(Closed) Should I ask his sister?

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

Oooh, toughie.  Have you talked to your Fiance about this?  If it is important to him that his sis be included, then maybe it’s something you have to consider (and he should talk to his sis about being nicer).  If it’s not, and he’d only want to do it to avoid nagging from his mom about why SIL isn’t included…I don’t know that I’d feel it worth the headache.  You can always fall back on the fact that your brother and Fiance get along very well and consider each other friends.  You and his sis do not have that relationship.  My BIL was a groomsman, but my brother was not. We aren’t terribly close, and my hubs hardly knows him at all, so it just seemed weird. He walked my mom down the aisle, and that was how we incorporated him in. Everyone was happy and satisfied.  Maybe you could give her another "important" job and mollify her by saying you need a trusted family member outside the bridal party to help handle things?

Post # 4
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks

I like princesskitty’s idea.  Give her SOMETHING to do so that she’s "included" but you don’t have to deal with her always being on hand as a bridesmaid.  I really think your enjoyment of your wedding will be significantly decreased if you have her as a bridesmaid since you’ll have to deal with her so much more (if she’s really as unpleasant as you say), so I would definitely NOT get bullied into doing that, but include her in some other manner so you’re not just giving her yet another reason to be unpleasant.  Good luck!!

Post # 5
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2008

You know, I ran into a similar situation when choosing my bridal party.  It wasn’t important to my fiance that I include his sisters, and we definitely aren’t close at all, but I felt a little guilty about not including them, or that people on their side of the family would feel slighted.  In the end, I asked them to stand in the lobby and give out programs and fans as guests arrive at the church.  We’re calling them the "greeters," and they will probably be included in the program.  This solved the problem, because now they feel special and included, and my bridal party gets to remain my closest friends with whom I feel extremely comfortable.

Post # 6
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

personally, i asked my future SIL to be a bridesmaid, but then again we get along very well. talk it over with your future hubby, b/c he did make your brother a groomsmen, so its only fair that he gets a say in the decision. hope this is helpful

Post # 7
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

Similar situation here, minus the brother part!  I have a sister and she will be doing a reading.  I asked my Fiance if he wanted his sister in the wedding somehow (she and I don’t get along).  He said no, cracked a few jokes, and that was the end of it.  If he doesn’t want her in it, I’m certainly not going to put her in it.  Also, I have a very close male friend with whom my fiance isn’t that close– he’s more my friend.  He wasn’t comfortable having him as a groomsman or on my side as a bridesman, so he’s going to be an usher (seating people and walking my grandma).

I say ask your fiance.  If he wants her in the wedding, give her another role– she doesn’t have to be a bridesmaid just because your brother is a groomsman.  Otherwise, don’t worry about it!

Post # 8
Member
17 posts
Newbee

My Fiance isn’t very close with his sister (and I’m not either even though she lived with us for an entire year).  However, I still felt that she should be a part of the wedding party… I didn’t want her to feel left out.  My problem is that I already have 7 bridesmaids, and my Fiance is only going to have 2 or 3 guys on his side (since we’re having a destination wedding and not all of his friends can make it).  So long story short, my fiance asked his sister to be his best woman.  I think it’s a great compromise!  Female grooms"men" are becoming a lot more popular and it doesn’t bother us because we’re not that traditional anyway.  Ultimately, you have to do what you want… don’t feel pressured to include anybody. 

Post # 9
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

similar-but-not-similar situation here…

 my fiance and i met at college, and his family lives about 30 minutes from our college, so we meet up with his family all the time for dinner, Disneyland trips, etc. they took me out for my birthday, i’m invited to all the family birthday parties, etc.

he has two sisters, i have four brothers. since i have no sisters, i’ve become fairly close to his. i’m planning on asking them to be my only bridesmaids – i don’t want a big wedding party, so i don’t want to go with friends since i’m afraid i’ll offend whomever i leave out. my fiance, however, is asking two of his best friends to be his best man/groomsmen – my littlest brother might be ring bearer, but my other three probably won’t be in the wedding at all. then again, they’re boys, and being in the wedding really doesn’t matter to them. 🙂

i second the idea of giving the future SIL another job – but if you don’t want her to be your bridesmaid, don’t feel pressured to – unless it’s very important to your fiance that she is.

Post # 10
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2007

I’m gaining FOUR SILs from this marriage. I kind of feel that family should be included in some way, so I made the two older ones bridesmaids (and have two friends as my other two) and the two younger ones  will be usherettes. My brother is going to be an usher, too.

Post # 11
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I also like the idea of having her be a part of the wedding without outright making her a bridesmaid…I’ve seen this at many weddings, and I think its a nice way to include family without having to be part of the "inner circle"…my Fiance was an usher at his step-sister’s wedding, which I thought was really nice. 

Post # 12
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2007

My brother recently got married.  His wife has two brothers (one of them a twin) and he has me and another sister.  My sister was so incredibly hurt that her and I both weren’t asked to be in the wedding party.  I personally didn’t care, but my sister was really offended.  We were asked to be readers, but frankly we both felt it was kind of a afterthought to just give us something to do.  

My sister talked to a lot of her friends, and they could not believe that she wasn’t a bridesmaid.  A lot of people seem to consider it just something you do to include siblings as bridesmaids/groomsmen.  
I have had an up and down relationship with my fiance’s sister, but I wouldn’t dream of not including her as a bridesmaid.  I have 6 bridesmaids, this sister, his younger sister who is 14 and going to be the "Junior maid of honor."  My 7 year old nephew, the junior bestman is going to push her down the aisle in her wheelchair.  Another one of my bridesmaids is my fiance’s cousin.
I definitely think it should ultimately be your fiance’s decision, but I personally think you should consider it.  My fiance’s sister used to get along really badly with both me and my fiance.  However, as she got older and more mature things got a lot better.  I know a lot of things changed when I made an effort to be really nice to her and do stuff with her without my fiance.  Maybe asking her to be a bridesmaid would mean a lot to her and change the way she is with you. 
Just my two cents.

Post # 13
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

My fiance’s sister is going to read at our wedding. I asked him if he wanted me to have her as a bridesmaid and he said no. So I made her a card inviting her to be a part of the wedding, just like I did with my bridesmaids, but instead asked her to read. She was thrilled and was apparently showing everyone the card.

 You could also make her a personal attendant-type. Make her in charge of coordinating everything and making sure everything is ready to go, although if she doesn’t have a good attitude, that’s not probably going to help it. 

 

Good luck! 

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