(Closed) Should I ask her or forget about it?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I *might* message her and ask if she’s ok– just b/c she left early. You don’t have to mention that you know she also came late and (obviously) nothing about the card/gift….

But I’d do this out of concern, not out of annoyance. It sounds to me like something is going on with her. And she may not want to talk about it, so be prepared to be blown off a bit.

Either way, I’d focus on the lovely wedding you had! Sounds like it was awesome! Can’t wait to see the recap?

Post # 4
437 posts
Helper bee

@guineapig45:  If I was you I would just send her something along the lines of “hey hun, hope everything’s alright with you, noticed you left a lil early on the wedding night, was so great to see your gorgeous face there, we had such a beautiful day xx”

Post # 5
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Honestly… You don’t need to know.  And she doesn’t really have to apologize either.

She was there.  She showed up when she could, and stayed for however long she felt she could.

Technically she should have said good-bye to the Host (we assume you)

BUT it is quite possible that she is having as you say “issues” going on right now that she doesn’t feel comfortable sharing…

Or worse yet “burdening” you with on YOUR BIG DAY

(Classy of her)

I read your post, and honestly it sounds to me like it might very well be a Boyfriend or Best Friend issue… especially so as he was SUPPOSED to be there with her you say.

Plus it could all be quite embarassing for her… if that is the case

Complicated Boyfriend or Best Friend crap… maybe even demeaning for her to have Friends happy in love getting married if your own love life is in the toilet

Let her be.

She’ll talk to you about it when she’s ready, if she does at all.

It really isn’t your business otherwise.

Just be happy that despite all that was happening in her life at the moment, she still made time for you.

That is ALL that really matters

Hope this helps,


Post # 6
7211 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@guineapig45:  I’m with TTR. She came for as long as she could. You don’t need to know and she clearly doesn’t feel like telling or she would have. Don’t put her in an awkward position and make her feel guilty. 

Post # 7
9116 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I would absolutely leave it alone. You’re allowed to be hurt but it really isn’t any of your business.


Post # 9
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MsChandler:  I like the sound of that idea. Then she can decide if she’s ready to discuss what happened or not

Post # 10
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it really depends on the nature of your friendship with her.  I have some friends that, in your situation, I would not feel at all uncomfortable about asking what was up; and then there are others that it would just be best to not say anything at all.

If I were going to ask it would be something along the lines of “Hey, thank you so much for coming to the wedding! I noticed you left early but figured you may have had something else going on. I’m glad you were able to make it out for the time that you did though! Hope everything is okay!”


Post # 11
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would let it go. I’ve gone to weddings and not said bye to the couple…it can be really hard to get over to them sometimes as they’re surrounded by people all night! If she wants to talk about it she will when she’s ready.

Post # 12
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If she’s a really close friend I would just ask if everything is okay.  Don’t bring up the lack of card or gift or late arrival or any of that.  Maybe be like “You missed some fun stuff and we missed you, is everything okay?”

Post # 13
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@guineapig45:  I think it’s worth bringing up (especially if she is a close friend). Maybe you could phrase it like, “hey girl, it was SO good to see you the other night! I wish you and I would’ve had a chance to hang out a little at the reception, but I am so glad you could make it :)” and just see what she says. She might offer up a little information on her own without you ever having to really ask

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