Post # 1
I’ll try to keep this short. My older sister is getting married next year. My younger sister and I were under the impression that we were going to be bridesmaids. She included us in design decisions and wanted us to do bridesmaid things, like help her make decorations and look for a certain kind of center piece (which required going to countless yard sales). My little sister and I found out that my older sister did not, in fact, plan on us being bridesmaids. We were both hurt. I was a little more understanding because the bride and I haven’t had the closest relationship, but I did think this wedding would be an opportunity to bond.
A couple days ago she apologized to both of us and explained her decision to have friends as bridesmaids instead. She told us she never meant to hurt us and it was purely a financial decision. She said if we still wanted to be bridesmaids, she would love to have us up there with her. She said to think about it and let her know. My little sister thinks she’s going to go ahead and be in the wedding. I’m not so sure. We patched up the differences that caused the 5 + year rift (which turned out to be misunderstandings on both our parts) and actually *talked*, in depth, for the first time as adults. I’m just not sure what to do. I want to be a part of it, especially now that our relationship is on the road to recovery, but I don’t want to be a $ burden either. Plus, I don’t know that she really wants us there (since she chose her friends, and her FI’s sister is her moh). Like maybe she’s hoping I’ll say no.
Post # 3
That is really awkward. I am curious what the financial burden of adding a few BMs is, though? I didn’t find it all that expensive other than a little bit more in bridal party gifts and bouquets.
What does your gut tell you to do? Do you want to be in it?
Post # 4
If I bought her explanation, I’d say you should. But that is a lame/fishy excuse. If she had been honest and said something about how it was because you guys had only just started reparing your relationship…
Echoing @AmeliaBedelia: what is your gut feeling about this?
Post # 5
She told my mom the extra financial burden would be us getting our hair and makeup done. My parents are paying for her entire wedding, and she convinced them to more than double what they were originally giving her. I will be paying for party of my wedding and planned it for less than hers, and my sisters will be in it, so it’s doable. My gut goes back and forth, mostly because of the fishy excuse. I’m leaning towards not being in it because I don’t think she truly wants me up there. And yes, it’s quite awkward.
Post # 6
Agreed, that’s awkward. I wonder, do you feel like with the stress that sometimes bride/bridesmaids put each other through, and the stress of weddings, do you think your newly found relationship would be hurt again by participating? Is your sister a pretty reasonable person where small things won’t hurt your relationship all over again or would it bring you together?
If it was me I think I would consider how it would affect our relationship