(Closed) Should I assume this guest isn't attending…wedding is in 6 days

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2333 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Assume no. If he comes then usually the caterer has extra food and you can always bump the number up just not back down. Is he the last guest unaccounted for? That’s awesome! Happy wedding week!

Post # 3
Member
30402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
goldenbrown :  Never assume anything. Contact him. Tell him you have given him as much time as you can, but you now have to give final numbers to the caterer so you need a decision. If you don’t make direct contact, tell him that if you don’t hear back from him in 24 hours, you will have to assume he is unable to attend and you will miss him at the wedding.

Post # 4
Member
13967 posts
Honey Beekeeper

If he got your go ahead to let him know after the RSVP date, and you still haven’t heard, then you will need to contact him again now. Tell him that the caterer requires a guarantee of your final numbers this week by X day. You’ll understand if he can’t make it but need to know either way. 

Post # 5
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

You unfortunately have to assume he is coming until you get a no, its just not safe to assume he isn’t coming. You absolutely need to contact him and get a definitive answer from him. You can explain that you need to give a final headcount to the caterer and that if you don’t hear from him by X date, you will assume he is not coming. I’d just phrase it with nicer language ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 6
Member
2704 posts
Sugar bee

Give him a call to ask. At the moment he’s still assumed to be attending as he’s not told you otherwise 

Post # 7
Member
4821 posts
Honey bee

Don’t assume anything unless you gave him a specific deadline the last time you spoke with him.  And at a certain point, it’s not pressuring.  There’s a deadline.  It’s not like you asked him every week from the time you sent the invitation until now.  Just a polite call letting him know your final numbers are due.  If you get his voicemail, give him until noon the day the counts are due.  “Hi, so and so.  My final numbers are due XXXXXXXX.  Please call me back to confirm if you are attending.  If I don’t hear from you by noon on XXXXXXXX I’ll assume you’re not able to attend.  Hope to hear from you soon!”  If you want to reassure him, throw in a polite sentence about how you understand if he isn’t able to attend.  He’s probably feeling conflicted because he wants to, but isn’t sure how risky it may be.

Post # 9
Member
13967 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
goldenbrown :  My guess is that he already knows he’s not coming, but is pretending to still be thinking about it. That way, he doesn’t look like a jerk for not getting back to you before you had to contact him again. I could be wrong, but I’d be surprised. 

Post # 11
Member
5040 posts
Bee Keeper

 

View original reply
goldenbrown :  If you don’t hear from him by the end of the day today, send him a text first thing tomorrow that you’re counting him as a “no” and you perfectly understand why. End of story. 

Post # 12
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
goldenbrown :  Agreed with everyone else — you need to hear from him ASAP. He probably doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, which is fine. However, it’s inconveniencing you. Let him know that you need a response today, and you understand if he can’t make it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I guess you know by now he isn’t coming. He has a bad case of Avoidance. His wife probably said she would never speak to him again if he goes to your wedding, and he feels whipped and doesn’t want to talk about it. 

He also can’t stand to say No to anyone, so he avoids telling you No he isn’t coming. Play a joke on him, 2 weeks after the wedding is over, text him again and ask  if he is coming.

Post # 15
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: The Retreat at Bradley\'s Pond

You have your answer- he isn’t coming! Get over the fact he doesn’t want to disappoint you via text. We had 3 people that were no calls, no shows to the wedding and 1 was a great friend and her husband who lived in town. 8 months later- I never heard why. 

In the weird freak chance that he does decide to make it- don’t worry or freak out. The reality is, someone else is bound to bail in the coming days and the numbers may even out. 

All caterering companies know this. We had our final headcount- I subtracted about 7 people…in the course of 2 weeks about 5 or so dropped out, another 3 dropped the day of and for whatever reason 1 family member brought 2 people with her (it was her husband who was to ill to come- so at least we fed people!). 

 

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