Post # 1
One of my guests – an old co-worker and I would consider good friend – well her new boyfriend is not able to come to the wedding, so instead she is bringing a girlfriend of hers that neither me nor my fiance know. We are having a smallish wedding – 130 people, friends and family.
Is that weird that she wants to bring some random friend that I don’t know? And I hate to point out the obvious – but it’s another dinner plate we need to pay for – $120 – and this person does not know me, so it’s not like she will be giving us a gift. Not sure what to say. My friend just sprung this on me now – 3 weeks to go.
Post # 3
@Sunshine09: Does she know anyone else attending the wedding? I would say if she isn’t friendly with at least 4-5 people that will be there, let her bring her friend.
Post # 4
@Sunshine09: I figured that you’d have to pay for the meal regardless of whether she brought a +1 or not since you’re only 3 weeks away from the wedding and she said she’d bring someone… and I assume you already told the caterer numbers but I could be wrong?
I think that for the sake of harmony with a coworker (very important) you should let her bring the friend. She was courteous enough to ask you, and she might be dreading not knowing people. I know I’d hate to go to a wedding completely alone.
If I were in this situation and 3 weeks before the wedding I was told I couldn’t bring anyone, I would be pissed. $130 is a small price to pay when your work life could be made a misery.
Edit: Sorry – I just re-read your post, you said an old coworker. In any case, you probably should still let her bring her friend… makes you the bigger person etc.
Post # 5
@Sunshine09: Well since you already told her to bring a guest, regardless of whether it’s the bf or a just a friend, wouldn’t she have the choice who to bring? I know it sucks that you’re spending the plate money on someone you don’t know, but since you like her I’m sure this is worth maintaining a good relationship with her.
Post # 6
When this happened to me I just let it go. 2 of my friends’ SO weren’t able to make so I let them bring substitutes. I wanted them to feel comfortable attending. Our wedding was about the same size, roughly 170 people and about the same price per plate.
Post # 7
Yes its true I would pay for the meal anyway – but a boyfriend feels sort of different than jsut a random person.
We don’t work together now, haven’t for years.
She knows several people at her table and many people are coming solo which I told her.
Post # 8
If you put the boyfriend’s name on the invitation, then it is implied she can’t just bring a random person. But if you put “guest” then she should be able to bring whomever she wants.
Post # 9
I’d be fine with it. An “and guest” is just that to me. I can see how it feels odd, but I also know – you can’t always count on there being people to talk to at the wedding. Even if people have RSVP’s yes that you know, sometimes their plans change OR you get seated at a table away from people you know.
I know those don’t sound like they apply in your case, but I can see why someone wants to bring a guest if they’ve been extended that invitation.
Post # 10
Well considering that it could be her Fiance coming you would have to pay for the plate anyways. Since she is an ex co-worker she might not know many people at the wedding so it would be nice for her to have someone there she can hang out with. It sucks that you have to pay $120 for someone you dont know but it will probably make your guest feel more comfortable. In regards to her not getting you a gift youre right she probably wont and thats okay but your friend may/should make up for it by throwing you a bit larger of a gift whether monetary or boxed.
Post # 11
Yeah…it just feels weird for some reason.
Oh well, thanks very much for the thoughts. I suppose I’ll just let it be so she’s comfortable.
Post # 12
I had this happen – I personally feel it’s strange – a +1 is intended for a date, but I’m not sure there’s much you can do about it. But yes, it’s odd to bring a girlfriend who you don’t know. Why would she want to come to your wedding anyway? <shakes head>
Post # 13
PS – this person originally asked if she could bring her DOG to the wedding.
So I suppose I should be glad that she’s bringing someone who won’t pee on our dance floor! LOL
….People….. *eye roll…*
Post # 14
I’ve been to many weddings where I didn’t know anyone other than the bride or groom. It can be pretty uncomfortable/boring to hang out with strangers for several hours. Hopefully her friend will bring a wedding gift even tho she does not know you. I know I would.
Post # 15
It depends. When you addressed the invite, did you address it to her +1 or did you address it to her plus her BF’s name? If you gave her a +1, then she can bring whomever.
Just because her friend doesn’t know you, doesn’t mean that she won’t give a gift. I have brought a SO to a wedding and he did not know the couple at all, but I have always paid for 2 heads. That’s on your friend, not on your friend’s friend. Perhaps your friend figures since she already RSVPed for 2, she is already going to give a gift that covers 2 heads, and thus may as well “get her money’s worth” for it.
If you’re not comfortable with her bringing a friend you don’t know, just tell her that you meant the +1 to be for her SO, not a random friend. I’m sure she will understand. I was told you don’t need to give a final headcount until a week before the wedding, so you still have time. But, if she doesn’t really know anyone at the wedding except for you, it’s going to really suck for her and she might feel like she still needs to pay for 2 plates. I would just let her bring a friend. 130 people is not really all that small.
ETA: just read the part about her bringing her dog.. clearly, she has some issues about being alone even though she is going to know people there. just let her bring someone, or else she might be the one who pees on your dance floor.. 😉
Post # 16
I think it is a little weird,,, I could see her bringing someone you both know.. My Maid/Matron of Honor husband could not attend so she brought her mother.
If you are uncomfortable with her bringing someone you don’t know, perhaps you can see if she would consider bringing someone you both know so that person won’t feel awkward.