Post # 1
I’m a regular bee here but wanted to go anon for this as friends and family are also on here with me.
When I was younger, I was so career driven- to the point where I wanted to be a CEO someday. I have an MBA, and then I married a police officer. I never see him, and this isn’t what I thought marriage would be like. I work a salary job which requires me to work 45-50 hours a week, so even when he is home at night, I see him 2 hours and off to work he goes.
We are currently debt free except for one car payment and our mortgage, but if I left this job, I would owe the company around $10,000 for them paying for my MBA and me not staying the full time.
As we get ready to start a family, my views are shifting. I am missing seeing my husband, and with our schedules the way they are, our child would be in daycare so much. I grew up going to daycare and always envied the kids who had their parents around.
Would it be a silly decision to give up my $50k a year job to live off my husband’s $70k income?
Post # 2
It depends on what the cost of living is in your area. Where I live, 70k is double the average household income, but in other areas 70k is nothing. Factor in the cost of daycare and see how much you’d be saving. Then factor in the fact that you now owe 10k. Ultimately it’s up to you. It’s a discussion you and your husband need to have. Yes it’s nice to be home with the kids.. But is it financially possible?
Post # 3
It wouldn’t be silly at all. It’s wonderful that you have your job and your advanced education, but it’s also wonderful that you would be willing to prioritize being a stay-at-home mom in this next phase of your life. Just because some other people may disagree with your choice doesn’t mean it’s not the best choice for you and your family.
Post # 4
- Wedding: June 2018 - The Garrison, NY
Well, how much longer would you have to stay at the company before your contract or the $10,000 is “paid off”? If it isn’t that much longer, perhaps it would be worth it to work until then. It also depends on where you live and the cost of living. Where I am, $70k doesn’t go very far! But if you’re in an area where it would, and you can live comfortably, not month-to-month, then why not? If it makes sense financially, meaning you still have an emergency fund, or “fun money”, then it seems like a good idea to me 🙂 And if you hate it, you can always find a new job!
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2017 - Mississauga Convention Centre
Start by speaking with your husband, how comfortable is he being the only income earner? If you can comfortably afford being a stay at home mom, then I suggest you follow your heart
Post # 6
My guess is that after one year at home, you will be bored out of your mind and want to go back to work. I thought I’d like being at home… Nope, as much as I love my LO, I need more challenges and recognition. All of my friends who have several degrees/had the mentality they want to be a CEO, have felt the same way. Even if you do decide to become a Stay-At-Home Mom, make sure you don’t lose your employability because one day kids go to school, your Darling Husband might lose his job, you might have a divorce etc.
Post # 7
want2stayathome : I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve got a kickass college education and a job I love, but none of it makes up for my kids crying in the morning because they want to be with me, but I have to send them to day care. Or for having to send them to day care sick because I’ve got a deadline and my clients won’t care. I’ve had the chance to be home with them for a few months each (maternity leave) and it’s incredibly hard, draining, and harder than my job, but it’d still wave that job goodbye in a heartbeat if I could. As it is, if I quit we could probably survive, but we’d be one disaster or bad decision away from homeless. And even now, our living situation is not what you’d expect to see in a “first world” country.
So yeah, I definitely get wanting to do this, but you and your husband have to decide if you’re able… and you have to decide if it’s your thing.
Post # 8
whitepeony : I have multiple degrees and was very career oriented. I love being a Stay-At-Home Mom. You just channel that drive in other places. Volunteering, activities, hobbies, continuing eduction. All things that will serve well if you plan to go back to work one day.
Post # 9
Being a sahm doesn’t have to be forever. The kids eventually go to school and you can resume working with a part time job if you wanted. How much is daycare in your area? Your salary could disappear pretty quickly with a kid in daycare.
Post # 10
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
I don’t think you need to decide now, but if you think you’ll be able to live off of your husband’s salary alone then maybe spend the next while saving all your extra earnings to see how your lifestyle would be and also to have those savings built up to pay off the 10k if necessary and to have put away for when you do have a child. What is your work’s maternity leave plan like? Would you be able to take the first year off and then see from there if you wanted to return to work or remain a SAHM?
Post # 11
If it’s financially possible, I say give it a try. I’m a Stay-At-Home Mom with two kids, dd will be 3 on Tuesday and DS will be 1 later this month. I’m a bit different in that I never wanted a normal career, I’ve always wanted to be a Stay-At-Home Mom.
I will say, it can be very difficult, but it’s by far the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. We will be homeschooling, so I’m in it for the long haul. I think when there is a stay at home parent things are a bit more chill at home. Our evenings and weekends are family time because, as long as the kids cooperate, I get house work and errands done during the days. And bonus, parks are empty in the middle of a weekday!
Post # 12
For me, I am choosing not to be a stay-at-home mom. While we could survive on my husband’s salary, we are more comfortable with my additional income. I am also trying to plan for my future by making sure I’ll have a decent retirement income. Would you want to go back to work after the kids are in school? Gaps in employment are sometimes frown upon by employers.
Police work is a very noble profession and I thank your husband for his service, but it also has a very high burnout rate. What if he wants to pursue another lower paying profession down the road?
Do you have enough of a financial cushion for your family in the event that something were to happen? Keep in mind that even without factoring in the cost of daycare, kids are expensive.
Daycare also shouldn’t be seen as something horrible. Many children love it. They can build friendships, learn important skills like sharing, taking turns, how to blow their nose, etc.
Post # 13
want2stayathome : First see how much longer until you don’t need to pay them back for the MBA. Also since they were willing to pay for that they value you. Could you do some days in office and work from home other days? Or maybe shift schedules a bit? Then when you’ve finished out your contract you can stay at home with the option of returning later if you wish. Do you think your husband will work the night shift much longer? I have police in my family and after awhile they can switch schedules (to an extent) after promoting. I mean there is always kind of an on call nature to that line of work but perhaps that’s something to look forward too while he puts in his time.
That said, if you and he are both ok with it and can afford it, OMG yes do it! I never in a million years thought I would want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom or wife but I kind of want to now but our finances are such that I can’t for now.
Post # 14
FutureMrsBex : The median in our area is about $55k, so we are decent in that regard.
Brielle : Thank you! It’s definitely something my in-laws will not agree with as they have both worked their entire lives. My grandmother stayed at home, but my mom couldn’t as my family needed the extra money growing up.
priyawouldntwannabeya : LOVE hearing success stories… good for you!
Impartialobserver : About half of my salary would be going to daycare, which is why I considered it in the first place! 🙂
Fall_In_Love22 : If I stayed that route permanently, home school is definitely something I would consider doing. Good for you guys!
Post # 15
want2stayathome : How about part time work?