(Closed) Should I be happy? FI said he will pay ALL the bills..but…

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i want and need my fi to help plan our wedding…  it’s OUR wedding. not MY wedding. it’s kind of nice that you can make all the choices though – no need to argue about flowers, colors, or honeymoon location! 

Post # 4
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I really do think you should be happy with his decision. You can still bring your ideas to him and keep him posted on what you are doing. I am in total control of our wedding, but I still run everything by my Fiance before I finalize anything; just in case he changes his mind and has an opinion.

Post # 5
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i would be happy –  i was lucky that Fiance tagged along to some of my meetings but in the end i made almost all of the decisions on my own. i would ask him things here and there like what do you thinkabout this and that… in the end though they kind of have to help with some things…i just desginated him in charge of dealing with rehearsal dinner (since his parents were paying) and tuxes..as well as calling around for RSVPs when we didnt get them. but all the little details and stuff was all on me and i enjoyed every minute of it.

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Could be worse….I love my Darling Husband, but boy was he over opinionated. Sometimes I wished he would just butt out! LOL He even cared about what went in the Out of Town bags

Post # 7
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well, since your money is joint when you are married (even if you keep it separate, most states are community property states), technically all he is doing is spending your future joint money. So I don’t think “paying all the bills” is that impressive. If it’s important to you that he participate, I would think of things he might want to get more involved in.

Post # 8
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly I wanted my fiance’s input and was annoyed at his lack of participation… right up until he had an opinion that was different than mine.  I found it easiest to just let it go and recognize that my husband just doesn’t care about the details as much as I do.

Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Men see this as “our day” not their day- no matter how liberated they are.

Post # 11
Member
3758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I am in the same situation. He has no opinions, the only thing he has contributed as far as ideas go is that he wants his Groomsmen wearing red plaid bow ties and that he wants me not to wear make up (#2 isn’t happening)

Post # 12
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I agree with crayfish that his saying he will pay for everything doesn’t really mean much, as you guys will be combining money after you’re married.  But you should count yourself lucky your Fiance isn’t trying to be overly involved in everything: too many opinions can make wedding planning extra stressful.  If I were you, I’d ask him if there’s anything specific he’d like to plan–maybe he’s a music lover and wants to pick some songs, or maybe he can find the perfect honeymoon destination.  If he truly doesn’t want to be the decision-maker on any of these things, then at least you tried, right?

Post # 13
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I would be so happy if Fiance wanted me to plan the whole thing from the start. At the beginning he wanted say in every little detail, but he also didn’t want to spend a lot of time looking at wedding stuff. I had no clue what to do. In kind of the middle of planning he was ok at spending more time looking at wedding stuff, but was also getting ok with me to pick stuff out. Now I think he is bored of planning, so he lets me do pretty much what I want and just hands me his bank card or credit card when I need it.

Post # 14
Member
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Some guys could care less quite honestly.  My Fiance has wanted to take on a larger role but I am a take charge kind of person and just do it when I want it done and not when we can both do it.  I of course ask his opinion so he at least feels involved.  He will probably become more involved as it gets closer. 

 

Post # 15
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

This strikes me as lazy & uncaring. I’m so glad that my Fiance is interested in most aspects of the wedding- his job is very busy but he manages to organise his share of things.

I wouldn’t be very impressed if this was my FI’s attitude towards our wedding!

Post # 16
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@aprilsixteenth: i TOTALLY agree.

 

It’s just awful that your fiance doesn’t want to participate more in the wedding. It’s HIS wedding too and he SHOULD care how that day goes because it’s a very important day for you both. My fiance has been involved with EVERYTHING in the wedding planning. He is my best friend and even went with me to pick out my wedding gown. I love how supportive he is about everything and he should be because without his opinion, I might as well be marrying myself!

it’s important that he is involved. So tell him to quit being LAZY and get involved in BOTH of your guy’s wedding. 

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