(Closed) Should I be jealous of what happened at Fiancé’s bachelor party?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Oneeleven: i cannot believe you are seriously trying to justify singling out ONE poster and calling her a bitch. regardless or who is right or wrong, nobody deserves to be called names.

Post # 48
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Oneeleven: you can think whatever you want to think – but saying those thoughts out loud is sometimes not very tactful. two wrongs don’t make a right.

Post # 49
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@mrs.jk:

two wrongs don’t make a right.


This is the internet, not kindergarden

 

Post # 50
Member
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

View original reply
@Oneeleven: “This is the internet, not kindergarden”. And this is a moderated board with rules, not a free for all. Personal attacks and name calling are against the rules of this board, whether you like it or not. @Muckmoo1 did not attack the stripper personally, just stated her opinion on the profession as a whole. Whether we think that was tactful or not, calling her a bitch is not acceptable here.

Post # 51
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@meliss:

*sigh*
then please flag my offensive post and have it deleted.

Post # 52
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

To the OP: If you were somehow hurt about what happened…why would you want to go and do the same thing to your future hubby?  I think you just need to talk to him about it, these parties get so blown out of proportion.  And I wonder how much bragging this guy was doing…guys can exeggerate these kinds of things so much.  Additionally, a lot of the strippers have boyfriends or significant others themselves.  They were probably just paying extra attention to the bachelor & the guy feeding them the cash.

Post # 53
Member
3519 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I know it’s hard, but I think you should try to just tell your Fi how you feel, and then move on.  Guys at bachelor parties are always buying eachother too many drinks, lapdances, cigars, etc.  As the bachelor, he couldn’t really say no.  You’re lucky he told you, even if it wasn’t the entire truth.  I don’t think you should hold it against him when it was probably his buddies egging him on.

 

Post # 54
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

Personal attacks have been deleted in this thread.  If you wouldn’t say it to your boss or your grandma, don’t say it to another poster.

Post # 55
Member
9 posts
Newbee

I am having trouble following the logic of most of the posters.

He went to Las Vegas and had $500 worth of lapdances, bought for him by his friends, and he didn’t tell you.  The reasons for this are presumably that you didn’t talk about it before, and therefore he didn’t know it was wrong.  But, if he didn’t know that it was wrong, why wouldn’t he have told you about it.   And, in addition, the onus should have been on him to inquire as to what was and was not OK with you;  it is his fault that he didn’t inquire, not your fault that you didn’t give him a list of what he could and couldn’t do.  And it is naive or condescending to make the assumption that men are not smart or aware enough to know that their fiances might be uncomfortable or worse with a weekend full of naked women and lapdances and whatever else happens in Vegas 

So the other (much more likely) possibility is that he knew it was wrong, and he didn’t tell you because he “didn’t want to hurt you.”   In other words, he lied.  (Most lies about fidelity can be based on the pretext that you don’t want to hurt the partner.) And of course, there is the simple possibility that he lied because he wanted what he wanted, and was willing to take the chance that you wouldn’t find out, and that if you did, you would forgive him.

He violated your trust.  Turning a blind eye and pretending otherwise is not good advice.  Not a great way to start a marriage.

I am sorry.

 

 

Post # 56
Member
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

View original reply
@dinosaur1984: I couldn’t agree more.

 

To go “balls to the walls” at your party isn’t going to fix the problem. You need to address this with him and let him know your feelings on what happened in Vegas…I mean, what happened in Vegas obviously did NOT stay in Vegas. This whole situation needs to be put to rest somehow, you need to both come to an agreement about what is and isn’t acceptable in your relationship. Sorry some crappy things happened while he was having his “last hoo-rah” but the only thing to do now is to address it and put it to rest.

