Post # 1
My wedding is in October. My venue has a “coordinator” to greet and direct vendors, and they are present the entire event in case any problems arise. However, they do not do things like direct guests and help the wedding party time their walking down the aisle. I’m a little worried it may not go smoothly if we don’t have someone there to help direct things.
I’m thinking of asking my friend to help with these few tasks. She is a newer friend so not in the wedding party but is really excited about the wedding and has volunteered to come to cake tastings and things with me. She is also super organized!
Do you think I should ask her? I don’t think she would mind at all, but am afraid that she would feel she had to say yes even if she did not want to do it.
Day-of coordinators here are like 1k dollars a day, and really I don’t need someone to help with those few things and not all of the other things a coordinator would do. It’s not in the budget, anyway.
Feelings on this??
Post # 3
@hollyberry4: I’m having a (newer) friend do my DOC too. She is also super organized and runs all of the events for our church. She used to do wedding photography and knows all of the ins and outs of the wedding world and she offered to help me with anything I might need. I felt super awkward asking her to be the DOC after she just offered ‘help’, but she seems to be really into it and super excited for us. I plan on gifting her around $200 for helping me. I think you should go ahead and ask your friend, just be upfront about it and make sure you are both on the same page as far as your expectations go. You’ll be able to tell if she is uncomfortable with anything.
Post # 4
@hollyberry4: If you’ve got someone handling the vendors, then I don’t think you need a DOC. You should have ushers directing people where to sit. And as for walking down the aisle, that should all be sorted out during the rehearsal.
Post # 5
If everything goes according to plan there should be no problem, but, if something doesn’t go quite right are you willing to let it go? If not, it could ruin your friendship. Hopefully not, but hurt feelings and recriminations can happen on emotional days when things don’t go according to vision.
Post # 6
@Weetzie: Thanks! Very helpful!
@paula1248: Sorry I should have given a little more background… the ceremony is outside at a winery down a hill. We are not having ushers and people can sit whereever they want. For the aisle we will be walking from inside the building, down the small hill to the aisle and down the aisle, so it’s pretty long. I’m nervous about the timing! Having someone cuing the DJ when to start playing the songs and telling us when to start walking would make me fel more at ease. Also, directing guests in the direction of the ceremony set up and the cocktail hour area after the ceremony would be helpful, too. I think those are the extent of the “responsibilities”.
Post # 7
@fascinated: Yeah it would be fine… I’m pretty laid back. I know she would do a better job than me on my own! More than anything it would be nice so I wouldn’t have to stress about it…. I don’t want to be thinking about timing when I’m about to walk down the aisle! Even if she tells me the wrong time I probably wouldn’t even notice haha!
Post # 8
Eh, I don’t know. I didn’t realize how much a DOC actually does until I got married. Unless your friend has done this before, it would be a huge responsibility for her to take on. My DOC was running around nonstop for 6 hours, relaying messages between vendors, taking care of minor things that went wrong, making sure we were sticking to the timeline, and a million other things I probably didn’t notice.
She also spent a lot of time before the wedding reaching out to all of our vendors to put together a timeline and make sure everyone was on the same page.
We had a small mishap where we assigned too many people to one table. Could have been so much worse, but she realized it before it became a problem and had it taken care of in 10 minutes.
I guess my main point is that DOC charge $1k because they work their butts off and that’s what they’re worth. I would hate to have to take on that responsibility for a friend’s wedding unless I had done it before.
Post # 9
Congratulations on your wedding? I wouldn’t hurt to have her your friend (DOC) take part. She can help make sure are going the way you would like thing to go. My sister had the same set-up, so me being an event planner I had to step in because the coordinators at the venue missed some key things that needed to be done. I called all the vendors to make sure that they knew what time to be at the venue and confirm with them the address and gave them my phone number just in case. Having your friend will help because she know what you like and don’t like and can help keep things on schedule.
