(Closed) Should I be a little upset ? SIL doesn't want to stay for the wedding…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t care what anyone says.. Weather its right or wrong, if my sibling or DHs sibling couldn’t stay for our wedding, I’d be upset. 


Post # 63
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I understand for some the wedding is inclusive of both ceremony and the reception. But to me the really meaningful part is the ceremony. I think OP should take the lead of her husband. If he isn’t upset, I’d let it go. I understand being disappointed. But using this as some measurement of your future relationship, to me is a bit dramatic. I know some Bee’s do, but I’ve never taken the wedding day as a be all end all event, even for family. You miss it, oh well, you will be missed, but I won’t hold it againist you. 

Post # 64
3030 posts
Sugar bee

This is probably my last message on this thread. 


You are allowed to feel how you feel.  You are either upset or you are not.  In any case you will eventually get over it.  The problem is always that we can’t control what people do.  We can only control what we do.


You must think about the long term relationship with your SIL and her family.  You could find that you are sister in laws for the next 60 years and so it is best to not let resentment get the better of you.  All you can do is try to a helpful and supportive new sister and be a fun and loving new auntie.  It may work or it may not work but at least you have tried.


I’ve had much enjoyment being a SIL and being an auntie by marriage.  With one SIL (the most difficult of my husband’s siblings) I have a really strong relationship and with the other one (who is less difficult) it’s taken a few years to build anything meaningful.  The nieces and nephew are a lot of fun.  One of them, who was about aged two at my wedding, remembers my white shoes.  Last year I went to her wedding- and guess what, she was wearing white shoes.


So start on a positive note.  Make sure that you have small gifts for the children even if they are leaving early.   Invite them all over to see you when you get back from honeymoon.


As bklynbridetobe said earlier, the wedding day isn’t a ‘be all and end all’ event.  The best fun is yet to come and I say this after being married for 26 years.

Post # 65
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

They may have their reasons, perhaps their kids have specific dietary needs or they don’t behave well in public settings. Maybe they are worried about the drive back and dont realize that dinner will be earlier.  You can only send them an invite and hope for the best.

Post # 66
729 posts
Busy bee

I don’t understand why people would be offended by this. If my Future Sister-In-Law (or my own sister) made an effort to attend the ceremony but told us ahead of time she couldn’t do the reception for whatever reason I would respect that. People in this thread are speculating as to what her reasons are, deciding these reasons are not good enough, and saying she should “just suck it up and go” but why would you want to make someone do something they don’t want to do? She is making the effort to attend the reception, so obviously she cares; she’s not outright snubbing them. 


Post # 67
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@birdy88:  Many people have replied, I honestly do know where you are coming from. But also you need to look at through a parents eyes. I have a 2 year old.  For him to sit in a car for 2 hours than to sit for 30 min ceremony than to sit for reception yeah that so wouldn’t work. Then sitting again for 2 hours on the way home is torture for someone who loves to go, go, go.  He is in constant motion.  And honestly my child doesn’t sleep that well if not in his own bed.  And if in a strange place makes it hell on my DH and I because little boy is up and crying. So not worth it.

A lot of children hell even adults have a hard time sitting for that long. I would just let it go and be happy they are coming for the little time they will be there

Post # 69
14 posts
  • Wedding: June 2013

@birdy88:  I would be upset too.  Maybe you should talk to his sister and say to her, that you would really like her to be at your wedding dinner/reception and it wouldn’t be the same without her.  You could even offer her to stay somewhere or if you REALLY want her to stay, offer to pay for a hotel room near by so that they can drive home in the morning.  Or maybe give her a role at the dinner, so that she has to come! 🙂

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