(Closed) Should I be a SAHM?

posted 3 years ago in Career
Post # 17
1299 posts
Bumble bee

want2stayathome :  I would try to live just off your husband’s income for a while to see how things would be.  In my area, $70K is nothing and it would be REALLY hard to support a family on that salary (I live in a high COL area).  I mean, it could be done, but it would mean moving to the outburbs where the taxes are less, no date nights out, no eating out, buying only the necessities, etc.  I personally wouldn’t want to live like that.

I seriously would look into the part time option.  My sister has been trying to get back into her field for over 2 years.  She decided to be a Stay-At-Home Mom and we all told her, because she was in a field where she could work part time, that she should not give up her career entirely. (She’s a speech language pathologist)  She said she didn’t want anyone “raising her kids” (Which I absolutely hate that phrase).  Her income made up approximately 40% of their family income, which was a huge chunk to lose when she stayed home. 

Now her kids are in school and she decided to look when the youngest started kindergarten.  She had been home nearly 10 years.  She got interviews but everyone asked the same thing – what have you done to keep up your skills?  She did volunteer as a PTA mom; the employers quite frankly did not give a crap about that so I think that whole “volunteering” thing is way overrated.  One place told her right out that there are a lot of college graduates that don’t have jobs (In our area the field is saturated) and a new grad is going to get a closer look than someone out of the field for years.

She and her husband found out recently that his company is being relocated so if he wants to stay with his job, they’re going to have to move out of state.  She doesn’t want to move.  It is causing a huge amount of tension in their relationship.  They don’t have a much of savings because they couldn’t save on his salary alone as my niece has a lot of medical expenses which they didn’t exactly plan for.  She is still trying to get into her field but now she’s at the point where she’s going to have to take anything (him too) if they’re going to stay.  Things wouldn’t have been nearly as stressful had she continued to work.

This may or may not happen to you obviously, but it happens more often than you think.  I don’t know if I could give up the security of always been able to work in my field.  Many fields will not look highly on you for taking years off.  Part time at least keeps your foot in the door even if it isn’t your dream job.

Post # 18
770 posts
Busy bee

want2stayathome :  I agree with considering the cost of living. But honestly, I plan to be a stay at home mom when we start a family (pretty far down the road) and my fiance is in the military with a 23k a year salary, adding up to about 35k with the extra benefits. I know so many people who have done it and have been comfortable. 

Of course, we have all of my student debt to pay off before starting a family, but that’s the plan!

How much longer would you need to stay to get the 10k paid off?

Post # 19
5365 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I sent you a pm!!

Post # 20
839 posts
Busy bee

Where I live, $70K can qualify you for subsidized housing because it’s nearly impossible to live on, so that’s a resounding no in my situation. Darling Husband and I make over twice that and between taxes, his loans, and the cost of living, we don’t have much left over most months. 

I understand the merits in staying at home with kids, but I could never do it. Taking that much time out of the workplace has so many downsides. 

Post # 21
4252 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

It was helpful for my mom to be a Stay-At-Home Mom for about 10 years, from when I was born until I was 10 years old.  Granted she also did a lot of work on my parents’ hobby farm (gardening, yardwork, housework, harvesting and processing, etc.), so it wasn’t only being a mom as she had an outlet she enjoyed.  Once we were able to be home on our own she started working part time.  She worked part time until she retired last year and I know she enjoyed working outside of the home and she had a great work/life balance.

For me personally, I know that I would never be able to stay at home full time as a parent.  It would be one thing if I was able to work from home, which may eventually be a possibility with the direction my career could take, but solely caring for kids I don’t think I could do.

It’s ultimately up to you of course, however I know that the stability of having two incomes in this day and age is really beneficial.

Post # 22
2680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

want2stayathome :  how much longer do you have to stay at your company to fulfill your obligation and avoid having to pay them back the 10k?

Post # 23
3903 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I wish I could a Stay-At-Home Mom when I’m a mom (not doablle in our situation) but if it was I would save up like 6 months of min living expences before becoming Stay-At-Home Mom just in case if something ever happened to your husband’s job or something else so u4ou have a safety net other than credit cards. 

Post # 24
1450 posts
Bumble bee

First I just want to say you arent debt free if you have a car payment.  That being said if youd like to stay home, try living just on your husbands paycheck for 6 months using your income to pay off your car and potentially pay toward that 10k you may owe.  That way if you can do that DHs paycheck will go further when you do stay at home 


Post # 25
3169 posts
Sugar bee

I haven’t read any responses as I don’t want to colour my response. 

My initial reaction is to say why not if you would like to?! As long as, as partners, you’ve thought about the smartest and most rewarding way to manage your house and finances and it makes sense and you would like to take time out! 

Practically I would encourage you to make sure your employability and retirement plans are not forgotten. It’s a sad fact that women are often in a much worse of position than men once kids have grown as they have taken extended time out of the workforce and haven’t contributed to their retirement savings or kept their skills up to date. You never know when you will have to return to the workforce or be financially independent. Life’s a tricky one! Just keep that in mind xx

Post # 27
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I am currently 22 weeks pregnant with baby #1. The plan is for me to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. Sure, money is going to be a little tight for the first little bit…but I want to stay home really badly, and Darling Husband wants it for me.

I grew up with a Stay-At-Home Mom, and I totally see the benefit of it!

Post # 28
37 posts

want2stayathome :  my mom was a Stay-At-Home Mom and I was actually pretty lonely growing up. I didn’t have anyone to play with and didn’t make friends until I started school. 


My niece and nephew are home schooled and while maybe it works for some families, I feel it is detrimental to them. They miss out on so much. 

Post # 29
7032 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

want2stayathome :  Are you trying to TTC immediately? If not, I’d spend the next year living off your DH’s salary alone. Not only so you can see what it feels like, but also so your salary can go into savings as a nice little nest egg. 50k is a huge chunk of change to put into savings if you can spend the next year continuing to work and just save your paychecks. How long do you have to work before your 10k repayment is absolved? For me that would also be a huge factor – not only would you be losing 50k of income but also 10k out of pocket to pay back your MBA.

I’m completely not against being a Stay-At-Home Mom, I just think you need to look at the big picture and weight your options. We don’t know what field you work in, so it’s almost impossible to say if you’ll be able to re-enter the field in the future should you let 10 years go by without working. Is it possible to go part time or even into a different job with more regular hours?

I get it, I totally do. My Darling Husband has a job that has him traveling the equivilent of like 6-7 months of the year. I am self employeed and work from home, but even when we get pregnant I’ll likely have to cut back on my work because my “work hours” aren’t 9-5 which makes childcare almost impossible unless I have a nanny. Fortunately we can financially swing it because we already essentially like off of DH’s income but I’m still hesitant to fully give mine up because I do like having the extra money.

Post # 30
1888 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s your choice to make, but this decision is about much more than $50k versus the cost of daycare. Your future earning potential is on the line, imagine how much you could be making in 5 or even 10 years if you continue to invest in your career. Will your husband’s job be stable enough to support your family for years to come?

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