Should I ask my brother's girlfriend to be my bridesmaid?

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2236 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it would be a nice gesture to ask her, especially if you’re sure she’s going to end up being your sister in law someday. I agree that for someone shy, being a bridesmaid might not be an ideal situation, particularly when she’s not close to the bride, but your brother seems to think she would love it and he would know better I guess.

Post # 3
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

I wouldn’t personally. You don’t seem to have a relationship with her independent of your brother, and you don’t seem to be close (yet!). Also, she’s only 18. It’s one thing to say you want to marry your SO at 18, it’s quite another to do it. How positive are you that she will be your SIL someday? Personally, I think it’s a mistake to ask SOs of siblings if they aren’t engaged or married, but that’s just me! FWIW I thought about asking my BIL’s gf and ended up not doing it. Too many people said to me “what if they break up,” and it made me think “hey, yeah…wtf would I do if they broke up.” Lol. oh well, just my two cents! 

Post # 4
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

You don’t really know her and it doesn’t sound like you actually want her to be your bridesmaid, so, no, I don’t think you should ask her to be one.

I don’t think you should go out of your way to include her. I see that as forcing something that could be natural and far more relaxed. Her being your bridesmaid could lead to friction since neither of you knows the other. You don’t want to find out she’s a diffcult person under these circumstances where money, time, and deadlines are a part of the job. 

Take photos with her on the day and hang out with her during the reception. Ask her if she’d like to be in the room with you as you get ready, if you want to. You could invite her to your bachelorette party, too.

Post # 5
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I wouldn’t ask anyone to be in our bridal party who I didn’t really want to be there.  Being family, or dating family, doesn’t automatically mean people should be included.  Its YOUR wedding, the bridesmaids should be YOUR friends or their kids.  And if you don’t know this girl that well after 4 years then she’s not a friend. 

Post # 6
Member
3309 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I wouldn’t but I would include her in all the wedding related actives I could. 

Post # 7
Member
579 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t ask her

Post # 9
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I wouldn’t. I almost asked my brothers girlfriend, she’s lovely and we get on really well and they’ve been together longer than I have with my fiance. Glad I didn’t as they’re now on the verge on breaking up. You can’t be sure she will be your sister in law, it might be that in 15 years time you’re looking back on photos that include your brother’s ex and you’re struggling to remember her name.

Post # 11
Hostess
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I wouldn’t do it.

 

Post # 12
Member
3393 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I would say no, I wouldn’t ask someone to be a bridesmaid that I am not actually close with. You should choose people to be in your wedding party who you have an open and intimate relationship with, that will be capable of supporting you through the stress of planning, and who will take care to make sure you don’t end up feeling overwhelmed, particularly day of. It doesn’t sound like she would be able to fulfill those duties, nor does it sound like she is someone you are close enough with to lean on for advice, support, etc. The whole thing seems superficial and meaningless. It’s nice of you to want to make her feel included and to want to put an effort into getting to know her better, but I don’t think that asking her to be a bridesmaid is the way to do it. Maybe just tell her you want to start getting to know each other better, since they are getting much more serious.. go on girl dates and spend some time together. 

Post # 13
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee

I wouldn’t, because you don’t have a close relationship with her.  

And as others have pointed out, on the off chance that they break up, she’ll be all over your wedding photos.

Post # 14
Hostess
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

As a for instance my friend got married and asked her brother’s fiancée to be in the wedding party.

The fiancée cheated before they got married, now the ex fiancée is in all their wedding pics.

You just never know.

Post # 15
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I think there are better ways to develop a friendship with this girl, I would not invite her to be in the bridal party.

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