(Closed) Should I be offended?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
9647 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I don’t think so, they probably had a list of guests who had attended so they could send thank yous, and then added in the gifts to that list if they received them, you and your Fiance were probably listed under his name on that list, I don’t think they purposefully excluded you

Post # 4
Member
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@littlemiss604:  That’s clearly an innocent mistake. A really unpleasant one, yes, and they would be embarrassed as hell if they realized what happened, but I would leave it be. No need to assume the worst when a mistake is just as likely. 

Post # 5
Member
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@littlemiss604:  I would be offended too. The generous gift was from both of you and both of you should have received their thanks.

Post # 6
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

@littlemiss604:  It was definitely inconsiderate on their part but probably an oversight. I doubt they intentionally left you out!

Post # 7
Member
4952 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@littlemiss604:  No, it was 100% an accidental oversight. I’m positive they are both grateful and appreciative of your gift. With all the names and cards flying around it’s easy to see how someone could get missed. It’s possible the groom filled it out and wasn’t aware of the etiquette of the situation. I’m sure they would be horribly embarassed if they realized what had happened. There’s no reason to be offended when it was not done purposefully. 

Post # 8
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Maybe he forgot your name and thought it was be safer to just put your fiances name then to put the wrong name or put ‘guest’. I don’t know. People do weird things. I wouldn’t be offended.

Post # 9
Member
2958 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I’d probably be a little miffed if this were to happen, but I agree that it was accidental.

Post # 10
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@littlemiss604:  I would be offended. This happened to me – my fiance and I were invited to his college friend’s wedding. I had never met the couple. We RSVPed with both of our names, but we were referred to as “Fiance and Guest” through the entire day (seating chart, seat assignment, etc). When we finally got a thank you card months later, it was a generic thank you card that wasn’t hand-written, addressed to no-one inside, and not signed. The envelope was addressed only to my fiance.

I was offended, but it’s much more a reflection of how tacky these people are. When you ask someone to be a part of your wedding, the least you can do is acknowledge them and send a heartfelt thank you. I’m with ya, sister. Tacky, tacky, tacky! 

Post # 11
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

Tacky, yes, but what are you going to do?  I remember post-wedding wading through all those thank-you’s and I hope I didn’t forget someone’s name.  I’m sure they didn’t do it on purpose, and if they knew about the mistake they’d probably make amends for it.  

Eh.  If I were you I’d try to lose the emotion.  It’s just going to make you feel bad whenever you see those people.  There’s too many other things in the world to worry about than your name not being on a thank-you note, you know?  🙂  

Post # 12
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Not worth being offended over, in my opinion. Thank you cards can be tedious because there are just SO MANY to do, I’d give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it was a simple/accidental oversight.

Post # 13
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Offended no, but annoyed yes.  You gave a substantial gift – they should definitely have taken the time to make sure that both of your names were included and correct.

Post # 14
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If both of you signed their wedding card, then I think the thank you should have been addressed to both of you. I’d be annoyed, but not enough to bring it up or hold it against them.

Post # 16
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Meh, I wouldn’t be offended.  Chances are, they kept track of their guests and gifts and such on a spreadsheet of some sort and didn’t merge the names properly, then just went into the zone while writing out all those cards. Innocent mistake.

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