Should I apologise?

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2739 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I was writing a longer reply, but essentially it boils down to this.

if you’re not a parent be careful about giving a view on anyone’s parenting (directly or indirectly) to other parents. It’s a tough job and there is always someone telling you you’re doing something wrong by someone. 

Its good you’ve made up with your sister and I’m future I’d just avoid commenting / venting about that stuff with your uni friends. 

 

Post # 3
Member
785 posts
Busy bee

I think your friends were out of line. They were YOUR plans first and you invited your sister along to a set time. She asked if the time could change, which is fine but that didn’t work for you and then she changed YOUR plans. Not okay. Your parents were also out of line imo and put your sisters schedule ahead of yours. Not okay.

Here’s the thing that annoys me with (some, not all)  parents, I get you have children and maybe they need to adhere to a very strict schedule. That’s fine and I will be accommodating to a certain extent but I didn’t choose to have children and MY life doesn’t revolve around YOUR children sorry. And the fact that you have children doesn’t automatically mean you and your children’s schedule supersedes mine. I have a life, schedule, and plans too.

I wouldn’t have a problem saying that your friends if I were you because I think they need a reality check that their children may dictate their lives to a certain extent but they don’t get to put that on others.

Post # 4
Member
4469 posts
Honey bee

My opinion is that sometimes you don’t need to say all the thoughts you have inside your head out loud and vent to a large group.  Sometimes it’s okay to just shut that noise down or if it’s really big enough that you just cannot move on without venting to someone, be more selective in who you vent to and maybe do it in person instead of a group chat where that person can understand your tone and you can explain and move on quickly.  This was a tiny annoyance over what appears to be a common sisterly spat that didn’t need to be blown up the way this did or advertised to a large group of people.

You’re at different points in your life.  You have different priorities and different viewpoints.  Being more selective in your venting will probably benefit you in the future if all you’re looking for is an empty void who won’t potentially have a differing opinion.  At this point I would let it lie if it seems like the group has calmed down.

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

No need for further apologies or explanation. Rude is rude and having kids doesn’t mean you get a free pass on bad manners. If anything, parents should consider what their actions are teaching their kids about how to behave. 

As a parent, I have an obligation to specifically model good behavior for my kids. 

Post # 6
Member
2739 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Totally agree that parents don’t get a free pass, also agree that venting to the group was perhaps the wrong audience. 

Like I said, just avoid giving opinions on parenting to parents. 

Post # 7
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Scotts ~ Walnut Creek

I have a son and at no time would I ever have been bratty and/or rude enough to interrupt set plans my sister made with mom to accommodate my son. Sorry but I think your sister was being a pain. If she couldn’t make it that night she could have simply said maybe next time or arranged to have time with your mom on a different night. That has nothing to do with you trying to dictate or criticize her parenting skills. So no you weren’t wrong and I totally understand your feelings.

However, as stated above you made a minor situation major by venting about the situation online. I wouldn’t apologize, bc thats just not what I do when I’m right, and let the chips fall where they may. I might go so far as to say we can agree to disagree. But thats totally up to you. Keep this in mind for future reference. Maybe vent in a journal next time.

Post # 9
Member
3905 posts
Honey bee

As a parent myself I’d say your mommy friends are being waaaay too sensitive. Plans were made with you first. They should have stayed thst way and you and your mother could have made other plans to get together with your sister. Unfortunately some parents believe that they should get special treatment by virtue of the fact that they have children. 

Don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong. 

Post # 10
Member
47193 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think your mistake started with venting about your sister. Your parents are the ones who had a previous commitment wth you, and dropped it to have dinner with your sister.That was rude on their part. They should have made arrangements to spend time with your sister on another occasion.

Post # 11
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Lol the fact that your sister was still there is obnoxious, feels like she was just trying to be annoying rather than actually needing to stick to a set schedule. 

But agree with PPs, know your audience. Some people get defensive and feel like you’re attacking all parents (which you weren’t.) At the end of the day, everyone has their own responsibilities and schedules. I personally don’t think one should out weigh the other but everyone should try to be flexible kids or no kids, job or no job.

Post # 12
Member
8809 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

gypsymermaid :  Your sister was wrong and your parents were even more wrong. Where you went wrong was, if it wasn’t about the baby then why did you bring the baby into it? You specifically said “she’s the one with the baby” and “her baby is her responisibility”. These go without saying, so when you say them, to a group that includes parents no less, it’s easy to see why they interpreted it the way they did. 

Why are you more annoyed with your sister than with your parents, who are the ones who actually cancelled their pre-arranged plans with you?

Post # 13
Member
6528 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

gypsymermaid :  Sorry, I’m a mom and they are spewing bullshit.  If I can’t pull it together to get somewhere on time, then I don’t try to change other people’s plans.  If something is scheduled at my kid’s naptime, I go without.  Wah.

I hate that condescending, patronizing “if you aren’t this, you can’t have an opinion” that’s been going around in the last few years.  It’s idiotic.  Sure your perspective might be a little off, but it doesn’t mean you’re wrong.  In this case, your sister was a jerk and frankly so was your mom.  If she wanted to have a meal with her parents so badly, why didn’t she just schedule something for another time?  Why didn’t your mom suggest that?  There’s no reason to change your premade plans because of that.

Easiest solution is to not vent behind peoples’ backs, but let’s face it, we all do sometimes.  You’ve learned what not to say with that particular group.  Find someone else to complain to, I guess.  And don’t apologize.

Post # 14
Member
3604 posts
Sugar bee

So what your sister did was rude, and has nothing to do with the fact that she’s a mom and everything to do with the fact that she’s rude. If the time didn’t work for her, she should’ve bowed out since they were originally your plans. I think where this all went wrong is in the fact that you ranted about her being a mom as the source of the problem, and not that your sister was being selfish just because. I wouldn’t necessarily apologize, but say that you were ranting about your sister being rude in basically stealing your dinner plans, but realize the issue isn’t her being a mom or her baby.

Post # 15
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve learned not to complain about anything to “mommy people”. This doesn’t mean all parents but the very specific mommy group that can work “you don’t understand, cause you don’t have kids” to everything. I work with a few of these.

Don’t apologise. But also if you need to vent then choose another group of people. Also, your sister was being rude. Her being a parent has nothign to do with it. She was just rude. and your parents were even worse.

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