- 8 months ago
- Wedding: September 2020
Im in a WhatsApp group with a few friends I went to college with. We all use it to keep in touch and most of also use it as a safe place to vent. I had a little moan about a family situation that upset me. I had made plans for me and my partner to go out for a meal at 6.30pm after i finished work last night with my parents, these plans were made a week ago when we realised both me and my mum weren’t working which doesn’t often happen. I thought yesterday I’ll just mention it to my sister see if she wants to/is available to come, she said she would like to come but 6.30pm is too late because of her little one and 5.30pm would suit her better. Normally I’m very flexible and understanding and even made my engagement meal a few weeks ago an hour earlier to suit my nieces bedtime.
I said sorry we can’t make that as I’m at work until 5.30pm then need to have a shower, get changed and drive the 15 minutes to the meal, to be honest 6.30pm would have been a rush.
She then got a bit annoyed, messaged my mum in a private chat and pursuade them to go and eat with her and her partner at 5.30pm. My mum told me she was going to eat with them and then can meet us for a drink after if we like. I thought it was a bit rude to cancel plans made in advance with me to go instead with her last minute but just said ok if that’s what you want. Instead of having it all kick off with my family I thought I’d vent in the group chat about my sister. I said I thought it was unfair that I had to miss out on plans with my parents that I made and that she’s the one with the baby if she can’t make it because of her baby she should just make plans with my parents another time and stay in not pursuade my mum to cancel on me. I said i think her child is her responsibility and that shes selfish. Another friend commented agreeing that was very rude and not to invite her next time.
Well two mum’s in this group kicked off at these two comments, said it’s so rude to say that she should stay in because she has a baby and so rude of my other friend to suggest not to bother inviting her next time because she has a baby. My friend didn’t suggest not inviting her ‘because she has a baby’ she just meant not to invite her next time because she’s rude. I feel they twisted our words and took them out of context, said that because they have kids does that mean we don’t want to invite them to things either, it was never about not wanting kids there it was about her expecting me to miss out so she could come.
This one girl said some horrible things such as “I hope when you have a baby your sister does things without you”, and both repeatedly said comments like “You’re not a Mum you don’t understand”, “You wouldn’t get it you don’t have kids”, “You’ll understand when you have kids” I find these kind of comments really annoying. I responded by saying I think those kind of comments are unnecessary seeing as there are a couple of women in this group that would love to be a Mum but can’t right now. (One girl can’t have kids, another would love to but her partner doesn’t want to and I can’t yet because of my financial situation) She replied saying well it’s a fact, it’s a fact you don’t understand because you don’t have kids, it might be a fact but does it really need pointing out in a situation where emotions are already running so high!
Sorry for the rant. A couple of us that were on my point of view have sent nice messages saying we hope everyone’s ok and hope we can put it behind us.
So do you think I should apologise specifically for my comment about my sisters child being her responsibility or do you think it’s enough that I’ve clarified I only meant she should miss out in this situation because they were my plans first, not that I at all expect Mums to stay in all the time.
For the record (if it matters) me and my sister are fine now. I ate somewhere else and went to meet my parents for a drink at 8pm after at the place they ate only to find my sister still there ordering more drinks. I got annoyed at her she changed all my plans and all ate early without me and my partner because of my nieces bedtime to still be out with my neice at 8pm meaning we could have eaten together at 6.30pm. She agreed she’s a pain in the arse and shouldn’t have done that. I’m more than used to falling out with my sister and being fine the next day, it’s the friends situation that’s stressing me out.
Just looking for some impartial opinions 🙂
Thank you and sorry for the length.