(Closed) Should I be helping with the shower?

posted 5 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have never heard of a brude helping– the shower is being thrown for her, the bride (shouldn’t be) hosting her own. If your Bridesmaid or Best Man asks again, say that you are excited for whatever she has planned and can’t wait to see it. She’s probably checking to make sure it is okay with you.

Post # 4
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Normally the bride isn’t involved in planning the shower. I think they’re just asking for your opinion so they don’t accidentally plan something you hate.

Post # 5
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Right now I am Maid/Matron of Honor for my bff, and she is trying to help, and I had to politely tell her that I don’t want her help. This i a party for you, so let everyone else handle it. However, if they ask you questions don’t hesitate to answer them.

As far as your Bridesmaid or Best Man asking the 2 that can’t come to pitch in–I always say no. I think it is ok to ask, but if they can’t pitch in or won’t I wouldn’t make an issue out of it.

Post # 6
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

Where I come from, a bride isn’t even supposed to know when her shower is, let alone help with it.

 

Post # 7
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with the PP’s, the bride doesn’t help plan the shower. I am planning a shower right now for my friend and I will ask for her input so I know what she wants but I don’t want her help planning. Just to know which color or type of cake.

 

Post # 9
Member
7229 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sarg88:  Weird. They shouldn’t be bothering you with the details. Are you bridesmaids really young? Maybe they don’t know how to throw a party for someone else/aren’t very confident. They most likely just want to make sure you love it. Maybe mention to your mom that they seem to need direction/reassurance and could you please just send them to her when they have questions. Surely your mom knows you don’t need to be involved!

Mom can help with the cost question, too. I’m currently planning a shower with 6 bridesmaids- 2 of whom are out of state as well. At least one will definitely NOT be making it to the shower. One was in town a few weeks ago so we did a planning meeting/invite making party with her. She is also giving one of the maids cash for something. The other one is broke but is contributing by getting one of the games together for me. There are lots of ways they can help… but $20 ain’t much, so it couldn’t hurt to ask.

Post # 10
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@sarg88:  If the two bridesmaids defintely can’t make it then no, nobody should be asking them for money. That’s like asking them to pay for a meal they won’t be eating. 

 

Aren’t showers supposed to be a surprise? You organising your own shower kind of defeats the purpose. This is supposed to be something the women who care about you organise for you, if you organise it yourself it’ll be kind if a redundant exercise. I agree that your BMs are probably trying to plan something you’ll love, so want your opinion on certain things like food, games etc. If your BMs have any questions that don’t really require your opinion then just direct them to your Maid/Matron of Honor. Maybe your Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t know your Maid/Matron of Honor very well and is afraid to ask in case she looks incompetent or something? Id. It’s silly, but people do worry about stuff like that. 

 

Post # 11
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Nope, and they really shouldnt be asking for your input or giving you any details.  

Post # 12
Member
205 posts
Helper bee

@sarg88:  I’ve been in weddings where the bride basically planned her own shower and let us know how much we owed, and ones that we, as bridesmaids, planned the whole thing. As a bridesmaid, I would expect to pitch in even if I couldn’t make the shower and $20 isn’t very much to ask, but that’s just my personal opinion. I’m in a friends wedding this summer and the cost of the shower per girl is around $200, which is about the going rate for most of the weddings I’ve been in (although one was $400/girl!!). Maybe it’s just the area I live in, but when I commit to being in someone’s wedding, I want them to have a great shower because I know they would do it in return for me 🙂

Post # 14
Member
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

The bride should have nothing to do with planning the shower. My BM’s and Maid/Matron of Honor have asked me about colors and that is all they are telling me and oh they told me the venue, which I love, but that’s all and that’s all I want to know…

Post # 15
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m obviously in the minority here…but I’ve actually been pretty involved with the planning of my shower. My Future Mother-In-Law and Mom are hosting, but neither of them have been to a shower in decades and they are asking me for my opinion A LOT Smile so I’ve taken it upon myself to make suggestions, and I’m pitching in with the food & decor. That may sound weird…but I’m an only child, and the youngest in my small family and it just makes sense to be involved. 

But, to the OP:

I don’t think it’s expected that you be very involved unless they come out and ask you to be. I would offer if you think they need help, and I think $20 for each Bridesmaid or Best Man to pitch in is totally reasonable if that’s the only shower you’re having.

Post # 16
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I helped in giving my input for what kind of theme I wanted and choosing the venue, setting up the guest list, coordinating between my mom and bridesmaids. Otherwise my Maid/Matron of Honor did all the logistics, invite planning, and she and the BMs created some surprise DIY decor and favors. I tried to step back as much as possible but Maid/Matron of Honor kept pulling me in with some of the logistics and I had to nicely tell her I was stressed out from wedding planning so couldn’t be as involved as she would want me to be!

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