Post # 10
@hollyberry4: YES! i did. i have a “little sister friend” helping on the day of. i have a small wedding party so i didn’t ask any friends, only my biological sisters. i also have a newer friend that just great and, like you said, super excited about me getting married. she was thrilled to accept. she has offering to help with so much — even took a big role along with my sisters in planning (and paying for) my bridal shower. i said “i feel like you need an official title of some sort. would you mind being the day-of coordinator? we will need help making sure everything is set with the venue that morning. i’m sure she’ll do a great job.
Post # 11
Please don’t interpret this as snarky, as I don’t mean it to be:
I did it for a cousin who I was super close with. We haven’t spoken since. The main thing is to not take advantage, which is easy to do when you are caught up in the moment. Also, be CLEAR that she will be working on your wedding day. My cousin was not clear with me and I felt used, hurt and completely flabbergasted the weekend of the wedding.
Personally, there’s a difference between being excited for someone, and doing $1000 work of work on their wedding day for free. I’d personally feel like I was being taken advantage of even if that’s not what the bride’s intention was. My cousin had no idea of how hard I had worked until I listed it out for her.
Most DOCs run $1k in the bay Area but I have found a girl on CL who is looking to move from corporate events into weddings and we’re getting her for $400 for the day in return for me giving her decor images and me getting 10 corporate character references. Maybe consider that option?
Post # 12
I think what you’re asking for isn’t really a “DOC”. If you truely just want her to point people in the right direction & time the walk down the aisle, she’s basically a female usher. You could ask her to do that, it doesn’t seem like much work at all. You’d just be asking her to show up early, look decent and know where to go.
If you need more DOC help (like setting up/tearing down, making sure dinner runs smoothly, handing out tips at the end of the night, keeping an eye on the gifts, dealing with any emergencies that arise, keeping the photographers on track, etc etc) then I wouldn’t ask one friend to do it. The person doing that will not be able to enjoy the wedding at all. They will be “working” the entire day and it is, IMO, way too much to ask. If you were still going to, I might mention what you want a DOC for and lament the fact that you can’t afford one. If she is willing to do such a thing, she’ll offer.
Post # 13
@MrsHRC: I don’t take it as snarky at all! That’s exactly what I DON’T want to happen, which is why it’s good to hear different perspectives! Please read below and give feedback:
I guess I might be misleading people by calling her a “DOC”. The only “jobs” she would have are:
1. pointing guests in the right direction for seating
2. helping tell the bridal party and me when to start walking down the aisle with the music
3. possibly directing guests to the cocktail area after the ceremony (or I could probably just have the officiant announce this after the processional)
She would not have to do anything with vendors or during the reception. There is a “coordinator” from the venue on staff during the entire even to deal with vendors questions. Any other questions would be directed toward my mom or MOG.
If those had been your responsibilities, would you have thought them unreasonable?
Post # 14
@MexiPino: Thanks! Yes, I don’t want any of my guests doing those things. I want her to be able to enjoy the reception! I just want some help during the ceremony to help the flow of it and to get rid of some of the stress!
Post # 15
@hollyberry4: I would not think of them as over the top at all! I think that’s more an usher than a DOC, for sure, and I’d be totally cool with that.
I was setting up decor, directing vendors, dealing with last minute issues, gluing lace to votive holders, stringing up lanterns, on chairs turning on lantern LEDs fifteen minutes before the wedding, setting up a rain contingency (my own invention as they hadn’t thought of it) including hanging umbrellas and led tealights in jars from the rafters. it was frigging stunning, if I do say so myself, but it ruined our relationship because a. they didn’t life a finger for ‘theri’d diy event b. they let my mother with lupus who was looking forward to this special weekend with a favourite neice be a slave for 3 days and c. they never said thanks until an impersonal card six months later. Meanwhile I got demonised for being a bitch on the day. So yeah, don’t do the above, and you’re in the clear 😉
Post # 16
@MrsHRC: wow. That sounds AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy! (well… maybe on my worst enemy,..)