Post # 57
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@JuneBlushingBride:  Strippers aren’t like “normal” girls, meaning that the “no girl just goes in for the kill” notion does not really apply.  It’s their job to go in for the kill, it’s how they make their living.  Also $500 on lap dances isn’t really that much, depending on the club, lap dances go for about $150 – $300 not including tip. Also, in a club situation a lot of girls are attracted to the FH in a bachelor party, it’s like a weird conquest thing that I’ll never understand. I’d almost be sad if my fiance didn’t get hit on … it’s good for the ego to be attractive to the opposite sex, and it’s good for my ego to have a hunky FH! 

I really don’t think you should be jealous he came home to you and is marrying you, not a club girl.  And poo on the guy who told his girlfriend “everything,” isn’t that like against dude code?

What I suggest is have a rowdier more fun hen party to shame the bachelors and be happy. 

Post # 58
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Isn’t this backward thinking.  The guy who was honest and told his girlfriend everything is bad (cause he broke “dude” code) but the guy who lied is good.  And, I thought that honesty was the foundation of trust which is the foundation of marriage.  Good dudes don’t have a code that includes doing things that would upset someone’s SO and then lying about it.  And the one I really don’t get is that you shouldn’t care because he came home to you and is marrying you.   That would mean you shouldn’t care if he visits prostitutes or has one night stands or an affair or lies in a million ways because he is marrying you.  I really think you should be able to expect more from your fiance. 

Post # 59
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

my man wouldnt even be allowed to have a bachelor party period neither wud i. problem sloved. 

Post # 60
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I don’t think he should be blamed for leaving things out of the story… I mean, it was his bachelor party. That being said, after knowing what he did I too would be a bit jealous.

We had our parties on the same night. I think this could cause less stress and so you wouldn’t feel compelled to “get back” at him. There should be no time where you want to hurt your partner (physically or emotionally), even if you are hurt. It’s just no healthy. Go out, have some drinks, dance with guys and let them buy you drinks, and have a good time with your girls. I am glad I did this, and though I did nothing resembling cheating, I personally wouldn’t want my now husband to know all the details of my bachelorette party. Just as I don’t care to know all the details of his. I know he would never do anything to hurt me, and I trust him enough to have a good time. Having them on the same night lets you forget about what he’s doing and have a good time. (I know this doens’t help the OP’s situation, but just for future bees who are uncomfortable with their guy’s having a night on the town)

Unfortunately, the friend that told you this put mental images in your head that aren’t easily erased. I know I’d be jealous if I’d heard about lap dances and almost-kisses, but it was his last night with his buddies before being married (to you, forever 🙂 and he probably did some things he wouldn’t normally do. I would maybe have a talk with him about trust, but you should find it in yourself to try and forgive him before you go out on your own b-party. You definitely don’t want to be on a mission to get him jealous. Instead, go out and have a good time, like I said earlier, dance and drink and party with your ladies. When you get back to your Fiance, kiss him, tell him that you love him, and understand that you too probably won’t be comfortable sharing all the little details (’cause some guy might grab your ass when you dance with him no matter how much you don’t want it!).

Seriously, this was waaay too long winded, but I think you have every right to be jealous, as it hurts, but forgive him and move on. 🙂 (and don’t forget to have a good time on your own!)

Post # 61
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@dinosaur1984:  The OP’s fiance told her exactly what happened without getting into detail.  I am pretty sure that the “gory” details can be assumed.  What do you expect to happen at a stag night visit to a strip club?  Tea and cake?  If my fiance is going to a strip club for his bachelor party, I’m pretty damn sure that there will be naked women rubbing up against him.

The “friend” that told his girlfriend, told her pretty uneccesary information.  He wasn’t being an extraordinary boyfriend.  A good relationship also revolves around trust and independence as well as honesty, partners are entitled to their privacy as well.  Jealousy is not a good trait, you just set someone up to behave badly when you expect it of them.  I absolutely trust my fiance to handle himself appropriately if he gets hit on at a club or a strip club, but I’m not going to get pissed off if it happens.   Everyone is entitled to let loose once in a while.

 

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