(Closed) Should I be getting engaged at 17??

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

No.  

Post # 3
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

No. What’s the rush? If you are meant to spend rest of your life together you will. It does not matter weather you marry at 17 or 30. Wait till you are in high 20s. Average age of engagement in US is 24. 

Your life is going to change after high school, people can develop different interest. Give yourself room to grow individually. 

Post # 4
Member
6445 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Absolutely no. It is almost certainly a huge mistake. 

Statistically speaking, the divorce rate drops dramatically if a person gets married at 25 or older instead of at 18.

Post # 5
Member
1718 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I’m so sorry if this comes off mean. But I have never in my life supported high school relationships unless that relationship survives college. 

Go to college, get a degree, get a nice job that can support you on its own, and then get married. It’ll be good for you to have that. And you’ll appreciate knowing later on that your relationship SURVIVED college. Many relationships do not. And that will only bring you closer together. 

Post # 6
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

Don’t. Please. You have so much time. Falling in love at seventeen can be an awesome thing. You’re going to learn a lot about yourself and love in the next decade of your life. Give yourself that chance to explore.

Post # 7
Member
5559 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Are you living at home still?

I also thought that I was mature at the age of 17. And then at the age of 20 etc. I believe I’ve blocked a lot of those years out of my life because I don’t want to remember the actions of my mature 17 year old self.

Also, if you have to tell everyone how mature you are… chances are, you’re not as advanced in maturity as you want to believe.

I doubt you will listen to us, but I would think twice about marrying at such a young age. Why not just continue to be in a relationship with him so you can see if you grow together?

Post # 8
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

My parents were in a very similar boat. My mom was engaged at 18, married at 19, and had me at 20—her birthday, my birthday, and their wedding anniversary are all within a week of one another, so she was pretty much that age on the dot. I will say this: although my parents are still together and care for each other very much, I do not think they would have gotten married to one another if they had met five or ten years down the line. Both will tell you that they’re very different people than they were at 18 and 20. That led to some problems, some hard times, and frankly, some very unhappy years.

I’m not firmly against someone that young getting engaged, but I would caution both of you to think about how much life is going to change even in the next three years. Consider how you’ll support yourselves, and how you’ll feel if you roll over one day and no longer completely recognize the person you’ve married. I got engaged pretty young as well, but I’m waiting until I’m more firmly comfortable in my field and in my finances before we get married. We’ve lived together for three years and have been through deaths, financial crises, and plenty of ups and downs. I still know it’s going to be hard, but I’m going into it with some expectation of how we’ll handle those rough times. I’m not sure if I could have done that at 17.

I wish you the absolute best and think it can work! But it will be much more difficult. Just be careful and remember that you have a long, long life ahead of you to get married or travel the world or settle down or do whatever the hell you want—it can wait until you’re a little older.

Post # 9
Member
2510 posts
Sugar bee

Noooooo. Please don’t do it. My husband and I got engaged after a year, but there is a BIG difference between dating for that amount of time in your late 20s and dating for that amount of time in your teens. I say this as someone who thought I’d marry my high school boyfriend, and I look back and cringe at the thought. If you really must get engaged, have a very long engagement (like 4 years). Graduate college (or trade school or whatnot if you’re not college-bound), get a job, live on your own, and become financially independent before you consider actually marrying someone else. 

Post # 10
Member
849 posts
Busy bee

If you need to be validated by a bunch of internet strangers, the answer is probably no…and this is coming from someone who’s been happily married since 18 (full family approval, both of us are highly traiditional and religious, if that makes any difference). Getting married young isn’t right for most people, but it does work out for plenty. Only you know yourself, your bf, and your situation best, so none of us can really tell you if you’re truly ready or whether it’s a good idea. Though most of us will err on the side of caution and tell you to wait, because it doesn’t sound like you have a reason to rush. 

Post # 11
Member
5559 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

My sister is 18, I would do everything I could do to convince her not to get married right now if she wanted to.

You talk about your maturity but worrying about how everyone else will react or what everyone else would think shows immaturity on your part.

but you’re 17, your brain isn’t even fully developed. You still have so much time to learn and gain perspective in life. If my sister got married today, I would still love her and be there for her. You are still worthy of love even if you make bad decisions.

Post # 12
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

No… 

I get that you feel like this is forever, and it very well may be, but what is the rush? If it’s truly forever, why would waiting to have a big party and sign the papers be a big deal? 

I got married to my high school sweetheart, who I had been with since 16. I just want to say, people do a lot of growing and changing in their 20’s. You want to think you’ll grow and change together, but that’s not always what happens. We were together for 12 years. Married for 7 of those. 

Yes, my parents and his parents both got married young. At 19 and 17 respectively. And both couples are still together. But, it was a different life and a different world. I’m not saying it can’t work, I’m just saying there is no reason to rush things. Grow. Figure out your lives. Heck, figure them out, together, if that’s what you want. But DO NOT get married. Please. I beg you.

My first marriage was a mess. Neither of us knew who we were or what we wanted out of life. Sometimes we would work toward a future together and sometimes we would do it separately and against one another. We didn’t know how to argue in a healthy manner and things were BAD. We both needed to grow up, a lot, and have some life experiences. Luckily we didn’t have kids, because, wow, if I had to still speak to that man today – I would be DEVASTATED.

I married an amazing man/boy the first time, but he grew and turned into a Monster. If I had given it just a few more years I would have seen who he was going to become, as an adult. I would have seen what life experiences did to him to change him and realized that he was not who I thought he was. 

You’re so very young. There is so much life left to happen to you. Don’t put yourself in a position that you can’t easily get out of, because I promise you, you both will grow and change a TON in the next 10 years. 

My current husband got married for the first time at 30, and he says that was even too young, for him. I remarried at 30 and I am comfortable that I made the right decision and that this man won’t change and grow into someone I don’t know. Yes, things could still happen, but we have developed who we are, what we do, strong friendships and careers to support us. Work on those things. Work on them individually and support one another, but hold that paperwork off for a few more years. Please. 

Post # 13
Member
279 posts
Helper bee

No. You don’t know who you are as a person yet and marriage will hold you back from developing at such a young age- I say this because you had to ask for advice on the question here so you aren’t mature enough to answer it yourself. Have fun in your youth, go to school or work, meet new people, have fun. 

Post # 14
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

I will state that the marriages I have seen workout from very young ages (under 22ish) are usually very religious and have entire church’s supporting them. And that mostly the marriages occurred because of their church’s beliefs about sleeping together, unwed. It CAN work. But those are very different situations than the average non-religious or semi-religious folks. 

Post # 15
Member
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

Have you graduated from high school? Do you plan to go to college? Do you have career and personal goals? Does your boyfriend? Do you know how you will be able to pay for housing, utilities, food, cars, education, cell phones, etc.? Or where you will get your health insurance? Marriage is a legal event and considered an emancipating event in the US and (I believe) you can no longer remain on your parents’ health insurance or auto insurance (may vary by state). Do you want children together? Do you know how much you’ll need to have in savings before that can happen? How much daycare costs in your area or how much one partner would have to make for the other to stay home 

If you want people to treat you as an adult capable of making the decision to marry then act like an adult and work through all of the above and then some before making plans to marry. It’s not just about true love and a fun party. You each have to have the tools to support yourselves and each other. 

 

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