(Closed) Should I ask life-long friend to be a bridesmaid?

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I ask her to be a bridesmaid?
    Yes : (16 votes)
    70 %
    No : (7 votes)
    30 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    108 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2019

    Personally, I think you should ask her. It’s normal for friends to temporarily disappear after they have a baby. Even if things never go back to how they were, it’s likely she’ll be more present in your life when her child is a little older. Also, if you eventually have a baby, you might reconnect in a new kind of friendship. I’d cut her some slack, but ask in a way that gives her an out if she feels too busy. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    11965 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    Your friend is in an entirely different stage of life than you right now. Priorities change as do the demands on her time. That doesn’t mean the two of you can’t still be friends, but for right now that very well might mean you have to make more of the effort or that contact is not quite as frequent as you were used to. 

    It was very nice of her to come to your engagement party, which by the way is not traditionally a gift giving occasion at all. Her presence should have been more than enough to convey her sentiments. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    640 posts
    Busy bee

    Ask but don’t have high expectations of her. I only have two bridesmaids but one also has an infant and is learning how to navigate life as a new mom. That may take some time. I’m literally not expecting more from her other than buying a $60 dress and showing up the day of. But I make sure to invite/include her in everything so she knows she’s still important to me. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    You should ask her. An engagement party is not a gift giving event so it is of no consequence that she didn’t get you a gift. It sounds like your relationship is still of the same quality she is just less able to get together as often. She just had a baby that started with complications, which may mean that the baby needs more care than even a “regular?” baby. I would be understanding in this stage. If when the child is older she is not making an equal effort to see you then you should reevaluate then. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    353 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2019

    Go with your gut. That’s what I did. Two of the women in my bridal party were good childhood friends, even though we’re not very close now. Life happens Their excitement and ongoing support confirmed I made the right decision. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    Personally, I wouldn’t. It doesn’t seem like she’s even interested in making time for you or even bothering to reach out at all now that she has a child. It happens, people come in and out of her your life and it sucks when it’s a long time friendship that ends, but if it were me, I’d ask another friend or skip having a wedding party entirely. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: March 2018

    Go for it! I’m sure she would be very pleased to be one

    Post # 9
    Member
    900 posts
    Busy bee

    I would not. IMO, so much of the bridesmaid drama and frustration is because brides choose women because they want to use their wedding as an occasion to “fix” a relationship rather than surrounding themselves with the women they are closest to currently. Your wedding is not the time to reconnect with a friend whose become distant or become friends with a a future SIL you don’t know or whatever.

    Decisions made out of guilt (what will she think if I don’t ask?) instead of confidence are rarely good decisions. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    1372 posts
    Bumble bee

    It sounds like the only reason you’d ask her to be a bridesmaid is out of obligation, which probably isn’t good. Secondly, if you DO ask her and she isn’t able to help with much or isn’t very responsive to planning, I suspect you’ll be that much more upset with her than you are right now. Asking her, then, could further drive a wedge between you. 

    I don’t necessarily think she “deserves” to be left out of your bridal party, given that I don’t really think she’s done anything wrong. In fact, she probably DOES deserve to be a bridesmaid. BUT. It doesn’t sound like you’re in a good place to look past your expectations of her and really let your friendship settle into something new and not-as-close. So if you ask her and she doesn’t step up, you’ll be that much more disappointed. Sounds like asking her in your present state of mind is a recipe for disaster. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    488 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

    I was in a somewhat similar situation. My friend “disappeared” for a year, then came back into my life before I got engaged. I did not ask her to be my bridesmaid because she already had so much on her plate. I had a frank conversation with her, telling her that I value her friendship and appreciate her support but did not ask her because I know she has other commitments.

    On my wedding day she rose to the occasion when I had a teeny tiny mishap. Your friend will support you, whether or not she is in your bridal party.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1108 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    lilypond1310 :  Except that a card is something you expect at a gift giving event. Did she not congratulate you at any point? You say you weren’t expecting a card from anyone else, but you were from her. If she doesn’t get you anything at the wedding then we can talk. 

    The topic ‘Should I ask life-long friend to be a bridesmaid?’ is closed to new replies.

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