Post # 1
So my brother just called me a little while ago and said "Guess what? Dad and I bought tickets to a NASCAR(at Bristol) race. And guess what day it is?" First thought was, the day of the wedding. So he tells me no, it’s not the day of the wedding. But it is the day of our wedding shower. Our co-ed wedding shower, which is scheduled for August 22. And as of yesterday, the invitations are going out any day now. The church is already reserved.
So the shower cannot be rescheduled. I haven’t talked to my dad yet, and I won’t be able to until late this evening. He told my brother that he doesn’t think I ever told him the date (I did, he’s forgetful). I’m not really mad and I’m 90% sure I’m ok with them not being there. But this is our one and only shower. It’s going to be my family and my fiance’s family and our friends. The one time before the wedding when our families are going to meet. And how bad will it look to not have my dad there?
So should I ask my dad and my brother to try to sell their tickets? Or should I just let it go and not have my dad and my brother there? I will have another brother there (hopefully) and my SIL and nieces, but out of about 60 people invited, probably 20-25 (7 are out of state and probably won’t come) are my family and friends. The rest are my fiance’s family and friends. Plus, I was kind of counting on my dad to bring my elderly great aunt to the shower (which either SIL or other bro can do).
What should I do? I know my dad won’t be mad if I ask him to try to sell the tickets, but I’m worried he won’t be able to sell them. I haven’t talked to my fiance yet about it but I wanted to get the hive’s opinion.
Post # 3
As a bride to be and a NASCAR fan, I say let it go; Bristol tickets can be really hard to get. I don’t think they meant to pre-empt your shower, and personally would rather they went to the race, than to go to the shower and wish they were somewhere else. Ask them to bring you back a t-shrit!
Post # 4
I think men don’t really understand why showers are important! I would say if you’re 90% sure you’re okay with them not coming, and someone else can pick up your aunt, then maybe you should just tell them that while you would like for them to be there, you understand why they won’t be there.
If the other 10% of you reall wants them to come, just tell them how much you would like for them to be there, and you would appreciate if they could attend a different race.
NASCAR will be around for years, you only get one wedding (hopefully)!
Post # 5
I would ask him to sell the tickets. While I’m not having a co-ed shower myself, I think it would be the same as if my mother told me she wasn’t attending my shower. Especially if this is the one time your families will meet before the wedding (I assumed you were talking about your parents meeting each other – which is really the important part in my book), he should want to meet them.
When you speak to him, I would just focus on all the reasons you want him to be there, rather than focusing on selling the tickets.
Post # 6
- Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club
Honestly, I wouldn’t worry about it (and I wouldn’t ask them to sell their tickets!). I know it’s important to you, but many men, even the progressive ones, sometimes glaze over at the very mention of a "shower." I would try not to take it personally.
Post # 7
I’d let it go and let him decide if he wants to sell the tickets or not. Although a co-ed family shower is a great idea, I still don’t think most men "get" showers or their importance, you know? What does your mom have to say about it, surely she should’ve been the one to stop him if anybody was going to?
ETA: Sorry, I just realized you don’t mention your mom in your original post, and I just assumed she was in the picture. If she’s not, that definitely makes a big difference as to the importance of whether or not your dad attends.
Post # 8
I would talk to him first and remind him that that is the same day. Give him an attempt to say whether to go to the race or to the shower. Then you can go from there. Who knows he may make the decision for you and you won’t have to.
Post # 9
Let your dad decide if he’s going to be there. If he asks your for your opinion, tell him the truth.
If anything, I’d think your mom would be the one most upset 😉
And, yes – while it would be GREAT to have him in the pictures, etc – you will still get awesome wedding pictures, etc.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t let it bother you. I know it’s your shower, but they’ll be there for the really important day. They’ll probably just be trying to find out what’s going on in the race anyway.
I do not understand the love of Nascar, but I had a # of people skip our engagement party for a college football game. 🙂 Little did they know we just turned on the tv and watched it. Roll Tide.
Post # 11
@amysue & oracle-My mom would be P.O.’d!!! But I lost my mom 5 years ago. My dad has met my fiance’s parents but this would be the first time our extended families meet. My fiances extended family is mostly local so I’ve met most of them, but my fiance has not met any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins because they are all scattered.
Mostly, I’m irritated because I know I told my dad when the shower was. And even if he didn’t remember the date (he wouldn’t. he’s absent-minded-always has been) he should have at least remembered it was in August on a Saturday! I just wish he would have double checked with me before I bought them (I’m unemployed and always available AND I talked to him on the phone yesterday!). So now I feel bad asking him to sell them. Plus I know, he and my brother have wanting to go. I guess I just need to wait to talk to my dad tonight.
@Kate-LOL, there’s an Ohio State Football game the day of our wedding. I just know there are going to be guys checking there phones for the score during our ceremony!
Post # 12
I wouldn’t be mad. Just understand this is something super important to them. My family however just informed me a few months back that I am not allowed to be married during SEC football season. (huge Ole Miss fans).
When I married my xh, one of my best guy friends couldn’t come b/c he had tix to the Talledega race. I understand the nascar thing.
Post # 13
I think it boils down to men (oil) and showers (water) -ha ha pun intended! they just don’t seem to mix. It sounds like, since it is a family meeting, that the shower stood for much more than a shower. But I’m not sure if everyone involved really saw it that way 🙁
But I wold also try to let it go. Sorry.
Post # 14
Tessa, given that your dad would be your only parent represented, that definitely changes my response; I’d be upset. I’d remind him that that’s the date of the shower (although you could phrase it differently, maybe — "That’s the family get-together") and see what he says. I would bet that he forgot.
Post # 15
I was going to say that you should let your dad decide by giving him all the reason why you want him there but telling him he could go to the nascar thing and you wouldn’t hate him. HOWEVER, knowing that he will be your only parent there, really changes my answer. he needs to be there. he’s your support system and a representative of where you come from. How bad will it look to FI’s parents if you dad doesn’t care enough to show to meet their family.
Post # 16
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. 🙁
Men are typically absentminded when it comes to dates. Plus, showers are ‘our’ thing – and not theirs. So while you may have told him, it wasn’t on his radar and I’m sure he got super excited about the tickets.
Take a deep breath and let it go. I’m sure he’ll feel bad enough, once he realizes what he did….