Post # 1
So, we got married on Saturday, yay!! The whole day was amazing, nothing major went wrong, eveyone was lovely and I’m so happy to be married 🙂
There’s just one thing that’s been bothering me. One of my friends turned up late and missed the ceremony. She doesn’t know I know that because she managed to catch the start of the drinks reception, but we had a fairly small wedding so I noticed she wasn’t there and a couple of other guests let slip that they saw her arriving late (we had the whole thing, ceremony + drinks + dinner + party in one venue).
She was there throughout the drinks and the dinner, then left really early in the evening without saying goodbye. I’ve looked through our cards and gifts and she didn’t give us one (obviously guests aren’t required to bring gifts and I wasn’t expecting one, but I was kind of surprised not even to get a card). Her boyfriend was meant to be joining us in the evening as he couldn’t come during the day but he never turned up.
I don’t know if I’m being totally ridiculous but I do feel a little bit hurt. I don’t know if maybe something is going on in her life that she didn’t tell me about (maybe she was feeling ill, or maybe things aren’t going very well with her boyfriend or something?) but if it were me I think I would have made a point of explaining that to the bride on the day or sending a message afterwards or something.
Part of me wants to message her to ask her if she is ok and to find out what happened, but a) I don’t want to embarrass her (especially as I think she thinks I didn’t notice she wasn’t at the ceremony) b) I don’t know if I am completely overreacting and this isn’t actually a big deal.
She is only close to two other people who were at the wedding so I could ask one of them what was going on but I don’t want them to feel awkward and like they are in the middle.
What would you do bees? Am I being completely ridiculous? My DH thinks I should just let it go, as on the whole the day went so well, we had zero no-shows and everyone else was SO lovely and generous, but I just can’t help thinking about this one friend…
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I *might* message her and ask if she’s ok– just b/c she left early. You don’t have to mention that you know she also came late and (obviously) nothing about the card/gift….
But I’d do this out of concern, not out of annoyance. It sounds to me like something is going on with her. And she may not want to talk about it, so be prepared to be blown off a bit.
Either way, I’d focus on the lovely wedding you had! Sounds like it was awesome! Can’t wait to see the recap?
Post # 4
@guineapig45: If I was you I would just send her something along the lines of “hey hun, hope everything’s alright with you, noticed you left a lil early on the wedding night, was so great to see your gorgeous face there, we had such a beautiful day xx”
Post # 5
Etiquette Snob here… lol
Honestly… You don’t need to know. And she doesn’t really have to apologize either.
She was there. She showed up when she could, and stayed for however long she felt she could.
Technically she should have said good-bye to the Host (we assume you)
BUT it is quite possible that she is having as you say “issues” going on right now that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing…
Or worse yet “burdening” you with on YOUR BIG DAY
(Classy of her)
I read your post, and honestly it sounds to me like it might very well be a BF issue… especially so as he was SUPPOSED to be there with her you say.
Plus it could all be quite embarassing for her… if that is the case
Complicated BF crap… maybe even demeaning for her to have Friends happy in love getting married if your own love life is in the toilet
Let her be.
She’ll talk to you about it when she’s ready, if she does at all.
It really isn’t your business otherwise.
Just be happy that despite all that was happening in her life at the moment, she still made time for you.
That is ALL that really matters
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
@guineapig45: I’m with TTR. She came for as long as she could. You don’t need to know and she clearly doesn’t feel like telling or she would have. Don’t put her in an awkward position and make her feel guilty.
Post # 7
I would absolutely leave it alone. You’re allowed to be hurt but it really isn’t any of your business.
Post # 9
@MsChandler: I like the sound of that idea. Then she can decide if she’s ready to discuss what happened or not
Post # 10
I think it really depends on the nature of your friendship with her. I have some friends that, in your situation, I would not feel at all uncomfortable about asking what was up; and then there are others that it would just be best to not say anything at all.
If I were going to ask it would be something along the lines of “Hey, thank you so much for coming to the wedding! I noticed you left early but figured you may have had something else going on. I’m glad you were able to make it out for the time that you did though! Hope everything is okay!”
Post # 11
I would let it go. I’ve gone to weddings and not said bye to the couple…it can be really hard to get over to them sometimes as they’re surrounded by people all night! If she wants to talk about it she will when she’s ready.
Post # 12
If she’s a really close friend I would just ask if everything is okay. Don’t bring up the lack of card or gift or late arrival or any of that. Maybe be like “You missed some fun stuff and we missed you, is everything okay?”
Post # 13
@guineapig45: I think it’s worth bringing up (especially if she is a close friend). Maybe you could phrase it like, “hey girl, it was SO good to see you the other night! I wish you and I would’ve had a chance to hang out a little at the reception, but I am so glad you could make it :)” and just see what she says. She might offer up a little information on her own without you ever having to really ask