(Closed) Should i axe my only bridesmaid ?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 30
747 posts
Busy bee

Oh, thank goodness you kicked her out. That sounded like a complete nightmare! I mean ok I understand all of her vegan concerns, but asking you to change your color theme and custom make her dress and pay for her to just go to the spa and read is completely bonkers. She’s personality disorder material…

I’m glad you’re having a roast, and oh so sorry she will have to smell it… poor thing… lol

Post # 31
2701 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@penguinslovecrumpets:  I just read your last response about what else she is demanding.  I’m really glad you tried, but she is waaay out of line.  Yes, she shouldn’t have to compromise on her morals and you want to accomdate her as much as possibe, but there are limits and, IMO, there is no way she should demand all of that from you.  If she is going to be that picky then she needs to learn that she’s going to have to work with you, compromise (ie help pay for her some of her extra needs), and that she is going to miss out on things.  For example, if I required special and more expensive make-up I would offer to split the difference between what I want and what you planned to pay for or just bring my own make-up.  That seems like a reasonable thing to do.  And honestly, if you can’t afford the special dress or make-up then you can’t afford it and she needs to understand that.  You are not a bridezilla and from what you’ve posted it sounds like you have been more than accomadating.

The whole spa and bar thing is really baffeling.  Why does she want to go?  I can understand that she might feel left out if you all go to the spa without her and she really just wants to socialize.  But she said she’s just going to read a book – so it doesn’t sound like she is going to socialize anyway.  Are you staying overnight at the spa?  Will you have a lot of down time to socialize?  Would the treatments cost extra or are they included and are you paying for everything?  I know you’ve already come to a decision on what you want to do with your Bridesmaid or Best Man, but I’m just curious as to why she wants to go to the spa and do nothing and expects you to pay for it.  At first I thought it was because she wanted to socialize, but she doesn’t want to go to the bar (there are vegeterain beers btw, I looked it up) – so I’m really not sure what she wants to do…

Anyway, I’m sorry this sucks so much.  I probably still wouldn’t kick her out – just make it clear what you are going to provide and if she doesn’t like it then she can step down.  And if you want to include your sister, go for it!  Just have 2 BMs. =) 


Post # 32
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I know that there are a lot of people with special dietary needs, but this girl seems to be taking advantage. It sounds like she is using being vegetarian/vegan as a way to pull the focus onto herself throughout the wedding planning, and is giving other vegetarians/vegans a bad name.

Here we have a bride who has bent over backwards to accommodate her friend’s diet, her dress and her makeup at her own expense. The response to all of this bride’s efforts were not “Thank you for trying to work within a very small window of options that I’ve given you.” The response was “You’re selfish for not making your wedding and all of the planning about ME!”

This Bridesmaid or Best Man wants the bride thinking about her custom gown, what her makeup will look like on the day, what food she will not be consuming. Then to top it off she wants the bride to pay for her to attend a hen night where she won’t be doing anything but making everyone else feel awkward and try to cater to her because “she must be so bored” and “Poor so-and-so won’t have any fun.”

Maybe I just know quieter vegetarians/vegans, but it sounds like the restrictions are her leverage for attention-seeking behaviors. I wouldn’t be friends with a person who did things like this regardless of their diet, so I would have no problem cutting this chick loose.

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