Hi again everyone. Just an update about this post.
First, I wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to read my post & give your insights. I was reading your comments during my grandpa’s wake and it helped me decide.
To close this dilemma, I have attended the wedding. This is how I came up with the decision.
1. Yes, the family should be of utmost importance, but every family was defined differently.
I loved my grandfather so much. He supported all the decisions I made, good or bad. I wanted to choose his funeral over my friend’s wedding. I wanted to honor him. But as one of you said, “The best time to honor our loved ones is while they are living.” So I can only honor his memory at that moment. (Which I can always do days, weeks, months and years after the funeral). As many of you also said, “Funerals are for the living, not the dead”. I should be there for my family at their time of greaving. But I wasn’t particularly close with my dad (whose father passed away) since my parents got separated when I was 6 years old. I then lived with several of my aunts & uncle when I was younger, before I finally lived with my mom. To make it short, I was primarily considering my relatives more than my immediate family for the decision. So I leaned towards going to my friend’s wedding. If I would be considering an immediate family, I may have decided otherwise.
2. Choosing a decision that gave me peace defined my final call.
As maid of honor, I felt like I have already disappointed the bride, for not being able to hold a bridal shower for her due to some work emergencies. I tried to reset the date for the Bridal shower but most of the attendees were not available too, so instead of a bridal party, we simply had coffee with the other one person who could make it. Even if she had another party hosted by her sister & family, I was also unable to come. Still, I promised her weeks ago that I will make it up to her.
But due to the circumstances, I have informed her of my grandpa’s funeral and asked her to find a substitute for my place just in case I could not make it. She’s a good friend and she said she understands if I could not make it. But I felt uneasy having heard from her that “I understand”. I thought it will give me peace to hear that but I felt like a huge disappointment.
While hanging my final decision, I also tried to inform 3 of my aunts (whom I am most worried about) that I may not make it to the funeral. One of them positively supported my decision, another even congratulated me for being part of the entourage, and the other one whom I am least closed with was worried about the photos and videos she asked me to cover for the funeral (more than my presence and support to our grieving family). Fyi, I have delegated the photo coverage to my siblings and cousins.
Having my family/relative’s approval for me to go to the wedding made me more at ease, than having the bride’s approval for me to miss it. I don’t feel such a disappointment for the family having to miss the funeral, so I finally decided to go to the wedding.
When my grandpa died, we have a few days of wake/viewing prior to the funeral. I have asked a few days leave from work for those days so I was able to give full support and service to my family during that time. I have also visited my grandpa’s grave at the cemetery after the wedding.
Thank you again for reading! Wishing the Best for all!