(Closed) Should i axe my only bridesmaid ?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 17
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmm…I’m going to have to disagree with everyone.  While I think she’s being a ridiculous with some of her demands and acting all high and mighty, I really don’t think you should kick her out.  Kicking someone out of your bridal party is a friendship ending move so unless you just don’t want to be friends with her any more, don’t do it.  And I honestly don’t think she should have to compromise on her morals for your wedding – though I will say she’s being very rude about it.

She shouldn’t demand a custom designed dress (unless she is truely truely uncomfortable in everything you picked out but I seriously doubt that).  So I think you either pick a dress within her budget and tell her when to order by or give her some contstraints (color, length, fabric) and let her pick her own.  If she doesn’t get a dress, she’s removed herself from the bridal party.  Make a decision and stand firm. 

That’s really weird that she won’t eat a vegetarian meal provided, but I would still provide one anyway just in case she does get hungry.  I know it sucks and super annoying, but I don’t think it’s a hill to die on.

If she doesn’t want to go to the spa, then she doesn’t have to go.  Don’t pay for her to go and sit and read a book.   It was very rude of her to suggest that. Just tell her that you understand she doesn’t want the treatments and that she’ll be missed.

It’s also really strange that she won’t let you pay to get her make-up done professionally with the make-up she already uses.  What is the reason for her wanting to do her own?  Maybe you could explain that you wanted a matching look (and since you’re paying that’s perfectly acceptable) and point out that you went through a lot of trouble to make sure that they use cruelty-free products.  If she still wants to do her own, then I’d say take the high road and let her.  Once again, it’s super annoying, but I think her comfort should trump your wedding vision.

That comment about your wedding ring was extremely rude and very prenentious.  I would be seriously offended and would probably tell her so.

Anyway, I hope venting has helped.  Good luck.

 

 

Post # 19
Member
9840 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

she called you a bridezilla because you wouldn’t pay for her high demands? i am glad you decided to kick her out, she is making the wedding about her, not you and shouldn’t be in the bridal party

Post # 19
Member
9840 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

double post

Post # 20
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee

I am vegetarian, have never touched meat in my love… I’ve even been vegan, but oh my god that girl is crazy!

Her requests have absolutely nothing to do with her needs, she is being an absolutely intolerable drama queen. You are being as accomodating as you possibly can, don’t feel guilty at all for no longer wanting her to be a part of your wedding. She is not being a friend. At all.

Reasonable compromises are things like… My Maid/Matron of Honor has really red cheeks, so I couldn’t have red bridesmaid dresses. I love her so much I was more than happy to pick pink instead. Not, she refuses to eat, participate in anything, get her make up done!

Post # 21
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I would’ve let her go a long time ago.

Post # 22
Member
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@penguinslovecrumpets:  She obviously has no respect for you, so why should you worry about hurting her feelings.  Dump her and get someone in the position who isn’t constantly trying to piss on your parade.  So over drama queens!

Post # 23
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

View original reply
@Cariad:  I totally agree.

One of my two MOH’s was a total egotistical drama-queen and my only regret after the wedding was that I chose her as one of my MOHs.

Post # 24
Member
1346 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Gone-ski.

 

I axed one of my MOH’s (I had two) because of less! I didnt want her to do anymore!

Post # 27
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

My best friend (who was also my MOH) is a vegan; it sounds like your bridesmaid is a Vegan also, because I’m a vegetarian and I can use whatever kind of makeup I want and eat a variety of animal by-products such as eggs and cheese.  I know personally from being best friends with a Vegan, that they really do have a lot of restrictions when it comes to pretty much EVERYTHING and they can be very strong on their beliefs or feelings toward Veganism and animals. While I don’t think it’s fair to totally disregard all her morals, she should also be able to be accomodating to you and suck it up for the sake of your wedding.

I ordered a vegan meal for my MOH at our wedding and she never said one thing about it, she just ate whatever she was comfortable with on the day of the wedding. She did her own hair and makeup and never once made her lifestyle restrictions interfere with my wedding or my day. She found ways to work around things if she needed to and if there was anything she was uncomfortable with, I honestly didn’t know about it because she never complained ONCE.

Your friend is not being accommodating in the slightest, but I wouldn’t shut her out until you’ve maybe sat down and had a serious conversation with her about how you respect her lifestyle choices, but that she should also respect yours. If you can, take a few minutes to google all the things Vegans can and cannot eat, and research what they generally don’t wear, or partake in etc. If she’s a die hard Vegan like my friend, you will see that there truly are a lot of restrictions, and you can show her you are trying to understand her lifestyle. Hopefully you can reach some common ground, and if she isn’t willing to budge, then it’s her problem, not yours.

 

Post # 28
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

YAY!!! I am glad she is no longer in your bridal party!!! Good for you for standing up for your self!

Post # 29
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

Wow, I don’t know how you’ve put up with her and even accommodated her in every situtaion! I would have gotten rid of her a loooooooong time ago! I commend you for being so nice!

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