(Closed) Should I Ask?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Can I Ask FI's Sister if She's Planning a Bachelor Party for Him?

    Yes, it doesn't hurt to ask.

    No, that's not how it works.

  • Post # 2
    Member
    6921 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    If he doesn’t have close friends, who exactly is going to be attending his bachelor party anyway?  And if there is someone, perhaps that person would be planning it?  Have you considered just doing a joint party to include both sides?  I attended one of those (backyard bbq) and it was great.

    I wouldn’t push, but there’s probably no reason you can’t ask something along the lines of “so do you happen to know if someone  [not her specifically]  is planning a bachelor party for fiance?” and go from there.

    Post # 3
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    Yah this seems the best opportunity for a 2 in 1 combo stag-stagette. I’ve been to a camping one and it was great  

    If that’s not your jam, he might just not have one and that’s okay too. Who would go? I don’t think you should be involved and you definitely shouldn’t plan it, that’s a bit bizarre (and honestly a tad pathetic and motherly) if a wife plans her future husbands stag. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    13889 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Agreed with PPs — if he didn’t have friends to be groomsmen, who would be at this event?  Not trying to be a jerk, but if he couldn’t identify a wedding party, who will be there to celebrate at a bachelor party?

    Perhaps a joint event is the way to go in this situation.

    Post # 6
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    The fact that you’d be there makes it not a stag. It just sounds like a dinner than you’re going to put a twist on to make it about him. Sounds a bit awkward and unnecccessary. Best to let this go and accept these events don’t happen for everyone. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    But def plan a random dinner to hang out.  Just don’t refer to it as a stag. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    508 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    You don’t need to just have the bridal party at a bachelor party.  for the Bachelor party for my FH, our fathers and male siblings are going, as well as some coworkers that he likes.  I think that if it is important to you/him for him to have a bachelor party, then it doesn’t hurt to ask.

    Post # 9
    Member
    6981 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    View original reply
    freckledfrida :  I get that you want to make this special for your Fiance, but don’t you think calling it a bachelor party when you literally only have 3 guests (one being the bride) is kind of weird? I think if I was in his position I’d be embarrassed and look at is as a kind of pity party. I think planning a special dinner for the 4 of you is a lovely idea. I just don’t think you need to call it his bachelor party. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    860 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

    View original reply
    freckledfrida :  I was in a similar situation — we had only immediate family in the wedding party. DH’s sister and her husband stood with him and my brother and his wife stood with me. Despite this, my people went the traditional route for the bachelorette and bachelor party. All the girls (plus my gay male friends) came to my bachelorette party (including my husband’s sister) and then my husband’s sister’s husband threw his bachelor party but his sister didn’t attend. I was a little surprised, but she said she wanted him to have a boys’ night. We went out dancing and had the traditional penis straws and everything. DH just played video games and drank beer at his BIL’s house with a few guys. Anything goes! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    11385 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    i don’t put a lot of stock in a stag night – for those who do, the point isn’t for the bride to micromanage the stag night. It really feels too motherly, as PP mentioned.

    you could have a joint party if you want to include him – that would be fun and inclusive.

    By definition:

    stag par·ty
    noun
    noun: stag night
    a celebration held for a man shortly before his wedding, attended by his male friends only.
    NORTH AMERICAN
    any party attended by men only.

     

    You know, it’s totally cool if he’s  not  into things  like this- I mean, it’s kind of outdated anyway. 

     

     

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