(Closed) should i be bullied into having SIL as bridesmaid?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

The only person who can talk to Future Mother-In-Law is your Fiance.  Tell him that you are NOT adding SIL to your Bridal Party and he can explain that to Future Mother-In-Law.  Let him be between a rock and a hard place, he needs to stand up for you on this!  (Since he chose not to include his brother either, I’m guessing he’s just not close to them…so it’s not like it’s your “fault” anyway!)

Post # 5
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Gah, i hate when stuff like this happend. Mother-In-Law is bulling us around too, but then when Fiance stands up to her, she flipps out and says that he’s disrespectful….on and on. I understand your situation though. I have my Maid/Matron of Honor who is my best friend, and 2 bridesmades who are my brothers girlfriends.  I dont ever hang out with them (one lives in the next province) and the second, i just have no similar interests as her.  When i asked the second girl to be my bridesmade, she told me how much it meant to her and shes so happy i asked her.  I had no idea she felt like this, now im glad i asked her. So i guess what im trying to say is, if you get along with the girl, why not have her be your bridesmade.  Dont feel bullied, just go with the flow is all I can say! =)

Post # 6
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My Future Mother-In-Law asked if SIL was going to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I just said no. I mean she’s married, her kids are in the wedding, she’s perfectly happy like that. Future Mother-In-Law just wanted it like that since Fiance was in her wedding. It’s your wedding and if you aren’t close to SIL don’t ask her. It’s your decision, not hers. Have your Fiance tell his mom to stop asking, it’s your wedding and you choose who stands up with you that day!

Post # 7
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Why can’t your SIL stand on your FI’s side?

Post # 9
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

It sucks that you are being bullied into it, but I would ask her, just to keep the peace.  In the end it won’t really matter that much, and keeping MILs happy is a good thing. 


Post # 11
1566 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t let this bother you – as long as you and your Fiance agree on a decision that’s right for you two, this isn’t the type of issue where others’ input matters. It sounds like he can’t really expect you to include SIL if he’s not including BIL. If he’s afraid she feels left out, he can talk to her directly. I don’t even understand why Future Mother-In-Law is getting involved in this. 

Post # 12
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

If you guys are happy with the decision you’ve come to, leave it be. BUT if there is concern that she is being left out, I would recommend that your Fiance talk to his sister and ask her if she feels left out or if Future Mother-In-Law is just stirring the pot. If she does, maybe he can ask her to be a groomswoman, and his brother a groomsman? If he doesn’t actually want them involved himself, he can limit their roles to just standing near the two of you on the wedding day. It *might* make everyone happy, without burdening you with an uninterested SIL!

Post # 15
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m glad it all worked out.  I don’t know what’s up with your Future Mother-In-Law.  But maybe she was “projecting” how she would feel if she was the sister veing excluded.  (Especially since your Fiance was in FSIL’s wedding. Parents try to make things even steven sometimes.)  Or maybe was anicipating that Future Sister-In-Law would feel hurt, because Future Sister-In-Law, did hint at something, or Future Sister-In-Law was always a bit sensitive.  A mom is a very complex being, right?  You’re a mom.

And while you are in a good place and Future Sister-In-Law is fine, is it possible that Future Sister-In-Law is a little disappointed, (maybe talked to MIL), but certainly wanted whatever decision you made to be your own?  Maybe she’s embarrassed that Future Mother-In-Law brought it up.  And when you talked to her, she really didn’t want hard feelings.

Future Mother-In-Law shouldn’t have been so agressive. But perhaps she wasn’t trying to simply irritate you.  SHe might have thought she was doing something good…for someone.



Post # 16
202 posts
Helper bee

Definitely do NOT be bullied into adding people to your wedding party – especially people that you are not close to.  I have a situation in my family, where I am close to one SIL and not the other.  One has been asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and the other has not.  I worried about offending her, but we are just not close and I don’t want to have her up there as an obligation.  I say don’t let anyone pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do on your day!

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