(Closed) Should I be getting engaged at 17??

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee

honeybee4872 :  First of all, he doesn’t sound like such a prize if his wife literally tells him to leave her for you. Either he never grew up and she’s sick of hearing about you, or she doesn’t want him that much. For what it’s worth, your story sounds just weird to me. You loved each other at 17. Not at 20, 25, or 30. In all of those years there were plenty of times for you two to get sick of each other, to have affairs, to experience sexual dysfunction, to piss each other off. I get that to you it sounds like a romantic fairy tale, but that’s precisely why it weirds me out. I get that you both feel cheated, and you are probably still attracted to each other and see some qualities in each other that you loved. But, this world is full of people who fall head over heels with each other and divorce. Love is not enough. And especially love at 17 years old, before you even have the chance to really mature and grow. 

And I had a similar situation. Engaged at 17, we broke up. Reconnected years later, and he was engaged. He offered to break off his engagement so we could get back together. I refused, because I wasn’t the same girl that I was at 17. 

Maybe you both would have stayed married, but you can’t determine that based on love. That can only be determined through years of work, communication, and compromise. That doesn’t make for a great fairy tale. It’s also not something that 17 year olds just innately know, and is a big reason why those relationships don’t work. You are looking at this though the lens of a mature woman, not an immature teen. 

Post # 77
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

This exactly. I was coming to say any person in a monogomous relationship telling their partner to go off with someone else sounds like someone trying to get rid of their deadwood.

 strawberrysakura :  

Post # 78
Member
3277 posts
Sugar bee

Can we stop hijacking OP’s thread with honeybee4872‘s fantasy story?

Post # 79
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

What’s with all these first time posters who never come back?

Post # 80
Member
5567 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

zl27 :  she’s probably not coming back

Post # 81
Member
5563 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

honeybee4872 :  Your story doesn’t even make sense if his parents moved him away wouldn’t you both have just waited for each other and got married a few years later rather than him marrying someone else and you being about to marry someone else?  

The idea that you would still be married is so bizarre, it is literally based on nothing since you didn’t actually get together.  You are only 35 now so moving away didn’t need to be the end of anything, there were phones and internet, it’s not like it was 40 years ago. I don’t see how you could know you would still be married when you couldn’t even make temporary long distance work. 

Post # 82
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

missviolet92 :  She was problary hoping we were going to say hell ya get married. I guess she didn’t like our honesty wink.

Post # 83
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - England

kaitlin239 :  no! And I have been with my husband since I was 16! But we got married at 25. Now, i don’t think you necessarily have to wait till 25 to get married, but it was very important for us to go to uni, make sure we could afford the wedding ourselves, a house etc… first. We were lucky and grew together, while making sure to never restrict each other but I also know a lot of people who grew apart as they changed! 

Post # 84
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

 Absolutely not. You may think you are a mature 17 but until you’ve lived on your own, paid all your own bills, had real life experiences both good and bad you aren’t ready to commit to someone else. You should be commiting to yourself and learning who you are without your parents or SO’s influence. While I don’t think you need to wait until you’re 30 I do think you should enjoy your independance in your 20s. Also, if you are in the US (sorry I didn’t read all the comments so I’m not sure if you stated this) you wouldn’t even be able to toast to your marriage at your own wedding. 

Travel, make mistakes, grow alone before growing with someone else. You don’t have to break up but good lord if you think getting engaged at 17 is ok you need to really take a step back and ask yourself why you want to jump into a commitment this serious at such a young age. 

Post # 85
Member
358 posts
Helper bee

No ma’am. 

Wait until you have entirely gotten to the point where you can support yourself on your own. Don’t break up… just don’t get engaged and married. Wait until you get married to have kids too. That way you can be financially independent and have an actual resume incase it DOESN’T work out. 

 

 

Post # 86
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

kaitlin239 :  My mom was engaged at 18, my dad was 23 and they got married when my mom was 19 and my dad was 24. They have been married for 26 years and its a great marriage. Neither of them had any desire to go to college, my dad had a steady career, and their parents paid for the wedding so they didn’t need to wait until they were older. They knew they wanted children, and although they struggled finanically at first because my mom lost her job while she was pregnant they made it through the hardships and everything has been great!

So whether or not YOU are ready really depends. I’d say if you both don’t want to go to college, both have the same goals regarding children, where to live, etc, are comfortable supporting eachother and paying ALL expenses then you might be ready but I would definitely wait to get married until you’ve been together for 2 years. Statisically, after 2 years the relationship takes more effort, its not just infatuation anymore so I’d make sure your relationship is still strong then

Post # 87
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

Why the rush? 17 is very young

Post # 88
Admin
46189 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2021 - City, State

Sorry all.  Terms state users must be 8 years of age to have a WB account.  Closing.

The topic ‘Should I be getting engaged at 17??’ is closed to new replies.

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