sister to Bring Her Boyfriend? (Who I Can't Stand)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Wow. This is really sticky! I would probably just invite my sister and guest so you are not inviting him directly. And maybe try to explain to your parents that this is your sister’s decision to make, not yours. 

 

 

Post # 3
Member
2445 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m sorry, this situation sucks and I totally understand. I went back and forth myself, but in the end I let my sister’s boyfriend come. It just wasn’t worth the stress and it made her happy so that was enough for me. I knew he would be a buzzkill (and he was) but that was on her, you know what I mean? If I didn’t let him come then I would’ve been the bad guy. My parents are not fans of him either, but we’ve all kind of put our feelings aside for her.. hopefully one day she realizes he’s not worth her time anymore.

Post # 4
Member
2425 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Yes you need to be the bigger person and invite him. 

Post # 5
Member
766 posts
Busy bee

mrsperu:  I would talk to your sister and tell her that while you aren’t going to tell her that he can’t come, you would really appreciate if she would reconsider given the family strife that would come along with it.  And while I wouldn’t normally say this, if she’s not receptive to the idea maybe offer to let her bring another friend instead so she can’t argue about being alone.

Also – you might also point out that given his feelings about your family and monogamy, it’s not exactly like this event is going to be his cup of tea.  And if he’s not having a good time, she’s not going to have a good time either.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by  goblueca.
Post # 6
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Ehhh, I mean, I know what all of the other bees are going to say, but I really don’t give a shit if it’s rude–I say don’t invite him. Your wedding should be about you and the people who support your marriage. I won’t have anyone at my wedding that I don’t want there. 

Post # 7
Member
2257 posts
Buzzing bee

mrsperu:  I just think the whole situation would be made worse by his presence at your wedding. I agree with goblueca. But I just think you should say “I just can’t invite him. You’re welcome to bring a friend, but it’s not just me who’s affected by his presence.”

Post # 8
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Your sister should choose her own date to bring to your wedding.

Post # 9
Member
5154 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I do think you need to invite him, unfortunately. He says he wont commit yet they are living together. What if next thing you know, they are engaged? You never know what might happen. I say give her a “guest” and let her decide. 

Post # 10
Member
2734 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Given his beliefs on family and monogomy, maybe he won’t even come. Clearly, he doesn’t care about your sister’s feelings so even her saying “babe, I really want you to come so I have someone to dance with etc” may not sway him either.

I totally get it. I HATE my sister’s “ex boyfriend”. I put that in quotes for two reasons: “ex” they aren’t together anymore but have recently started talking/hanging out. And “boyfriend” because they were together for 4 years and he never once called her his girlfriend or treated her like one in the slightest. My whole family and my Fiance hate him and I’m terrified she’s going to want to bring him to our wedding and I just don’t want him there! Ugh, I feel for you. I would do what goblueca said

Post # 11
Member
48 posts
Newbee

Will your sisters head be buried in her phone all niight texting him or pouting? then invite him…be the bigger person..

Post # 12
Member
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i’d level with her

‘sis, you a) said this is a temp relationship – and since it’s a temp relationship and you said you want someone to dance with etc, i’m inviting you to bring any other friend you like b) he causes huge family issues and although you might want to work them out later, my wedding isn’t the place for that. i’m asking you as your sister, to accept that him coming to my wedding isn’t worth the stress, hassle and family fights it will cause. can you please bring another date/friend?’

then point out that he

– hates marriage/monogamy and thinks people who want that are ‘brainwashed’ which is offensive and rude to you

– his presence will tarnish the event for your parents (rightly or wrongly) which is making you very sad because they are your parents and deserve to enjoy the day

– that this is causing you real stress and unhappiness and that you are hoping that she can understand all these issues and simply choose another date

 

Post # 13
Member
243 posts
Helper bee

I guess that I don’t see this as a matter of you not inviting him because you don’t want him there. If I were in your shoes, it would be a bigger deal that your parents don’t want him there. As much as this is your wedding, its a big day for your parents, too. I would say that if your parents don’t want him there, it would be a bigger deal to me that my parents are happy than that my sister is happy. I would say to kindly tell her that, out of respect for your parents, you would prefer if she brings someone else to the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Skirball Cultural Center

I would talk to my family about it, if they oppose it then I wouldn’t invite and say that the family isn’t okay with it, so you’re not the only bad guy. If he comes and your family becomes negative, it will affect your day. However, if they don’t care, then invite him. You probably won’t notice him (too busy having a fun time with your other guests and husband;)). he will most likely affect your sister and that is on her. 

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