(Closed) Should I attend friend's wedding as Maid of Honor or my grandfather funeral?

posted 3 months ago in Etiquette
Post # 61
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Like I said I would go to the wedding but I think also it depends on the circumstances of their passing. My grandfathers were not young nor was their passing sudden. My grandpa died in his mid 90’s after a battle with cancer that started at 92, and the other passed after 12 years with dementia. Their individual passings wernt unexpected, everyone that wanted to had time to go say goodbye to them before they passed.

Although it’s always hard to say goodbye our families wernt wracked with grief. Everyone was relieved and dare I say happy that my poor grandfathers were no longer in pain and suffering. My grandfather was 6’4″ and 230 lbs in his prime, when he died he was 94 lbs.

Neither of my parents or family needed my support at their funerals, my parents had each other and I didn’t feel that I needed to attend the few hour event. We grieved them long before they physically passed and greived them long after the funeral and talk of them often.

 

 

Post # 62
Member
4315 posts
Honey bee

If my grandchildren turned down a MoH spot to attend my funeral I’d come back and haunt them. 

Go to the wedding.

Post # 63
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

Is there a wake you can go to in the day or two before the funeral? Also, if they were 4 hours apart, I’d spend 1 hour at the funeral and then drive 4 hours to get to the wedding at 8:30 pm. Even if I couldn’t be there for the ceremony, I could at least be there for part of the reception. Is one event closer to you than the other? For example, is the wedding 1 hour north of you and the funeral is 3 hours south?

Post # 64
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2006 - UK

janicemartinez :  100% seeing your grandad off. It’s the last time you will say Goodbye. 

Where as you still have lots of life with your friend to make memories ect.

 

Post # 65
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t think there’s a right answer to this unfortunately. My grandma died in high school and her funeral was 6 hours away (more like 3 and a half to 4 hours on interstate but my mom refuses to take that way and still uses the old backroads way from before the interstate was built) and on the night of my senior prom. It worked out for me that her funeral was in the morning and my prom was in the evening so we left for the funeral at like 3 in the morning and went. Then I got dressed for prom and did my own hair in makeup with the little sun visor mirror while eating gas station food in the car while on the way home from  the funeral. I had to miss out on my grand march and going out to eat in a limo with friends and didn’t get to have my hair or makeup done but still made it to most of prom. I don’t know what I would have done if they were any closer together in time being so far apart. I feel for you and my condolences but I don’t know how to make this work out. The best bet may be to step down from maid of honor and miss getting hair and stuff done done and walking in the wedding then show up to the reception later as a friend and not a bridal party member kind of like what I had to skip to make both

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