(Closed) Should I apologize?

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 3
581 posts
Busy bee

Anything you say will be miscontrued.  You need to be quiet–do not engage with the sister or his parents  At this point, your Fiance must take care of the business with his family.  He can mute his phone during dinner.  He needs to set rules with his family.  I know he works for them, but he must take some sort of control in the way they treat him and you.

Post # 4
1331 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Nope.  Stay far, far away from his psycho Korean family.  Ignore them completely from now on.  By The Way, I thought I saw this thread the other night with a lot more comments, what happened?

Post # 6
127 posts
Blushing bee

IGNORE THEM and see them only when you have to.

Post # 7
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I am so sorry you have to deal with this; I feel your pain through your words. Don’t say anything to his family; don’t even apologize to his sister that will only give her an advantage. If his family wants to act like fools do not join them.

I do agree with the poster who said your FH needs to put his foot down. I wouldn’t care if he worked for them or not, I would not allow anyone to disrespect my fiancé. It seems to me the only reason why he allows his family to belittle him and you are because of the job; maybe it’s time to find a new job. This cannot go on, it’s not healthy for you, him, and it surely will not be healthy for any children in this situation.

Post # 8
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My Fiance is a first generaion Korean. It took ALOT for his family (especially mom) to like me, let along accept us getting married. At first she didn’t even acknowledge i was in the room and she would talk about me in Korean to everyone in the room. She said to my fiance (boyfriend at the time) “she’s nice for now, but you really need to go to Korea and find youself a nice wife”. I tried to stay away from the family after that but it just got worse. I invited myself to learn to cook a Korean dish with his mom and our relationship changed after that. She understood that I respected her culture and loved her son–granted my fiance really worked for her to understand this as well. His family gossiped alot! My best tool was to make an ally in the family and work my way in with the rest of the family. Hang in there! It took me 3 years before we could get engaged and his mom like me–now she’s thrilled we are getting married! Good luck!!!

Post # 9
457 posts
Helper bee

Wow, I am so sorry you have to endure this. What your saying sounds just like how my sister in law and mother in law are. It all stemmed from the sister in law, saying the same things your Future Sister-In-Law says to your Fiance. All I can say after going through a 7 month engagement dealing with the drama, and then finally at the wedding, cut them out of your life. Our final straw was when my husbands sister called him for an hour, non stop on his company cell phone…he had over 50 calls, and over 50 text msgs, name calling him, name calling me, name calling my family, and then finally telling him she was going to kill herself over how horrible we are as people. Husband changed his number, my in laws ( aside from my wonderful father in law) do not have our new numbers and have no way of contacting us other than email which we sent to the junk filter if we get anything.

You def have nothing to say your sorry for, I found that the harder you try to be accepted and the more you try to put out there and make the relationship work, the more your going to get hurt because people like that only want to play games with you and your emotions. They don’t like you for their own messsed up reasons, nothing you say or do will change. It took me awhile of being abused by my mother and in law and sister in law to realize this. Some days they would try to be all warm and fuzzy with me and then in the next breath they would be bad mouthing me and bashing me and then trying to pass it off on everyone else that I did or said something.

Also, if your Fiance family is going to talk trash about you to other people, those other people are foolish if they are going to pass judgements on you without knowing both sides or even caring to realize there are 2 sides to the story. I worried a lot about what my husbands extended family would think of me, and most of them have proved their true colors to be jerks and not worth my time, because they chose to listen to the lies and crazy talk of my Mother-In-Law, that’s their problem, not mine, I don’t need or want people like that in my life, you have to get yourself to the point of just not caring about them. It’s not easy, and your going to have days where you stew over it, but at the end of the day you need to be able to say it’s their problem, not yours, and mabye one day when you and your hub have kids and they AREN’T in their life then they can realize. Until them IGNORE them, I know your Fiance has to work with them, but maybe he needs to think about doing something, or he can just keep his relationship STRICKLY work, and when any talk comes about that isn’t work, he shuts it down ASAP.

Post # 10
108 posts
Blushing bee

I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Please continue to stand up for yourself, but don’t engage in any contact with FI’s family, it will only make you look combative and immature – which is what they want. Continue to pray for his family and try to love them as best as you can, even though it may seem near impossible to do so. *HUGS*

Post # 11
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@jeye7161: I think you need to understand that these people are not interested in making amends or improving your relationship so I honestly don’t see any point in apologizing since anything you say WILL be used against you. 

Your BF’s family only loves and supports him as long as they can control him.  I would suggest he find another job and distance himself.  The nonsense about not giving him his pay because they don’t approve of what he spends his money on is beyond the pale. 

He really needs to stand up to them and put his foot down about what he will and won’t tolerate.  If his sister insists on harrasing him with phone calls, he should block her number.  Everytime she says something negative about you he should tell her the conversation is over and hand up.  Same with any other thing she does or says that’s unacceptable. 

It would be nice if these people were interested in reconciling or making things better and maybe someday they will be but neither of you should allow them to make you miserable in the meantime.  They shouldn’t have that much power over your lives.  You both could probably use some counseling to help you deal with this issue and how it impacts your relationship.

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