(Closed) Should I ask my BM to step down?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should I ask my BM to step down?
    Yes - why should she be a BM at my wedding when I wasn't invited to her ceremony? : (2 votes)
    10 %
    No - it doesn't matter that you weren't invited : (18 votes)
    90 %
  • Post # 3
    682 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If you asked her initially, I think it’s impolite to ask her to step down because you’ve started stewing over the ceremony thing (though that is very strange- was there a limited number of spots there or something??)  I was debating whether or not to have my older sister (who was my MOH) step down because she had/has a lot going on with her impending divorce/she’s gotten super nasty to my family but she texted me about a refund for her dress before I had the chance to make a decision.  If your Bridesmaid or Best Man will be overwhelmed because of her pregnancy, I’m sure she’ll let you know-  You could mention that if it is too much for her you won’t be hurt but  other than that I would not personally ask her to step down, as it could seriously impact the future of your friendship.  Good luck!

    Post # 4
    9674 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    Asking her to step down because you are upset you weren’t invited to the ceremony is very rude. Just let her know that if it gets too much with the wedding and the pregnancy you will understand if she decides to step down. BUT do not ask her to step down, let her make the decision.

    Post # 8
    682 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Correct-  right now my sister and I don’t have a relationship :-/  A lot of non-wedding related insanity went on the past few months and she’s basically lost her mind so my wedding and our relationship is beyond the lowest of her priorities.  She still lets me see my niece and nephews so I’m content but bummed she is crazy.  Hoping she’ll figure herself out by May as I haven’t done anything with her dress and she is still listed on my wedding website as a bridesmaid.  We’ll see.  If not, she’ll regret it the rest of her life- I’ll be sad but won’t let her ruin my day. 

    Post # 9
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    This is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt. I think too many people are using weddings as some kind of barometer of love, friendship, sisterhood, etc. People are losing best friends because they’re not meeting their standards of excitement, even for weddings 2 or 3 years out. People are falling out with their sisters because they won’t attend every single wedding event, in every state. People are writing off family because they gave one gift but it should have been 3 or 4 gifts. I think we’re losing perspective.

    You said that you lost touch and just got back together recently. I’m guessing they wanted a small, intimate ceremony with just their nearest and dearest. You might not have been a nearest at that point but you may be now. Friendships expand and contract over the years – sometime you’re close as sisters, other times you’re close as work colleagues.

    Your friend wanted you with her to celebrate your marriage, which you did. I would be glad I was there for her then and that she’s there for me now.

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