(Closed) Should I allow this added rsvp guest?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee

No, I don’t see a problem with what you did in extending plus ones to certain single friends but not your cousin. I know there are people who think any 18+ people should automatically get plus ones, but I went to plenty of my cousins’ weddings in college and my college boyfriend was not invited, and neither he nor I ever thought anything of it. It would honestly have been weird for him to have gone to those weddings with me. I would just let him know that you can’t accommodate her.

Re the foreign exchange student, I think it’s considerate of you to let your aunt and uncle bring her. I think there’s a distinction between her and your cousin’s gf in that the exchange student might not know anyone else in the country, so might have nowhere else to go if your aunt and uncle are travelling to attend your wedding.

Post # 3
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
stevonnie:  That’s tough. I definitely think you should invite the exchange student. In my experience, exchange students do everything with their family. If the family received an invitation, she should be included. I go either way on the gf issue. If you think it will cause a kerfuffle, I’d let it go. No reason causing drama over one date. On the other hand, I think you can certainly call the parents or the cousin and say there must have been confusion and unfortunately, you’re not able to host uninvited guests.

Post # 5
Member
1974 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

It’s rather cheeky of him to add his new girlfriend to the RSVP. You have every right to say no, and would not be unreasonable for doing so. It is awkward though because as you said, you need to allow the exchange student to come. That automatically makes her a plus one. And if one brother has a plus one, then perhaps the other should be allowed a plus one too.

Either way, you’re being perfectly reasonable. Sorry this is of little help.

Post # 6
Member
1186 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
stevonnie:  meh. I wouldnt care. We had close familiy friends bring this couple ive never met in my life & they were so much fun, they danced with me & were really nice & made it even more fun. I also had another family bring all their boyfriends with (4 girls in the family, 2 bf’s) it just said like “The Thompson Family” on the invite. There were a few people who RSVP’d that didnt make it so it evened out. 

EDIT: our per person plate amount was $15 though, so thats why I wasnt too concerned. Ive heard in other places its way more though, that might change my opinion about it.

Post # 7
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Can you afford to add the +1? I guess that would do it for me. If it’s no biggie, let it go.

This is why we specifically stated how many seats we had reserved for each invite that was sent, in hopes to clarify that it was only that number of people (and we didn’t have kids invited unless we were related to them). I only had a wife of a friend ask about bringing their son, and I told her that she could, but then one of them would have to stay home since we only had 2 seats for them (due to the no kids thing). But, she was also very strict about this at her OWN wedding… so I was surprised she even questioned it.

Post # 8
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

I’d tell them that you have a 60 guest limit, you alloted 4 seats for their family, and you will let them know if you can accomodate the added guests, after you get all your RSVPs in.

Post # 9
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee

I think the exchange student should have been included on the parents invite, since it’s essentially their child for the year. Plus, it would have been easier to say ‘no plus ones’ to both cousins now. While I think it’s rude to include people on non-plus 1 invites, I think you’ll get push back allowing the younger plus 1 (exchange student) and not the older’s plus 1. 

One question- why do you consider older cousin’s Girlfriend as a plus one? You said you were inviting GFs/BFs?

Post # 10
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Should the exchange student be allowed to come? Sure. But they should have absolutely CALLED YOU and asked you about it, explaining the situation, rather than presumptuously adding her to the RSVP.

The new girlfriend? Nope. He’ll be with his entire family + exchange student. He doesn’t need to bring his girlfriend too. I’ve gone to cousin’s weddings with my family without my boyfriend when we had been dating for 5 YEARS at the time. He’ll survive a night away from her. I’d stay firm

I hate when people just think they can do whatever they damn well please.

Post # 11
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think you should just allow it. It’s one person. When you sent them separate invitations they probably assumed they can bring a guest. I have cousins who still live at home, and am planning to put their name on the invite to their parents hopefully making it clear its only for three people.

Post # 12
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You seem to be bothered by it, that alone tells me the cousin shouldn’t get a plus one.  We are not allowing my mom to bring a plus one unless the date is approved by us.  She goes through boyfriends like…..you know.  I told her I don’t want some random guy in all my wedding pictures because she was interested in so-in-so this week.  I would say I’m sorry but the inviation was for the family only (foreign student is temp family), and we only have X amount of seating and food available.

Post # 13
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee

How did you word the rsvps? Is it possible they misunderstood? If it’s clear that the invitation was only meant for one person, then it’s pretty rude to add a +1.

I’d let the foreign exchange student go but I agree the family should have asked you first. As for the girlfriend, it makes sense why you are allowing certain people to bring plus ones, and I think most guests would understand why those people are allowed to do so. But if you make an exception for this cousin, other guests may wonder why he was allowed to bring a guest and they were not.

Post # 15
Member
1758 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Ahh I cant believe how rude that is! Wanting to bring her and the exchange student probably wouldn’t bother me IF I WAS ASKED but to just put it on the rsvp. Wow. 

I’d be tempted to say no because of how it was handled but it’s probably not worth it haha! 

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