(Closed) Should I be mad?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 79
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@mags2233:  yikes, that was uncalled for. Is this how you reacted when you Bridesmaid or Best Man said she couldn’t make it? If so, I am not a tiny bit surprised she’s not bending over backwards to make it to your shower. It’s always good to remember that our weddings may be the center of OUR universe, but it is not the same for everyone else in our lives.

Two/four of my bridesmaids could not make it to the one shower I had or the bachelorette party. Such is life.



ETA: glad you edited that comment. There are women here who would tear you apart (and rightly so) for that.

Post # 80
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mags2233:  “once again. 2 YEARS a matter of 2 Years. The only party we threw for ourselves was the house warming party.. so I dont see what the issue is and nobody asked for your opinion


You did ask for opinions – you started a thread on a public forum titled, “Should I be mad?”  That’s a direct solicitation for opinions. 

Post # 82
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mags2233:  You said last may you had engagement party and this May you had housewarming.

May 2011 – May 2012 is 1 year…it is June 2012 now…so 1 year+1 month is 12 months.

Little over a year…not 2 years…


Post # 83
4150 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mags2233:   I think you’re getting a bit defensive about the responses instead of really thinking about what the responses mean.  It looks like the majority of people feel that you shouldn’t be getting mad at the Bridesmaid or Best Man, which is what you asked for a response about.  I would take those opinions and then decide what you do from there.  But the defensiveness isn’t helping – it’s exacerbating the issue, if anything.

ETA: Don’t focus on the comments about the parties you’re throwing if that’s not what you want feedback on.  Focus on what people are saying to answer the question you asked, which is that most don’t think you need to be mad about this.

Post # 84
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

OP are you freaking kidding me?  You DID in fact ask for my opinion, when you wrote a post in a PUBLIC forum that has a ‘reply’ option.  Don’t get mad at me because my opinion isn’t the same as yours.  Perhaps this attitude is why your friend went on a nice relaxing cruise instead of going to your shower?  I wasn’t even rude to you….so I don’t know what your problem is with me.  Maybe you should go have a glass of wine, a hot bath and vent to your Fiance instead.

Post # 86
1274 posts
Bumble bee

Short answer to the original question OP. You can be disappointed. You can even be mad.  But the only requirement truly is to attend the wedding itself and be in a dress that she was asked to wear that day.

Sucks she can’t make it to the shower, and it may have slipped her mind when booking her vacay. But try to focus on the people who will be there to celebrate that day.

You said yourself you second guessed asking her to be in the party in the beginning when she begged to be…so it seems like you may have had an inkling she could be flaky.  

As for all the commenting – this is a public forum and the tone that is being used isn’t coming across as the nicest – so maybe consider that in responding? Not everyone is going to agree. Smile

Post # 87
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think I would react the same way as you, to be honest! I’m not sure if you said that she initially RSVPed “yes” to the shower, but I do feel that if she did, she made a committment and it’s rude to not show up just because the invitation was sent out early. I, myself, sent my wedding invitations early so people had enough notice and were able to get a hotel. I think it’s important to do that! I’m not sure how you can just forget about it since she didn’t attend 2 of your occasions, but I guess from now on you can just not expect too much out of her. So sorry this is happening to you!

Post # 88
5920 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010
Post # 89
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mags2233:  Wow, sweetie.  MerryWidow (and many of the other ladies on here) was being quite nice to you, no reason to get rude with her, or anyone else on here.  Yogic breathing, now.

I understand being upset/disappointed, but I think you’ve blown this all out of proportion.  It seems that you set yourself up for getting angry when you started asking her when she booked her vacation.  That was passive-aggressive, as was the next response you gave her.  And I’m not sure how the housewarming party got thrown into all this, but in the scheme of things, a bridal shower’s not a big deal.  It’s not a small intimate thing, your bridesmaid will have lots going on helping you out before your wedding.

Post # 90
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MerryWidow:  +1 for you! 

Seriously, OP, you are WAY out of line!

At my work, it is very hard for me to get time off because only so many people can take off at once.  So even if you gave your Bridesmaid or Best Man that much notice, maybe that’s the only time she could get off.  Or, maybe there was a really good deal for that week. 

No one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you and your Fiance.  It’s just a fact.

Darling Husband and I went through a span within the year or two we got married that most of our friends were also getting married.  No joke, one summer we had 8 weddings to attend.

Especially in this economy, it is asking a lot to invite people to 4 different parties (engagement, shower, housewarming and wedding). Heck, we never had an engagement party nor a housewarming party!  And we never had a photographer at our shower.

Your comments to her were completely out of line and I think you owe her an apology.  Your comments to others on this board WHO WERE JUST ANSWERING YOUR QUESTION are out of line as well.

I wish you the best.

Post # 91
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Cruise trumps your shower.

You get to be a little sad, but not mad.

Sorry you aren’t hearing what you want, but seriously, having a tantrum is not really the way to go here.

Glad I am not your bridesmaid- I can only imagine how difficult that role would be.

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