Post # 1
Here’s the issue: I currently have 3 of my best friends who are going to be my bridesmaids. Us 4 are all super close and we all live together, so I always pictured just them 3 as my bridal party. My fiance though, has one sister, who will be 17 at the time that I am getting married. We get along just fine, she is very nice, but we are not extremely close, as I don’t see her often (we live in different states).
I would like to ask her to be part of my bridal party, but I’m afraid she’ll feel left out a lot, since the other 3 girls are so close to me, and she is younger than us and won’t have as much in common with us. Since she lives in a different state and is so much younger, she probably wouldn’t even make the engagement party, bridal shower, bacholerette party, or anything except for the wedding itself. I just picture us all getting ready together on the big day and she might feel left out of conversation, and just not as close to us.
Should I ask her to be a bridesmaid anyway? Would it be rude not to?
P.S. I have no maid-of-honor, because those 3 girls I am equally close to and since we all live together I feel it would be weird to choose one of them as my Maid/Matron of Honor over the others. Since they plan everything together anyway, I felt there was no need to give one of them that title over the others.
Post # 2
How does your Fiance feel about this? I know that everyone says that the bride should choose her ‘maids and the groom should choose his ‘men, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the couple consulting each other on their choices. In fact, my Fiance and I picked our whole bridal party together – all of our ‘maids and ‘men are fairly close with both of us. If your Fiance would really like his sister to be a part of the bridal party, then yes I think you should ask her to be a bridesmaid. If he’s indifferent or doesn’t mind her being involved in some other way, then perhaps you could ask her to do a reading during the ceremony or something similar.
Post # 3
No, she doesn’t need to be a bridesmaid. Ask her to do something else (a reading, etc) but I really don’t think your fiances teenage sister needs to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.
Post # 4
My Mother in law was a 16 year old bridesmaid, when her 21 year old brother got married. She got drunk on champagne.
My sister in law was 25, when we were married. I asked her to be a greeter/guest book attendant and hand out programs. They got there late and she ended up not doing it.
Post # 5
My vote is to ask her. I’ve been to plenty of weddings where the bridal party were spread out all over the US and were not able to attend many or any of the pre-wedding events. Those things are optional and not a requirement of the wedding party in any case.
What’s important is the honor and its sentiment. My thought is, she will likely be in your life forever, so why not start out on an inclusive note? It’s not an obligation, but it would be a really nice gesture, and could even bring you that much closer.
In case you are thinking this way, there’s no need for the sides to match, either.
Post # 6
How does your Fiance feel about it?
Post # 7
I wouldnt make her a bridesmaid but I also wouldn’t explain the situation to her as I think that would be very awkward and not needed. Do you think she is expecting to be a bridesmaid? She may not have any interest in it and may prefer to enjoy the day as a guest, without any duties or concerns.
Post # 8
I asked my SIL, I was 28 and she was probably 24. She was awesome, and we’ve gotten really close since then. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding last year. I had all of my best friends, huge bridal party. I’m super glad I did. My only regret, is I didn’t ask my DH’s brother’s wife.
Post # 9
You said “we get along just fine, she is very nice, but we are not extremely close.” I honestly would not ask someone to be a bridesmaid if I was not close to the person – even if they are future family! Don’t tell her she’s not going to be a bridesmaid, but maybe find some other way for her to be involved if you’d like (handing out programs, reading Scripture if it’s a church wedding, etc.)
Post # 10
cdsteggs: thanks for all the replies. My fiancé is fairly indifferent on the matter. I’m hoping maybe he can try to figure out how much his sister cares about being a bridesmaid. If she has any desire to be one, I would feel guilty not offering that to her.
Post # 11
cdsteggs: Fwiw, I was in a similar position when my older brother got married and I really appreciated being included. I do not think that I was invited to the bachelorette stuff, as it was a very similar situaiton, we lived far apart, and I would have felt out of place anyway. But it was nice to be included and a good start to the relationship.
Post # 12
All of my bridal party lived in different cities/states, and didn’t know each other well or at all prior to the wedding, and we all still had a very fun day! I generally err on the side of including family, because a wedding to me is a symbol of families uniting as well, and it would be a good indication to her that you acknowledge her as a new sister and want her to be there to celebrate with you.
Post # 13
I would include her. You may not be close to her now but she will be your sister in law and in your life now, what a better way to start off the new relationship.
Post # 14
I think it would be nice to include her as a junior bridesmaid. She’s too young to do most of the bridesmaid stuff, but she could wear a coordinating dress, be in photos, process, etc. Years later, when you have an adult relationship with her, I think you would be glad you included her.
That said, my answer would be different if she was a brat and you didn’t get along.
Post # 15
My fiancée’s sister is his best woman. Can she not be in his group since she’s his sister? Otherwise, peridot456 has a great idea.