Should I attend my half-sister's wedding?

posted 2 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee

wanderlust14 :  to be frank, your sister is a bitch. do not go to her wedding and cut ties altogether. you took the high road by remaining graceful and not saying hateful things to her in rebuttal of how she treated you, which speaks volumes of your character. she is a terrible person, and if you needed yet another reason not to go, it should be that you were only invited as an afterthought AND as an added bonus, she doesn’t respect you enough to allow your serious partner to attend.

 

you sound like a really kind person, bee. don’t keep allowing her to hurt you. you have been through enough.

Post # 3
Member
8643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

wanderlust14 :  I wouldn’t go, and not because your boyfriend isn’t invited. I don’t believe that your father would want you to go and expose yourself to her hurtfulness. I’m sure he would wish that she wasn’t hurtful to you, but she is. And regardless of how he would feel, you are not obligated to accept verbal and emotional abuse for or from anyone. I’m very sorry for your situation and wish it was different, but since this is what it is, I recommend protecting yourself.

Post # 4
Member
6260 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

wanderlust14 :  write her out of your life. There is no reason to be continually abused by someone, no matter who they are. She doesn’t deserve you there and it has nothing to do with who was included on the invites. 

I feel a little bad for her. Her (your) father had mental health problems that resulted in his death. They may have been genetic. Or she may be handling life badly after what happened, feeling guilt, etc.  But ultimately she needs to work that out, not treat the people around her like trash. 

Don’t be trash for her. 

Post # 5
Member
540 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

My heart breaks for you bee and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.  In a perfect world your father’s death would bring you and your sister closer, sharing your grief and pain and learning to cope with such a tragic loss.  Unfortunately your sister has some serious unresolved issues around her relationship with her father and since he is no longer available, she has chosen to take that out on you.  Its hard to believe, but her bad behavior has NOTHING to do with you.

Good on you for not getting down in the mud with her, but sadly you are going to have to keep your distance from her until she can prove she has resolved her issues and can have a respectful, adult relationship with you.  Hopefully that day will come.  Hugs.

Post # 6
Member
6000 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t go. I doubt your father would want you to go given all that has happened. Do something else to honor him that day. 

Post # 7
Member
331 posts
Helper bee

While I was reading this, I was hoping that your half sister was extending an olive branch in sending you a wedding invite, but sadly this doesn’t seem to be the case. You and your sister went through a very messy, tragic time concerning your dad. I’m sorry for both of you and you must miss him terribly, but your sister might be hurting in other ways. You don’t know how she saw things during all of that turmoil or why she was upset at him for reconciling with your mother. So she sounds more hurting than hateful, even if the hurt is coming out as anger. This doesn’t mean, however, that you have to bare the brunt of her anger and conflicted feelings regarding your father. I’d take the high road and send a card and gift, but I also wouldn’t put myself in the direct line of her toxic behaviour. 

Post # 8
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Oh Bee I don’t think your father would want you to go and get yourself all worked up about if you went. I think she is very disrepectful and hurtful to you. I’ve always said words hurt and I think she said those words to you so you could feel what she has felt. You owe her nothing. Do not put yourself through this. Has she ever said she was sorry? If she has that takes time to get over the hurt that she has caused you. You seen to still have a lot of open wounds from her that need to heal. And if she hasn’t than she needs to, not that right now it will make a differance. But maybe you could start to forgive her. But I would not go to here wedding and it wouldn’t be because she didn’t invite my boyfriend but for all the pain that she has caused me. I would let her know the reason why. I’m sorry Bee you have to go through this, hopefully you will be able to push through it. 

Post # 9
Member
7692 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah, you need to skip that wedding.

Post # 10
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

First of all I’m so sorry for the loss of your father. That must have been a very difficult time for you and your whole family. I woundn’t go to the wedding because you shouldn’t have to go and be miserable, and I’m sure your sister woundn’t want anyone there who wasn’t unhappy. I woundn’t make a big deal out of it, just a polite and short text or email that says “unfortunately something has come up and I’m unable to attend your wedding, but I hope it’s a wonderful day and I can’t wait to see pictures on social media!”

Post # 11
Member
2947 posts
Sugar bee

wanderlust14 :  woof this is tough.

i was all ready to say go before i read towards the end of your post.

I am not sure if the wedding invitation was sent as an Olive branch on her part or not. But then why would she have sent one at all? Do you think her mom or other family member is pushing to invite you?

Her sending it says to me that she wants some sort or relationship with you, but the way she treated you and (unfairly) blamed you and your family was really mean. Obviously she was dealing with some internal issues, but it is no excuse. 

Does she live fairly close? I would suggest trying to meet for coffee or maybe just schedule a catch up phone call and see how it goes. If she seems open to meeting and having a relationship, go from there. If she is still cold, distanced then I would say you have your answer. 

Post # 12
Member
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I began reading this post assuming my answer would be “go to the wedding”, but honestly, after the way she has treated you I don’t think it is worth it. 

Post # 13
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

wanderlust14 :  What a terrible situation, and I’m sorry you had to go through this.

Her behaviour definitely sounds like it has stemmed from grief and insecurity surrounding your father’s suicide. Doesn’t make it right of course, but I feel it is different than if her behaviour stemmed from something less momentous. 

As far as the invitation goes, I think unfortunately you were in the wrong (although this would be debated on weddingbee) depending on the norm in your circles, no ring, no bring can be a legitimate cut off point for invitations.  Since it was only your name on the invitation, you should not have added your boyfriend.  I would invite a boyfriend of 2 years, but not everybody would. 

Would you be glad if this relationship was fixed, or do you not really care at this point? 

If you don’t care, then I would decline and cease contact.  If you would enjoy having the relationship fixed, I would attend the wedding.  I find it unlikely that you wouldn’t know anyone else there, and if it’s uncomfortable, you can always duck out when the reception formalities have ended. Then after the wedding I would speak to your sister and try and see each other for a coffee and a chat, or even suggest seeing a family therapist together. 

This is assuming the wedding is soon (ie. in the next three months)  If it’s still quite far away, I would try to catch up and reconciliate with your sister before the wedding, and if she isn’t receptive, decline the invitation. 

Post # 14
Member
5745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your sister sounds like a POS. Do not attend that wedding. Even if your father was alive and wanted you to attend you should still skip the wedding. Anyone who would tell you to put up with more abuse from her (whatever the relationship) would be completely wrong.

I wouldn’t even respond to her anymore. I would delete her name and phone number and sever all ties with her. And the only way I would revisit that relationship would be if she contacted me issuing some serious apologies and taking responsibility for her behavior and treatment.

But she isn’t going to do that because she’s focused on her own hurt and upset about your father.

Post # 15
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

This is a hard no for me. 

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