(Closed) Should I be having a marriage conversation? How long to wait?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
2221 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

Wait until after your 2 year anniversary.  If you have any romantic weekends/trips planned coming up soon, then i’d wait those out too. Then bring it up. You wouldn’t want to ruin it if he was going to surprise you on your anniversary.

Post # 3
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

So it’s not too soon to uproot your children and move in together but it’s too soon to simply talk about marriage? I don’t get that. To me, moving in together, especially when kids are involved, is a commitment. It’s a serious step in a relationship.  If you’re comfortable enough to do that, then why aren’t you comfortable enough to talk about expectations, life plans, and a timeline for your future together? Is there anything that makes you think he’s planning to propose any time soon? If not, then why wait to talk about something so important? I agree that you wouldn’t want to ruin a potential surprise proposal, but you don’t mention looking at rings or anything that would indicate those plans.

Post # 4
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I have to agree with the previous poster…your BF was prepared to essentially blend your families but not make the formal commitment to marriage… that seems ridiculous. I would ask immediately what his plans are and get a FIRM timeline for marriage. What will happen in two years after your child is firmly attached (if they aren’t already) and he decides marriage is not what he wants…. I’m sorry OP this is a tough situation and youre in a tight spot. Best of luck and I hope everything works out.

Post # 6
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

Wait, so HE asked if YOU want to talk about it, and YOU thought it was too soon? So essentially, he wants to have this conversation, but you’re not sure if the timing is right?

OP, if he has already expressed interest in talking about marriage and you bringing it up won’t come to him as a complete shock, then I don’t see why you wouldn’t at least open the floor for discussion. You can wait until after your anniversary, but definitely have this talk.

Post # 7
Member
2922 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Yes discuss it. I can’t imagine moving in with someone without having that conversation. I brought it up at about 9 months in, it kind of freaked him out to be honest because I think he thought I wanted it right that second but I really just wanted to know where we were headed. I’m not going to waste my time with someone who doesn’t see a future with me, so I needed to know.

Post # 8
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard

Sounds like you are the one stalling. 

He has brought it up, he wants to marry before having another kid, he wants another in another 2 years, he has talked about venues…He wants to discuss it..he is ready now. 

With the anniversary coming up, just non-chalantly ask him where does he see you guys in another 2 years. If he mentions marriage, tell him yes, you are ready now and hope to be engaged in the next  XX amount of time.

Men do not discuss it if they aren’t ready. He is ready. What is holding YOU back?

Post # 9
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: Victoria Wedding Chapel

Of course you should talk to him. He’s been wanting to talk about it, so talk. I’m not sure what you’re worried about, but I’m sure it will go just fine. You’re not pressuring him, he’s the one that started the process.

Post # 11
Member
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You don’t need a secret decoder ring to go hunting for clues here! It’s not that complicated. Just sit down and have an adult conversation with your life partner about something that matters to you. 

It sounds as if he’s given you plenty of signs that he wants to get married. He wanted to live with you, he tells you and other people about the plan to have a child in two years with a wedding first, he brings up wedding venues. What more are you looking for? Sounds like he’s totally on board with getting married. Honestly, from the way he’s talking, it sounds like he’s already begun tentative wedding planning and maybe even considers you two engaged already. If you need a ring and a proposal in order to feel officially engaged, tell him that. Tell him that the way he talks makes it sound as if he’s planning to get married in a year or so, and that if he considers the two of you engaged that you’d like to start ring shopping so you can cement that plan.

Depending on what type of wedding you want to have, it might take a whole year to plan. Let him know that too, if that’s something you want. It sounds as if you’re scared to tell him what you want, which is weird to me. Be open and honest. He’s not a mind reader!

 

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