Member- bummedbridesmaid
- 6 years ago
I have been friends with the bride-to-be now for over 24 years. We grew up in the same town and have been close friends at times, and at times more distant–due to life’s circumstances and living in different cities–but even though we don’t talk every week, overall, I still consider her to be a close friend and I believe she does too.
I knew that this girl had been friends with her fiance for over 5-6 years, but have only actually met him in person twice.
The last time I saw my friend was when I bumped in to her while shopping during Christmas (about 3 months ago). When I saw her, she looked at me very strangely. We chatted very briefly and she darted away with her shopping cart. I thought either she was mad at me or in a hurry, so I let it go. Later that week I tried to call her a few times to see what was up, but she never responded, so I just let it go.
Well, just a week before her wedding shower, I got an invitation in the mail to the shower and her wedding (at the same time!). That’s how I found out she was getting married! So, naturally, I called her and and we decided to meet for lunch. At lunch, I told her how happy I was for her, but also how hurt I was. She never even told me that she got engaged in October until now! I didn’t understand why she couldn’t shoot me an email or at least text!!She responded that she thought it would be funny for me to find out in the mail. This was not funny to me at all. She told me that when I last saw her she thought that I looked at her funny. (?) After lunch she asked me to be her bridesmaid! (Keep in mind, the wedding is only 6 weeks away!) Normally, I would be honored, but felt excluded in so much of the wedding planning. But I said yes, out of shock.
The wedding, by the way, is in 6 weeks and she is stressed out because she really doesn’t have anything planned yet. She asked me to decorate the reception and I told her I would look at ideas for her. . . She only has the venue, but doesn’t really have any theme, doesn’t have food yet, none of her colors even go together, etc., I asked her why the wedding was so soon, and her response was that the venue opened up at a discounted rate.
Later that week I attended her wedding shower (planned by ladies of her mother’s church). They asked me all kinds of questions, to which I had no answer–such as who are the other bridesmaids? what do the dresses look like? etc., . . I felt totally out-of-the-loop!! I don’t even know who is the maid of honor? I found out that the family shower was held the next day, but it was over an hour drive away and I wasn’t invited until the day before. Normally I would have gone, but I declined–I felt that I really must not have been wanted there anyway with such late notice. At the shower, she just handed me a bridesmaid dress and told me this is what I should wear. Isn’t this crazy? I would have asked the other bridesmaid that was there when she found out about the wedding–but she I found out that she had just recently undergone a mental breakdown–she wasn’t acting normal–and I thought it wouldn’t be best to bring up the subject with her! The other bridesmaid (I found out) is a cousin and wasn’t there for the shower.
I feel honored to have been asked, and did say yes, but now I’m getting second thoughts. I feel like she’s using me to be her wedding decorator/planner. I don’t understand why she left me out until now. I wonder if she’s pregnant and ashamed to tell me? She’s never acted quite like this in the past. And it’s very hard to get in touch with her, since she’s so busy, other than by email or leaving messages. I understand the pressures of planning a wedding and procrastinating, but this is a bit much. I want to celebrate with her, but is she using me? Did someone opt out and I’m the second choice?
Should I just be super nice and attend the wedding as a bridesmaid and keep my mouth shut or should I tell her that after thinkng about it, I can’t afford it all in such short notice and just attend?
This is what I am debating.
Any thoughts?
