(Closed) Should I back out as Maid of Honor for a Marriage Celebration?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I’m so sorry about your dad, bee! 

What all does the role of Maid/Matron of Honor entail since she is already married? Is this wedding celebration more of a reception type party, or is she having a full blown second ceremony with bridesmaids and all?

Post # 3
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you got your money back from the plane ticket! I think your friend should totally understand your circumstances. I would back out.

Post # 4
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee

you already bought the dress and you’re going to the wedding, right? Stay moh.

unless she’s putting too many burdens on you- then tell her you don’t have the time/money/energy and you’d understand if she wants to replace you. A good friend would want you to stay moh standing by her at the ceremony, and ask another person for the help she needs.

Post # 5
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Is there something else that you can take a step back from?  You absolutely have to do what is right for you, but I wonder if some of the graduations could be put off instead?  I would take a minute and imagine a few weeks from now if you had backed out.  Do you feel relief or regret?  Would it be possible to just discuss your role and what you can handle?  Once, in a similar role as you, I asked my best friend/bride if I could hand off my speech-giving responsibilites because it was something that was really stressing me out.  I was still able to participate, but with fewer expectations.

Also — so sorry for your loss! <3

Post # 7
Member
928 posts
Busy bee

So sorry for your loss.  I think only you know the answer to that question and hopefully your friend will be understanding if you have to back out.

Post # 9
Member
540 posts
Busy bee

If all you have to do is show up and you’ve already got the dress etc.. I don’t see why you wouldn’t go. But if you’re going to back out,might as well do it ASAP

Post # 10
Member
1746 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think you need to ask her what she expects of you. It sounds like pretty much everything is already done. But if she asks sounds like too much, don’t be afraid to step down. You’ve a lot going on. 

Post # 11
Member
1196 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry for your loss, bee. If you step down, do you still plan to attend the event? If so, I say just let your friend know you’re happy to stand with her on the day but you’re feeling (understandably) overwhelmed. If she is really your best friend she should be empathetic, whatever your choice. The important thing is that you decide soon to give her time to adjust her expectations. 

Post # 12
Member
5995 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Grad school begins the day of the celebration? I don’t see how this is even a question. Drop out, attend the first day of grad school, and don’t feel bad about doing so. Of course your own career takes precedence over someone else’s celebration. 

She can hardly complain about you dropping out a 1 1/2 months before, when she did the exact same thing to you when she eloped. She moved the celebration to a date that doesn’t work for you, it’s as simple as that. 

And (((((hugs))))) sorry about your dad.

Post # 13
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I am SO SO sorry to hear about your father- that’s truely terrible and heartbreaking. That being said, I’d ask her to clarify what your role is before you really consider backing out. I’d bet that you don’t have to do much more than show up, in which case its hardly different from being a guest and probably isn’t actually stressful. If that’s the case, I’d hate to see you feel guilt over something that wasn’t really an issue to begin with. If it ends up that she’s really adding a good chunk to your already very full plate and you honestly can’t handle it, I would drop out. 

Post # 14
Member
9436 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

How are you starting a new graduate program and going to her wedding on the same day? 

The topic ‘Should I back out as Maid of Honor for a Marriage Celebration?’ is closed to new replies.

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