Should I apologise?

posted 9 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

rez123 :  Yeah the one I hate the most is you can’t say you’re tired without a parent saying “you don’t know what tired is until you have a kid.” I’m pretty sure working in corrections for 16 hour shifts constitutes being tired after 5 hours of sleep. Smh. 

OP I don’t think you were in the wrong and what you said was perceived and flipped to be something I don’t think you intended it to be. Drop the group chat as you planned to do already.

Post # 17
7879 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Twizbe :  excellent advice. I’ve had non-parents make comments to me about other parents thinking “well she’s a good mom so she’ll probably agree with me that this parent is a bad parent”. Nope. STFU non-parent. Unless someone is blatantly a neglectful or abusive parent I’m not jumping into the mom shaming with you. Sometimes it may be something I wouldn’t do (which doesn’t make it bad) and sometimes it’s been stuff that I have totally done myself and I tell them as much. 

Post # 18
1449 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

As the mother of 4 I also find this annoying.  My kids are older now and my sister has a LO with a 7pm bedtime.  It’s so hard to do anything together.  My SO works until 6 and we can’t make 5:30 dinner either.  Last time my daughter watched her daughter so they could come out past 7.  Very rude of your parents to let her hijack your dinner plans. But in their defense they were probably just trying to accommodate seeing everyone.  This is your time to make concessions.  Kids will get older and things will change.  I was really down about my sisters little kids now that I can finally do things again. But we’ve figured out a way to make. It work.  It’s called chipotle Saturday at my moms. With all the grandkids.  It’s messy chaos but at least we all get to see eachother!  Hang in there bee. 

Post # 19
1981 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

I think your parents meant well and I hate that people say “well you’re not a parent so you have no idea.” I always try and accommodate my friends who have kids with a strict schedule Some of my mum parents are flexibe, some are not. Why do people with babiea/ toddlers think their friends don’t understand after the 1000th time they’ve they’ve told them how tough it is? 

Post # 20
1533 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like a minor family situation was blown out of proportion when you vented about it in a group chat. To me, that’s really out of line to vent like that in a group setting, especially when it comes to family situations bc it puts ppl in an awkward spot….should they have shit talked your sister to make you feel better? There’s no winning in that scenario.

Regardless, in text messages, tone is often lost so they may have read your comments differently than you intended them to come across, and they may have felt like you were attacking the fact that your sister is a mother in general for the issue you were actually having with your parents. Venting is fine, but perhaps keep it to a more intimate setting to avoid these misunderstandings.

Post # 21
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

This had very little to do with having kids. Your sister was terribly rude and your mother also. You don’t cancel plans you made to go see someone else…

Anyways, some people react strongly when they feel attacked even though you didn’t mean to. It’s probably a fear they have to be set aside because of their kids and the responsibilities that come with it.

Post # 22
484 posts
Helper bee

OP,  I hate people like this. They act like the world revolves around their kid. It’s not like you didn’t feel like going at 5:30, you had to *work*. Your sister should have said okay and made plans with your mom on a different day. Instead she had to be the selfish prima donna who made everyone else bend to her will.

Your friends are no better; they showed their true colors in the text exchange. You don’t need to have kids to recognize bad behavior, though hopefully you do if you have kids. These women clearly don’t. I’d say as much in the group chat and leave it at that.

Post # 24
4529 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

DoubleD :  lol… But  even amongst parents with children they have a I”m more tired than you’ hierarchy. Don’t ever tell someone with 3+kids that you are exhausted when you’ve got only one or two kids!! They’ll give you daggers or make a point of telling you how much more tired they are!!! 😂😂😂


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