(Closed) Should I ask my brother to be an usher?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Should I ask my brother to be an usher?

    Yes, this is a good way to include him

    No, this is rude

    Other - Please elaborate

  • Post # 3
    471 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Your Fiance seems really controlling on this issue and unable to bend.  The person in question is your brother for Christ’s sake!  He’s over 18, so he’ll be able to fit in fine with the rest of the wedding party.  

    Honestly, I think that because he’s doing you such a big favor with the hair, you need to put him in a position of honor.  He’s helping you and supporting you on your wedding day like any loving sibling, so treat him as such.

    Put your foot down and make him a bridesmaid.  Your Fiance says that he wants to be able to choose his groomsmen?  That’s completely fair and well within his rights.  So choose your own bridesmaids, and put your brother up there where he belongs!

    *I am having one female and two male bridesmaids. (Maybe even a third man if we expand our party like we’re talking about).  Our photographer is excited and thinks the pictures will turn out great, and I’m excited to include the people I love most, regardless of gender.  

    Post # 4
    539 posts
    Busy bee

    I think if your Fiance picks who he wants to stand up for him, then you should pick who you want to stand up for you. Include your brother as a bridesman…will mean the world to him, and you will look back and be so thankful you included him where he deserves to be…by your side.

    Post # 5
    2963 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i think having him be an usher is fine, but i also think you should ask him to be a bridesman if that’s what you really want. your fiance said he wanted to choose his own groomsmen, so you should be able to choose whoever you want too. it’s only fair.

    Post # 6
    2562 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    No one wants to be an usher, people can find their own seats.  If you want your brother to be your bridesman than do it, your Fiance gets to pick who stand with him and you get to pick who stands with you.  So if you want your bother to stand up with you and your sisters than ask him.

    Post # 7
    7641 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @BriansBride:  While I see everyone’s point of asking him to be bridesman, and I would too, you don’t want to put too much pressure on him to be an usher, but being a brdiesman has its responsibilities too. I would ask HIM if he’d feel comfortable. If you want him a bridesman or usher, ask him if he would like but tell him you will understand if he just wants to do your hair becuase you understand it may be too much for him take on.

    Post # 8
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I’m having one brother walk my mom down the aisle & the other will walk my grandmother. Plus they will be in pictures.

    I get it, my Fiance didn’t want bridesmen either.

    Post # 9
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I would rather do a reading than be an usher.  It’s a throwaway job.  Honestly, I think your Fiance should include him in his wedding party.  It’s crappy that your entire family has a role except for him, besides doing your hair for free.

    Post # 10
    970 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

    @BriansBride:  My brother is my man of honour. He is my best friend and if FH had a problem with it that would have just been tough because there is no way he isn’t in the bridal party. How would he feel if you said “Oh you want so-and-so in your bridal party? Can’t he just be a guest?” An usher is more of a job and he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the whole wedding if he was worried about getting everyone seated. Are you doing any readings? I like the idea of them walking mother/grandmother down the aisle though. 

    Post # 11
    1834 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor

    @BriansBride:  I think weddings are all about family. I was only married a year ago and I’m already starting to lose touch with 2 of my 6 bridesmaids. (Of the other 4, 2 are my best friends from college who I talk to every week, and 2 are my SILs.) I think you should keep pressing your Fiance to include your brother in your wedding – he’s your living blood relative after all! It doesn’t matter if your Fiance is that close with him, is he important to you? If you and your brother are close, then including him in your wedding could provide a chance for him and your Fiance to get closer. I mean, they’re going to be brother-in-laws for the rest of your life, so it’s time for them to start to get to know each other, right? I bet it would mean a whole lot to him to be included as a groomsman. My SILs were super excited to be BMs, just like my little brother was very excited to be a Groomsmen (even though he and my DH aren’t best friends or anything like that – they are brothers now though!).

    If your Fiance continues to be stubborn on the issue, you can ask your brother to be a bridesman – if your Fiance is so insistent that he get to pick his own groomsmen, that means you get to pick your own bridesmaids/bridesmen.  Do what your gut tells you to do. But definitely find a way to include your brother, whether it’s as an usher or bridesman. I think you would end up regretting it if you couldn’t include him.

    Post # 12
    841 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @BriansBride:  Being an usher doesn’t seem that fun. Also, if my Fiance said my brother couldn’t be in my own wedding party, I’d be like sorry but he’s my brother (my brother is actually being one of my FI’s groomsmen, and they’re not especially close – they hang out when we go visit my parents but they never call each other up or anything). The point is he’s going to be part of your FI’s family soon so it’s weird he’s so insistent on him not being in the wedding party.

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