Post # 1
im having a small issue with something and would reall appreciate so outs advice
iv been with my fiancé for 1 1/2 years and early on in the relationship we had the conversation about previous partners etc…he was very honest with me about the fact that he cheated on his gf of five years and was extremely remorseful about it …now at the time I understood that we were in a very new relationship and so I didn’t ask for details also my ex had cheated on me twice during our relationship so it was a little sensitive and I’m also insecure at times
during an argument about 4 months ago I brought the fact of his cheating up (very wrong I know) i asked him for details such as how did it happen, why, was it a long affair or a one night fling, what does he consider cheating, was it a drunken kiss or more than that?? He was kind of annoyed but very understanding and said he would tell me everything if I truly needed to know but in the end I was annoyed with myself and said I didn’t want to know and that it was none of my business and that I was very sorry for bringing it
the thing is I kind of wish I knew! Do I have a right to know these things and should I bring it up again in a conversation and not a row this time? :-/
i must point out that my fiance has never cheated on me or given me cause to doubt his faithfulness to me at all, he’s a wonderful guy and he genuinely feels very sorry about how he treated his ex
the question has been playing in my mind lately and would really love some advice 🙂
Post # 3
The past is the past. Do you really want to know the signs so you can judge his every step? Why not just lay all the trust out on the table and accept him for who he is.
I’m sure it’s a morbid curiosity that’s getting to you and nothing more.
Fiance and I never talk about our past relationships. Why does it matter? In passing we might mention something, but the foundation of our relationship is based on the present and the future.
Post # 4
hi thank you 🙂
yes i think that’s partially true and it is morbid curiosity and I think the fact that my previous partner cheated has made me more sensitive to it
i totally agree that the past is the past and that’s why I didn’t ask for details in the beginning..I guess I’m worried that knowing the details might cause more issues than they solve :-/ and yet part of me feels I should know about this part of his past if I’m planning on marrying him x
Post # 5
@ForeverbluexX: I also believe past is past but I still get curious. I think if your partner is okay talking about past then fine.It is what has made him who he is today. I refuse to get jealous over anything from the past though. So I think it is fine as long as you are both comfortable and it isn’t bought into your relationship.
Post # 6
I think it’s more about finding out what he considers to be cheating :-/ I can’t say we’ve ever had that conversation..I would consider even a kiss to be cheating and I suppose I’m really just curious to know his views on it..that might be easier to ask than actually grilling him about his past x at the same time what if I find out something and regret it …
Post # 7
@ForeverbluexX: I think you should definitely mark out what your cheating boundaries are within your relationship. For instance, my Fiance and I think that sexting is a form of cheating, but many others don’t. So I don’t think you need to know the details of his past, but you need to discuss what you think is cheating for sure.
Post # 8
If I were in your shoes, especially if I brought up his past in an arguement I’d say something like “I know I brought up your past and cheating on your ex, that was wrong of me. I realized, I don’t really care about the details of that, it’s past. But I don’t know what you consider cheating, and especially since I was cheated on I’m sensitive to the topic. I’m sorry I brought it up like that, but what I’d really like now if for you to forgive that blunder and for us to talk calmly about what we each feel is cheating and come to an agreement for our relationship.”
Really, being in a relationship, it’s reasonable and beneficial to make sure you’re on the same page about what cheating is.
Post # 9
Hi thank you 🙂
thats really good advice ..I think ultimately that’s what it boils down to..trying to work out what the boundaries are within our relationship and making sure we are in the same page when it comes to issues like cheating
part of me is really curious about that part of his past also but I recognise that it’s better to be left where it is..in the past x