(Closed) Should I ask someone to be in my wedding just because I was in theirs?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

No. Being a bridesmaid is not a thing you have to be even-stevens on. No matter what happened in high school, that was probably awhile ago.

Post # 4
572 posts
Busy bee

If it makes you uncomfortable to have her in your wedding then dont do it. If she asks what’s up just say that you and your Fiance have decided to have a small-ish wedding party. Its your day!

Post # 5
627 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

one of my favorite things i read somewhere, regarding bridesmaids, was this:


…meaning that you are not required to put someone in your wedding just because you were in theirs.  i was in two weddings in years past and am not having either of those girls in mine.

don’t feel forced.  don’t feel guilty.  it’s YOUR day.  make sure you surround yourself with the wedding party that makes sense for YOU.

good luck!



Post # 6
457 posts
Helper bee

NO WAY!!!! just because your in her wedding doesn’t mean that she should be in yours, and just becasue she asked you to be a b/m in her wedding doesn’t mean she should EXPECT to be in yours!!!!! Think about it she will be in ALL your pics, do you want someone to be in all your wedding pics that you no longer talk to anymore? I had a friend who did this and now this girl is in all her wedding pics and they aren’t even friends anymore… she regrets it badly!!!!! Just tell her sorry that you have friends that you;ve known longer, or that you’ve grown closer to. Thats whats happening to me. I had to pick and choose over some of my friends, so i choose the girls that are my closest friends and the friends i know i’ll keep in touch with forever!!!!! I would never put someone in my wedding if we were just ” so so ” friends, you have the girls standing next to you that will be your friends forever!!

Post # 7
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

no, after being in a few weddings and after I was done with mine, I told my friends no more wedding party for me. I will help out as much as possible but being a wedding party, no thanks! but ya I don’t think you should have to ask her and if she expects it… then she needs a wake up call =p

Post # 9
2066 posts
Buzzing bee

Nope.  Don’t make her a bridesmaid because you feel obligated.  Only ask her to be a bridesmaid if you want her to be a bridesmaid. 

Post # 10
2820 posts
Sugar bee

I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in a girls wedding and didn’t have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she did a reading though. 

It sounds horrible but she got married 4 years before I did and we really didn’t keep in touch much.  It also got back to me while I was shelling out $$ to throw her parties that she told one of the other Bridesmaid or Best Man not to feel bad about not being Maid/Matron of Honor but she just gave me the title because she knew I throw her good parties – sort of flattering, sort of a slap in the face. 

Anyways, I have a slew of sisters (plus there were friends I wanted to include that had talked to me more regularly) so I tried to include her by doing the reading but I didn’t really feel guilty about not having her in the wedding.

Post # 11
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

if you are second guessing it, definitely not! you should only have those you really want to be a part of your wedding party. don’t feel bad about it!

Post # 12
16195 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If she wouldn’t be in your wedding party except for the fact that you were in hers, then my answer is no. It will be an honor for her to be a guest at your wedding; bridesmaids don’t have to be reciprocal. You only want those closest with you to be standing next to you on your day. 🙂

Post # 13
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Welcome to WB!! And no you do not have to have someone in your party just because you were in theres. I have three friends that I decided not to do this with. They are great and all, but I have others that I wanted in the party more.

Post # 14
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I did, and I don’t regret it yet.  She is FI’s best friend/best man’s wife.  She asked me to be in her wedding, and I asked her as well.  I think it would have been awkward, had I not. 

Post # 15
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I was in two wedding last year, and I’m having both girls do readings at mine. I have two sisters, and two really close friends, so I can’t have everyone there!

Post # 16
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

no way.  I would say that you are going to end up regretting it… Bridesmaid or Best Man drama was one of the worst things that happened to me during wedding prep.  GAH.

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