Post # 1
Member
31 posts
Newbee
I have a half sister who I am not very close with. We grew up in separate households hours apart and basically only saw her a few times a year. We are ten years apart, and she will be 17 at the time of the wedding. She is extremely shy and hates any attention on her. She complains any time she has a picture taken of her and usually just doesn’t smile or makes a very awkward smile. She is socially a little immature for her age.
I’m very conflicted on whether or not I should ask her to be a bridesmaid. On one hand I feel like she won’t be able to handle walking down the aisle with one of the groomsmen, taking lots of pictures with the bridal party (my FH is very concerned about this), being on the bus with the bridal party without my stepmom, and making an entrance at the reception in front of everyone. She would hate all of that and I honeslty don’t even know if she would do some of it. Also, not to sound selfish, but I dodn’t want to have to be babysitting her making sure she’s okay the whole time on my wedding day. But on the other hand my stepmom did make a comment to me about asking her and that she wants to be included in the wedding. My stepmom is very outgoing and sometimes pushes my sister into doing things that make her uncomfortable to help her come out of her shell. I don’t know if this is really coming from my sister or just my stepmom just wanting her to do it. If my sister she actually does want to be a bridesmaid I don’t want to upset her and hurt her feelings. She is still family even if we aren’t super close and I don’t want it to put a strain on my sister and my’s relationship or my stepmom and my relationship.
What should I do?
Post # 2
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
I’d ask her what she’d like. Make sure she feels wanted and important but let her know you’re leaving it up to her.
Post # 3
Member
6774 posts
Busy Beekeeper
bride2bee2020 : As suggested above, you can get her actual opinion about it without her mother around to step on her toes. However I am of the opinion that if you are not close to someone, they shouldn’t be in your bridal party. Personally I would leave her out and find some other way to acknowledge her that day, like giving her a small posy as a guest (like corsage for mom but not so matronly).
Post # 4
Member
3091 posts
Sugar bee
bride2bee2020 : I would talk to her and ask her what she would like to do.
If you genuinely want her to “I would love to have you as a bridesmaid, but i dont want you to feel pressured or uncomfortable. As a bridesmaid, you would do XYZ – would you be OK with standing up for me? “
If you are unsure about having her, is there another way to include her in the day ? A reading? Could she walk down with your step mom (if you guys are doing that?), be there getting ready with you guys?
Post # 5
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2020 - Summer Camp!
I would say give her a role that’s more behind-the-scenes so she’d be more comfortable. Maybe an usher or something?
Post # 6
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
Include her some other way. Sounds like neither of you will actually enjoy her being a bridesmaid. Could she do a reading?
Post # 7
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
I’d ask her her actual opinion. I’d make it clear that if she does want to be a bm that’s great, but in no way should she feel obligated. Honestly I’d rather have been a guest than a bm at my own sister’s wedding but I couldn’t say no. I know a lot of people consider it to be an honor to be in a wedding party but I’m not a fan and I had so much going on in my life at that time including an out of state move literally a couple days after the wedding. Which was out of town for me as well. Okay that was a tangent but anyway yeah I’d just see what she wants to do.
Post # 8
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
If you’re not close to her, surely that’s a no in itself? I’m sure there are other ways to include her that are a bit more low key.
But if you want to factor in all your concerns about her coping with the day, you should ASK her if she WANTS to be a bridesmaid. Let her decide rather than you deciding for her what she will and won’t enjoy doing.
I was a bridesmaid for my friend last year and she didn’t tell me I was a bridesmaid, she asked me if I wanted to be one. She acknowledged that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and was very sincerely asking me if it was something I would like to do. This is one of the reasons I don’t like these elaborate bridesmaids proposals with gifts and fancy days out etc…I think it makes people feel like they are being told it’s their role, rather than allowing them to actually say no to the request if they want to. Some people prefer to be a guest and to onlook, rather than being a part of the action. This sounds like it might be your sister, but ultimately, she should be allowed to have a say on the matter in my opinion.
Post # 9
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
Ask her, given her the option to say no and tell her the expectations .
Post # 10
Member
15 posts
Newbee
- Wedding: November 2020 - City, State
I agree with the bees that say to ask her. I’m having my sister as a bridesmaid in my wedding and she will be 16 by the time I get married. Since she is young and might not be comfortable all the time with the rest of my very outgoing bridesmaids, I’m making sure to have several conversations with her across the process to make sure she’s okay with everything. I’m also giving her the option to opt out of any bridesmaid events (apart from the big day) if she would prefer.
I think asking your half-sister if she would even like to be a bridesmaid is a good first step. It shows you care about her, but it gives her an option to not be involved if she doesn’t want to. No hurt feelings that way.
Post # 11
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
I would include her in a more low key way like reader or greeter.
Post # 12
Member
4784 posts
Honey bee
I would talk to her and ask her how she would feel about being a bridesmaid. Explain what she would need to be able to do, like having photos taken and walking down the aisle with a partner, and standing during the ceremony. Tell her that you would like to include her in this way, but not if it makes her uncomfortable.
She sounds kind of immature and it would be good for her to stretch herself a bit. Presumably she’s going to college next year, it’s time to toughen up a bit. I was in a wedding at 16 and it was awesome because it was a chance to dress up, like the prom or the cotillion, which were my only opportunities to wear a long fancy dress. You could talk about how nice she’s going to look and that might encourage her to look forward to the weddding.
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