(Closed) Should I be jealous of what happened at Fiancé’s bachelor party?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I woudn’t worry too much over it. Guys at bachelor parties get a lot of attention, as do girls at bachelorette parties. It doesn’t sound as though your Fiance actively did anything bad, unless you guys previously discussed no strip clubs, no lap dances and no getting hit on?

Post # 4
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’d say it’s normal to feel jealous, but try to let it go.  Does the lap dance thing bother you?  Keep in mind that if they went to a high-end place, lap dances are expensive, so it might not be as many as you’d think.  (Also, keep in mind that guys exaggerate).

A bachelor at his own party is bound to attract attention, so yes, women probably were hitting on him.  But it’s not like he did anything about it, right?  Maybe think of it as, even on a night when he could’ve gotten away with anything, with women hitting on him left and right, he stayed faithful?  I don’t know; I totally get why you would feel jealous and upset, but give it a few days and I’m sure you’ll feel better.  Maybe take a day to hang out with your own friends, do something nice for yourself, and don’t think about wedding planning.  Good luck!

Post # 5
Member
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think you ever need to ‘have a right’ to be jealous…sometimes we all feel a little insecure and we’re supposed to feel safe enough with our partners to share that, whether it makes sense to anyone else or not…  and for me I totally understand how you’re feeling – I would definitely be upset if I got those details from someone else after hubby had the chance to tell me himself.  I would probably feel that he left out those details on purpose, and I know that would upset me, mostly because I’d be hurt that he felt he had to leave them out (either because he wouldn’t trust me not to lose it, or because he felt guilty… the latter would definitely worry me more).

My point is that you’re entitled to feel however you feel and I think the best route is to just explain to him that it hurt hearing those things from someone else when he could have just told you himself.  If you’re not normally a jealous person, and you’re obviously ok with him going to strip clubs, then he had no reason to not tell you those things, right?  If you’re bothered by it, you should talk to him about it… and again I don’t think you have to justify feeling bothered by something, how you feel is how you feel and part of being a couple is feeling safe enough to tell your partner that, even if it’s silly or unreasoned or completely understandable (which, IMO, it is for you in this case!).

Good luck, and I hope you guys can talk it over and laugh about it later 🙂  For what it’s worth, I’d insist that the only fair thing to do would be a $500 shopping spree for me to make up for it, lol 🙂

Post # 6
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I know you will worry about it no matter what we say, and I would too, but from what you stated, it doesn’t seem like your Fiance did anything wrong per se. Just keep in mind that those girls at the clubs are payed to pay attention to whoever has the money, and if the guys were paying for lap dances for him, that is what they were doing. It is just a job for them; nothing more.

Post # 7
Member
2313 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Those girls know bachelors at their bachelor parties are good for one thing: $$$$$. Don’t stress too much about it! I know you don’t like the idea of women rubbing up on your guy (I wouldn’t either) but I’m sure it was totally harmless and nothing to worry about too much.

Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would just try to let it go. I know that it could be tough, but I have friends who have been married for 4 years and she still brings up his bachelor party when they fight. It’s awful.

Post # 9
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

A bachelor party in Vegas tends to lead to things like clubs, strip clubs and the like. While it may bother me just a tad, I would have to remember that its a bachelor party and I would have expected in to have gone this way.

Try not to let it bother or worry you…..i know the mind can be a tricky thing…..

Post # 10
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t know.  I hate the whole strip club thing because I feel like it is a double standard (in the majority of relationships).  It’s ok for a guy to go to a strip club and get a lap dance, but if the girl did this, I think most guys would not be cool with it.

Anyway, that aside, I agree with what other posters said.  It’s normal to be jealous, but try to let it go.  If this type of thing comes up again (a friend’s bach party for example) try to be clear about your expectations.  If you aren’t ok with your guy getting lap dances, you have to talk about it beforehand. But I probably wouldn’t bring it up unless it comes up again.

Post # 11
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

Do you have a right to be jealous? sure of course, no one likes to hear about that stuff. Should you hold onto it for very long? No cause it’ll cause problems. He probably didn’t tell you because he didn’t want to make you mad. I wouldn’t be too upset. The girls there usually don’t want any of the guys that go there, they just want the money.

Post # 12
Member
907 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think it all depends on what the (hate using this word, but don’t know what else is better) “rules” of your relationship are. You know, what kind of comfort guidelines have you given each other. For example, I’m okay with my fiance going to a strip club for his bachelor party if he wants to because he’s never gone during the course of our relationship, and I 100% trust him, but neither of us would be okay with any “private” interactions. Backroom lap dances, etc. I know some other girls, however (and to be honest, MYSELF in past relationships), would NEVER be okay with anything like that, and that’s totally normal and okay as well!

 

So did you guys talk about any guidelines for this trip ahead of time? What about in general? As a couple, are you not okay with each other dancing with other people? I think jealousy totally depends on the context of your relationship. If you feel like he did something he knew would make you uncomfortable, then I think your feelings are totally justified.

Post # 13
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’d say it’s not a big deal, just let it go.  It was his bachelor party, not just a regular friday night at the strip club.  Strippers are there to make money, not to try to steal your guy away.  

Post # 15
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t understand why you are mad at him. He was very up front about what went on during his trip and now you are going to take the word of some gossipy girlfriend over his? Who know what her guy told her to ease any tensions between the two of them. She didn’t even say that he did anything that crazy, so I’m kind of at a loss here. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas (and it doesn’t sound like much happened), so just let it go. You can’t punish him for breaking rules that neither of you knew existed.

Also, your “tit-for-tat” mentality is not a very healthy one.

Post # 16
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you didn’t discuss it prior to the bachelor party, then he had no way of knowing that this type of behavior would upset you, espeically if he knew you used to go to strip clubs with your ex. So you have every right to be jealous, but I think it would be unfair to hold it against him. You can’t be okay with it beforehand and then get angry after the fact, because in that case you set him up to fail.

I think your new plan sounds a little immature, but that may be the way I am reading it. If you want to have this wild, raunchy evening to be passive aggressive or for some kind of vengeance, I think you are barking up the wrong tree. The weeks before your wedding are not good times to trade petty jabs. Also, something tells me that if you were this upset about your FH getting lap dances, you will probably feel insecure/guilty/dirty if you go out and do the same thing.

I say this as someone who does not believe in strip clubs in my relationship. However, I recognize that the bounds of every relationship are different and just as valid. The most important thing is to discuss what they are on and be on the same page BEFORE someone gets angry and vengeful.

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