- 1 year ago
so one of my close friends needed $60 last week. I only had $90 left at the time because I used my check to pay part of my tuition, my books, and $350 worth of debt. I let her borrow it on a Monday, but let her know that I’d really need it back when she got paid (this thursday). I usually do not care to collect money I let people borrow, and I always pay for friends when they have no money. They do the same for me and such, but I clearly let her know i’d need it for gas money. I don’t get paid until the 21st again. I work a bit far away and commute siblings to school 5 days a week. I go through about $50 in gas.
Well, she forgot to pay me Thursday. I reminded her Friday, and today she forgot again. So it’s been two days, and I have zero money right now. My dad is out of $ too, so I’m kind of f*cked right now. My boss lives close to me and is giving me a ride to work tomorrow.
She does tend to be genuinely forgetful, but the issue is that she now only has $40 left and she basically snapped at me because I told her I was upset and that she left me in a tough situation when I trusted her. Her mother asked her for money around midday today, so that’s how she ran out of money. I’m irritated too because she paid to get her nails done in the morning, and yeah her mom hasn’t asked her for money, but she’s supposed to have paid me since Thursday. Her response, in summary, was basically “I don’t work as much as you and I didn’t get paid enough, plus I had unexpected charges”. I feel like she unfairly guilted me.
Ive been very happy and calm this month. This situation was a trigger for me. My abusive ex used to let me spend all my check on him, or borrow money, and then promise to take care of me once my money ran out. There were a few times when he was a huge dick and basically didn’t help me as promised, and then when I said something about it, he’d accuse me of being codependent and say something mean (“figure out your own shit like an adult”, etc) and guilt me about it. Even though HE’D be the one convincing me he needed the help and to trust him.
I always help my friends, emotionally and with anything else. I have great friends and have never had a problem before with any of them. I think 90% is because this situation reminded me so much of how my ex would take advtange of me, and 10% is her being kind of shitty.
My friend did apologize now (it’s been an hour since she texted me all that), and is basically pleading for me to let her come drop it off (the $40) and to talk. I lied and said I’m at work late, and that I work all day tomorrow (that part is true), so to just drop it off at my house (my brother will be home).
Idk.. It’s a 5yr friendship and she would show up with flowers/teddy bears any time I told her my ex beat me. It would be at random hours too.. , and even with all our good history, I’m so upset I don’t know if I’ll want to talk to her at all for a while. Or at all. Am i overreacting? I literally don’t know and can’t answer it to myself. I haven’t cried in like a month; I just feel betrayed.
I don’t know if I can feel the same about her. The second she snapped at me over something that was her fault, I felt like I was back with my ex and all my emotion left. It’s stupid, but idk how to fix it. It’s happened before with a past friend, and i was never able to reconnect emotionally with her. Which maybe is my own issue from the abuse I went through. Ugh.