Post # 1
Here’s a little background – In the days after our wedding my best friend mentioned that she was having a gift personalized and it wasn’t ready in time, we should expect it soon. I thought nothing of it and never asked about it. Several months later she mentioned that there was a problem with it and she had to have it redone so it was a bit more delayed than she expected. Again, no problems here and I never mentioned the gift. Well, we are now weeks away from our first anniversary and we’ve never received “the gift.” Should I ask about it?
As a disclaimer, I should say, at this point, I don’t believe there was ever a gift. And at the risk of sounding like a total gift grabby brat I will also admit, I’m pissed about it. Here’s why – I helped plan and pay for her bridal and baby showers as well as her bachelorette. I was in her wedding, flew out to all of these events, purchased gifts for all of these and the baby when she arrived. So, yeah, I think a gift was in order considering the things that have been done for her in the past. And no, I didn’t do any of it with an expected return. But seriously, not even a card? OK, rant over. I had to get that out.
Post # 3
If I were you, I wouldn’t bother…unless you want to hear yet another lie! Sounds to me like this friend just isn’t going to give a gift.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@NJmeetsBX: I wouldn’t ask, like you said there probably wasn’t ever a gift. Maybe she was waiting for her finances to improve so she could buy you something and then so much time went by she’s probably hoping you’ve forgotten.
I had a friend say she couldn’t attend my shower but would send the gift with her friend who was coming… yeah that didn’t happen.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t bother asking, as it comes across a little gift grabby… I understand why you are upset, but it sounds like you’ve already guessed there was never a gift.
I would maybe just reconsider the gifts you give her in future, or the stuff you do to help her out!
Post # 6
You did those things out of the kindness of your heart. Did you do them for repayment? Did you do them for future gifts? If you did, then you did them for the wrong reason.
I think you’re acting selfishly if your first thought was, “Well I helped you and you can’t even give me something for it?” You claim this person is your friend — would you drive them to the dentist and demand they repay you for it? Or if you help them plan a birthday party, would you get upset if they didn’t give you something in return?
I think it’s silly to be upset over a gift, hypothetical or not. Just because you helped plan/pay for a bachelorette/any party does not make you entitled to anything.
Do good deeds and good things without expectation or desire for recognition.
Post # 7
It’s less about the gift and more about the blatant dishonesty. That would concern me if a friend (best friend) flat out lied to my face and concocted an ongoing story. It’s weird.
Post # 8
Wow. What a nice friend. I would be so tempted to be like ‘where’s my gift, b!tch??” but the bigger person thing to do is prob just forget it.
However, in the future I would be tempted to tell her that I have an AMAZING b-day gift for her.. and then never give her one…. cause I’m a jerk like that.
Post # 9
@NJmeetsBX: I wouldn’t say anything, you’re not going to get a straight answer anyway. At least you got to vent your frustration here, though. 🙂
Post # 10
I wouldn’t bother. You know how she is. She will probably just lie about things. Unfortunately, not everyone is a generous.
Post # 11
It’s not about the gift. It’s the fact she lied. And I don’t think its wrong to want a little acknowledgement for your wedding after you gave her a lot of acknowledgement for her life events. Life has a lot of give and take. You can only give so much and get nothing in return before you can’t take it anymore. It hurts… Especially from a close friend.
I personally wouldn’t say anything, but I wouldn’t make much of an effort to do much for her in the future.
Post # 12
it’s a little white lie. i’m sure she had the intention of buying you a gift and it kept slipping her mind. I don’t think this is a big deal. in fact, I don’t even think it’s an issue
Post # 13
@mrshollinger: ha! now that’s funny.
@mchitt329: Finances came to mind. But she is always talking about the latest purchases she’s made and the lastest charity gala she’s attended so I don’t think that’s it. But who knows?
Post # 14
@Beezysbreezy: Perfectly stated.
Post # 15
No. Don’t ask. Never ask where the gift is or when it’s coming.