(Closed) Should I ask my fiance to include my BIL as a groomsmen?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
4528 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’d let things stand the way they are. Surely your FI realizes that the sides are uneven, and it seems he hasn’t decided to ask more people. I personally would not want to feel obligated to include my fiance’s sibling’s spouse in my wedding.

Post # 3
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Why not just talk to you FI about it and see how he feels? My best friend is a man and is one of our ushers but we spoke about it and made the choice together 🙂

Post # 5
8159 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

your FI should only have people on his side that he wants. 

if you want your BIL to be there, have him on your side. i know the numbers are already uneven, and you are not required to have everyone.


Post # 6
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Just because my FI is in the room (even participating) conversations can go right over his head! Lol I can’t just assume he’ll know; your FI may not have twigged either. We’re all guilty of missing hints sometimes 

Post # 7
9556 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

If your fiance was there when your sister proposed that he could be a groomsman, then I’d assume he knows and isn’t interested if he hasn’t brought it up. So I wouldn’t try to cajole him into inviting your BIL. I agree that it really should be that person’s decision who is standing on their side.

That being said, if you want your BIL to be in the wedding, you can definitely ask him to be on your side! I had 3 bridesmaids and 2 bridesmen and it worked out great! 5 on your side and two on his is a little lopsided, but I don’t think it would be a problem!

Post # 9
415 posts
Helper bee

Honestly, you have zero say in who your FI chooses to stand on his side.  Why in the world would he ask someone he isn’t close to, anyways?  If you want to, you can ask your BIL to be a bridesman.

Post # 11
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

smilestorm:  I feel that you get to pick who stands beside you, and he gets to pick who stands beside him. You shouldn’t choose that for him. As for uneven numbers, thats no problem. Each man can link arms with one lady on each side, and problem solved.

BIL isn’t his bff… he’s yours. I would just respectfully say to him “I don’t feel comfortable telling FI who will stand beside him. That is his choice. I would be more than thrilled to have you as an usher, though!”

Post # 12
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

It’s good that you’re leaving it as it is. Your FI only needs to have the ppl closest to him as groomsmen. And this isn’t your brother, but your brother in law. Best just to leave it alone. I might consider having my FI’s sibling as a bridesmaid, but I’d never consider having his sister in law if she wasn’t a very good friend of mine. 

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